To I am who is weak
The empty one. Hollow yet still harboring life within. I'm holding on to that contradiction. I've shown love never have I seen it's reflection. Something so easy for me has never been an issue, because
I am love. Every ounce of my being is love. Pain changes all whether for better or for worse. Strike,strike and continuously be striked. Is the pattern of the one who loved.

The voice of my soul is on the verge of being burned away, repeating "help!". My soul waits in limbo, In a world beyond the distorted end. Longing to be reunited.
Anticipations are nearing fulfillment, and my hand is on my heart to stop it from crying. My heart trembles at the sadness that will
come. Countless times I've suffered this deep sorrow.
I know all too well what is up ahead. what lies in wait is silent darkness.
This immature heart, it remains forever unchanging and pure. Waiting to be reunited. The time I wait for something that time is no factor should be short. With every passing moment, feels like an eternity. Hope entices me, while faliure greets me.
Unconvinced of truth, I want to
change reality because truth is too cruel. I'm ready to be hurt. Numb to the pain yet still afraid. layers of invisible scars become Unfamiliar memories, bitter memories, shameful memories. Im
Closing my past away from view
In order to keep my heartbeat from stopping. I will continue to keep and hide these sins that remains forever. Why do I want to forget something that which is valuable and important to me? choice seems to be a trap, My soul cries out Repeating “It hurts!” My soul aches as well as my heart. The path I now walk is to search for real hope.
I've come here, and the greatest weapon I have is kindness. If they are separated, I’ll bring them together here with kindness. I'll let that kindness melt my frozen tears.  

To I who is weak no more.
I am love.
Every ounce of my being, is love. Pain changes all whether for better or for worse. Heal,heal and continuously be healed, Is the pattern of the one who loves.

As I listen to this melody. The tune of dancing trees in the wind. I feel the soothing breeze. I hear the words "don't stay" I am ready for my long journey, far away. As I look at the sky, the scenery that surrounds me keeps changing, This wind will carry me away, forever I will be, whatever I can be. I believe I can fly anywhere, I mean everywhere. Like a floating feather in the spring. This wind will carry me.

What will happen when my life ends? Is what I take with me, the core of my sins? Happy memories stained with hurt, loss, and regret. What was gained that I felt, what was kept from me for so long. The will of my heart. Am I really the change I seek? how do I stand up? when the ground has been swept from beneath my feet? This gray line now gravitates towards black, and just as I awake for another fight. The world is standing feeding hunger from my fears. So I remain sad, and days has come and years have passed. Yet nothing has changed, tomorrow is still empty. How do you look towards the future when your present is filled with pain and suffering? I can't see the light. The past won't remain a memory. If only things were as easy as snapping my fingers and watching the pain that clings to me disappear. I would have no reason  to shed tears. I feel as if there is a voice that tells me I have no place in the world. This voice is very convincing. That you can not adapt. That no one is listening. I feel as if this life is now thoroughly permeated with the spirits of despair and resistance. I want to feel important. I want the will of my heart rescued from the barbarism that surrounds me, the inescapable horror that has tormented me. Is it my will, that I take with me on my final journey? What others have enjoyed destroying. Give it back! my innocence, my emotions, I want it all returned to me. I no longer want to please you or this world.  I don't want to run anymore, I don't want to hide, or die. I don't want to lose. I wont give up, because Life is what I choose.

Love, there is no one to connect with. Im stuck in isolation. I'm waiting patiently, for your return. I have now grown cold and dark. Can you understand my pain? There is unbearable agony in my heart. I'm still consistently warm to others, even though your not here.  I hope you haven't traveled far? We were together for so many years. I have surrendered, though difficult circumstances. too easily, I let you go. Can you forgive me for past differences and strife? love you were such an integral part of my life. something I was willing to protect. I guess it was just a misplaced concept. One that promotes isolation. Im not able to empathise with your long absence. Love, don't you see, how I struggle without you. Why do you tend to be so coy with me? pretending not to care. When I need you, will you be there? I can't find you, I yearn for your return home, but love is gone, love is no more.

These thoughts keep me up at night, the morning, and the middle of the day.  Im a slave. Shackled and caged. I Want to break these chains that keep me confined. Instead of lying, saying I'm fine. So I wait, in the depths of hell, that was created for me, praying to God for what he took, giving water to artificial thirst and devoting my energy to this worthless
 Memory book. I want to burn everything with the breaths of pain and sorrow, and when I do and the future comes completely undone, because im stuck in this pit of solitude, I must ask myself, why am I here?

I am a nice guy. why? I guess the trauma I have endured, made me a bit passive? To much destruction and discord. I live at a distance. Yet I'm still observant
especially of individuals and their ideas. Without being directly involved to understand them, their words are still clear. I won't approach you or become close with you, because I have a prejudice and preconceptions, rationalized by my fear. My family and friends seem to be the only ones, I can trust. However those who I love, have had their own selfish aspirations fueled, by their lust. I put others before myself. Their needs seem to be more important than mine. I come secondary in my own life. I wear my heart on my sleeve, so its vulnerable to attacks. I don't trust those who say they have my back.
I will give everything I have, just to get the one who I love to stay, but its my love that makes them stay away. I'm a very forgiving person, and at times a horrible judge of character. My vision becomes narrow, I only see the good in others. I got taken advantage of, and I went through many hardships, because I have a personality that brings people to me inspiring friendship. If I could, I would no longer like to be, the nice guy. They say don't change! remain the nice guy why?

On this liars path I stroll.
Once familiar words are starting to change shape. You peered into my mind, I want to turn back time, I wish foolishly, but your words lie beautifully. You are in my mind, yet you don't know my mind. This Blasphemous dream! I looked at the words you speak, they are unclean.
I want to see the hidden words so I closed my eyes. You've replaced truth with your words. I now dream a lie.

You are a trace of a dream that my mind remembers..
 I fell in love with you.. Then you took it away..will you fall for me some day? Anytime now. Myself I wanted to change, but I couldn't be anybody else..
Inside the box filled with dreams memories are staring at me. Now I
came to just want the anxiety..I don't want be fooled by longing glances you cast. The day I found you for the first time seems forever passed.

We share the same fate you and I. I never knew you, yet we are the same.. Master's to our feelings.. we let them show..  Overbearing they were.. Now we must go.. However I'm lining up permanent question marks for unanswered questions. A discord in our hearts, seem to be testing us, truth please respond. This imitation freedom is not what we wished for. Were you trembling haven forgotten your name don't worry, I know everything about you, even if tears won't come out, I'll cry for you. You were too much Roscoe.. To many issues for one to handle, a perfect disorder of emotions. Only my eyes can see the truth, I bet you wish you could too.
Should of stop.. the trauma of your past you should of forgot. But you couldn't could you, now the one you love was taken from you... You were cast away you did too much.. now you can't stay. Don't worry we share the same fate. We only have ourselves to blame.

The things I can't show anyone are  flooding my head .. I'm lost in this fake world, where only what's visible to the eye  is true.  Would you be able to expose the truth? Or will it consume you too?
You're also in this fake beautiful world 
In a world that's a little too beautiful for my taste, my heart is rupturing by its reflection. The mirror image reflects what you see to be a disgrace..
 In this world You are secretive and confined. There are things only visible to my eyes.
You are the reverse of the truth everything seems normal in this abnormal fake world.
This place is already a gestalt illusion that you created for me..its not real don't worry your secrets remains safe with me. If I expose it all, the memories will shoot 
down the present and you will be lost..so I will stay in this fake world you created for me this is where I belong.

I give to you without expectations, I realize I may never receive the same treatment. Yet I still yearn. My love is greater than others so their heads turn. I am unorthodox, one of a kind, rare, unique so the norm does not apply to me. I haven't received loyalty or love from the people I meet, no acts of genuine kindness and sincerity could change their view of me. I try really hard to get the ones I care for to notice, but my mind just seems like its never in focus, I'm often shy and flustered when I'm in their presence because my feelings are true and unwaveringly they are tested. I feel like this is a losing battle. I won't be the victor, because they are the takers and I am the giver.

Please don't look for me I've hidden myself. I'm stuck in an endless void, there is no escape, surrounded by voices that won't let me out.. won't you tell what Ive done its the only way I'll be set free.
I'm breaking down and shaking 'round in
This world so helplessly
But you just laugh and grin
Completely blinded..
Nevermind What's the point now, I'm broken..
I try to stop my breath
Even knowing the truth won't unravel
Me until my death
So breakable I am, unbreakable you are 
I'm shaking but you are unshakable I'm fragile and you are not.. Now 
The real you I've found and it has corrupted me.
I stand alone in this world that keeps on changing
But im hiding away, my true self is fading!
I hope you give up
There's nothing left to see...
No,  I don't want you to look at me.
I never wanted to hurt you, helping you was my only intent.. The guilt ways heavy on my conscious.. Sins I must have commit..so until the end
I'm begging you, please, just to remember me...
As clear as I used to be, before my heart and mind was broken... the time where you first met me.
The loneliness that wraps around keeps deepening until I drown
Fond memories we used to share pierce me 'til I no longer care
I cannot run, I cannot hide, I cannot think, I cannot find
I cannot move, I cannot leave you! I'm 
Unravelling in this world.
A change thats so illogical
It shouldn't have been possible
I'm left behind now a forgotten memory of a time once passed
Before our fate and future starts tell me will we last?

Will my loved ones remember me as a great man? Will I be heralded as a hero in their eyes before I die? Even though I thirst greatly for acknowledgement and love in hopes of becoming someone that matters.. I still wonder if they ever see my accomplishments, before I slumber. I confronted my problems and let it go.. What was holding me back I tossed out the window. Still is it enough? I know there is still much I must do..I acknowledge my own ineptitude.. I'm not ignorant.. I'm not an idiot..  Despite my naivety, I can be quite observant. I pick up on things others miss and retain information.. that I'm certain. casually gathered through conversation or reading human emotions.  I can not see the future, still I hope for a sign, one that tells me that im on the correct path.. One that says my future looks bright.. I countine to belive in hope, I want my love ones will see how hard I try.I don't want to disappoint them, they mean everything to me.. I want them to see how hard I worked to make my goals and dreams a reality. Will I be known as the man I sought out to become? That I'm unsure of.. When I die will I be missed its my dying wish.

Days go by, and I'm stuck in my thoughts..oblivious to the world and my surroundings. I am here in my head trying to go through my thoughts to better understand the person I am. Who is Shawn?? Is the question I'm trying to figure out. My identity is unknown, I have never had one of my own. Face's that are  scattered across the floor pick one up to try it on.. Looks good on me but its not mine, what does Shawn look like is the question I'm trying to figure out. My identity is unknown, I have never had one of my own.. Lies in my mental filling cabinet replaced by the truth, the stories that are fabricated I seem to like more. The truth hurts how come Shawn doesn't tell the truth? Is the question I'm trying to figure out. My identity is unknown, I never had one of my own.  A past that is all to unforgiving... Riddled with pain and suffering the past won't stay where it belongs, the scars seem like fresh wounds. I'm still bleeding it won't it heal. Where is Shawn's future and will it heal what happen in the past? Is the question I'm trying to figure out. My identity is unknown, I never had one of my own.

Could fate have bought you to me? Could it be devine intervention that lead our paths to meet? I never thought something so wonderful would ever happen to me.. I have been through so much.. Why am I so happy to have met you? These questions play over and over again in my mind..I think about them almost everyday..I don't know the answer to those questions, but I do know  that You became my closest friend and I believe all the tragedies I ever gone through were worthwhile since they led me to meet you!

I see your courage, to push though and persevere no matter what difficulties you may face. I see your great sense of humor and how it makes people laugh beyond comprehension.. I  see your intelligence  it builds your understanding and appreciation for life. I see your spontaneous nature it is what takes away your fear for the uncertainty and destroys your doubt. I see your strength it sends chills down my spine and brings me to my knees in awe..I see your energy it replenishes your very soul and opens up your mind to possibilities.I see your faith and confidence it guides you though obstacles that you would never be able to face alone. I see your intuition its keen to deception which keeps you out of trouble! I see your smile it can illuminate the dark world we live in and makes life worth living.. I see your heart, is it my home where I feel safe and comfortable. I see your beauty, you are the most beatiful creation in the world to me...Its not only my eyes that see you its my heart and mind.. Its every atom that makes me Shawn that sees every atom that makes you Bethany