There's no such thing as wandering
There's no such thing as home
There's only this moment of existence
This feeling in my bones
There's asphalt shining in the rain
Colors brighter than they were
There's coffee stains and rising steam
And music you can't hear
There's friends who've forgotten who you are
And strangers who memorize your face
When you forget your family's birthdays
And you're proud of second place
Home's already fading
As the future eclipses the past
The road is endlessly winding
Nothing feels as good as being lost.

Summer raining on the Eastern seaboard
I liked you better before November, personally

There are metal shards floating in this bathwater
Their own tiny islands of pain
A mirror in shards face up on the floor
Guess that is just another 7 years of bad luck

Pennies are dropping into the bathtub
Copper going plink plink plink
Tiny rivulets running their paths

That's just the sound of my lifeline going down the drain, again
Smells like metal and tastes like pain
Red river gushing from my veins

Locked door trying to staunch the flow of secrets
Head swimming to the tile floor
clink clink clink

Scars these days open so easily
Like the Raven said, Nevermore

I fell in love with you all over again in a hospital waiting room

I fell in love with the deep purple under your eyes
like delicate bruising

I fell in love with the paleness of your lips
from lack of nutrients

I fell in love with the way you moved slowly
and achingly wrapped in a white blanket the color of your skin

I fell in love with the deep crimson of your blood
as it ran through your IV

I fell in love with you again as I laid with you in the hospital bed at 3 am

we’d been there for 10 hours
and you had a little too much morphine in your system
and a lack of sleep
when you pulled me close and said

“I could really see myself marrying you some day”

and that was right before you kissed me with your dye stained lips
so they could see your insides better on the x-ray

I fell in love with you again when you looked at me with your
big hazel eyes that turn black around the edges

You said god had sent me from heaven
An angel to watch over you

I'm not too sure about that but what I do know is:

I Do

~

Disintegrating dreams

I find I can no longer stand
as this ground about me shakes with might
Thunderous hooves of imaginary wild horses,
panting in heavy breaths, kicking dust before soiled eyes,
claiming to take down fences
of wire and stick, laying waste in sun dried foot prints
creating a mosaic of dream-like designs,
spiraling uncontrolled as the artist fades like fall colors
still trapping hopeless romantic thoughts,
locked within reach and just out of sight

Challenging the earth to steady the plates
suspended above me on thin shafts of deep desire,
spinning like clocks in an opposite direction
telling time it has no place here

Finding that truth is the enemy, I pull the drapes knowing
doorways will caress thresholds that keep out the draft yet allow the sunlight
to mimic the scattered shade cooling the needs
beneath a paper fortresses…and my heart sighs

For this is life, in its starkest reality,
and what was pictured in youth lingers in the minds of the old
Pasting cobwebs for effect and smiles not as genuine as they may seem
For the days pass and with them opportunities fly like a crying dove
as morning light counts another moment from this existence
Why does it seem that endless possibilities end, forever wishes
drown at the bottom of the well amidst even older pennies,
Patina claims the skin in the name of a love
found but not shared, carried upon shoulders,
as nothing else is left but to wait

and my dreams no longer wait for me

there was a little bear he lived in the wood
he was well behaved and always very good
always used his manners just as he was tought
and for every body he always had a thought.

one day in the woods as he was passing by
suddenly from no where he heard a little cry
he moved a little closer so he could hear the pitch
there he saw an hedgehog who had fallen in a ditch

he was very sad and he began to cry
followed by a sniffle and a great big sigh
dont worry said the bear i know what to
i will get a branch and hand it down to you

bear he got the branch from a fallen tree
handed it to hedgehog to climb up and be free
hedgehog he got out to the forest floor
happy once again he was free once more

hedgehog thanked the bear and went along his way
now there the best of friends bear had saved the day.

If I could sing
You'd throw me back
Say I'm not a keeper
Cuz I can't sing
Your song anyhow.

But if I could
I'd be singing
Something sweeter
To make you cling
To me...all day long.

If I could sing
You'd throw me away
Call me a dreamer
And there's not a thing
I could say to say you're wrong.

When I sing
Toss me into your river
Cuz I'm a dreaming swimmer
I could swim in your water
All night long.

r ~ 5/4/14

I miss you like one would miss bruised knees
(From all our time on the floor)

I miss you like I miss the bottom of the cement pool
(Even though that's where my friends are)

I miss you like I miss razors raking my skin
(But my arms still beg for more)

I miss you like I miss the party scene
(Still think of it from time to time, though)

I miss you like flowers miss winters frost
(Cold and biting, never giving in)

I miss you like I miss hands around my neck
(I think I'd still say I love you, yet)