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Shanath May 2017
There was a storm today,
A tree older than me,
Taller than the walls of brick
                                          Broke.
Why can't I stop thinking about it?
I went to watch the sky later,
There was blood in the horizon.
  May 2017 Shanath
Mason Jay
People who do
horrible things
go to prison, get
put in cells,

                                        I’m
just wondering
what I did to
get put in the
cage that is
my mind,

                                        trapped
in an endless
cycle, a washing
machine of pain
and hurt tumbling

                                        inside
my head. I
don’t believe
that I’ve done
anything wrong, but

                                        my
prison suggests
otherwise, and
so do the voices
residing inside my

                                        head
Read the isolated words from top to bottom
  May 2017 Shanath
Mason Jay
If there’s one
thing that I
crave more
than to be
happy, it’s

                                   death
I don’t want
to end things
by my own
hand, but it

                                   would
not be terrible
for it to happen,
whatever the
method may

                                    be
I feel like an
easy and
quick death
would be

                                    preferable to
pain and
endless hurt
and struggles.
All I have now
with this “gift” of

                                     living
is endless and
painful torment
that usually
only belongs in

                                     hell.
Read the isolated words from top to bottom
  May 2017 Shanath
Amanda Stoddard
It took time to rewrite my past
in a way that looked pretty on a page
but everything-
just eventually
turned
   uncomfortable.

It feels
like i'm always
wearing wet clothes,
sulking because I tried to drown
these memories I didn't want at the surface.

But I needed air-
so they came to catch it with me.
They demanded a home inside of my world
  and so they put me under.

Now I'm clawing my way to oxygen
but this doesn't feel like
  just water anymore
  more sheet metal than surface.

Every move made
by anyone-
  myself included
feels like a weight.  

I keep fighting my way
to sanity and
I keep fighting
  to remove this memory.

but it says with me
and it screams
every time you touch me.

How will I ever be okay
with comfort?

How do I cope
with something
so adamant about
keeping me under.

These dark images
invade the back of my head.

It's not my fault
someone
  took away my childhood.

So why am I the one-
drowning?
Shanath May 2017
From your neck
Crawling its way up to your head,
Like a river cutting across soft land
The pain follows upto your brow .
You squint your eyes
And shake your head,
The pain taps your mind.
This is the pain from hopelessness
There is no escape, feel it,
Embrace it.
Pray that it busts your head open
And your brain splashes across your bed.
Pray that you evaporate
That you disappear,
Leave back a stain
For that is what your life has been.

You lay on your back
Silence broken by the blood
Running around in your otherwise limp body,
And you hear a screech, a whisper
A mocking?
You turn your empty
But strangely heavy head,
You see the creature
whose children you killed that evening.
You had hunched over the broken egg,
Its insides now spilled outside,
And the other one still lay across.
You had nothing to do,
You wiped the goop that could be life
With a torn bit of paper ,
Haphazardly poured water
And wiped again.
Who would say
The floor had seen death today.
The other egg you rolled to the side,
You knew the creature would cry tonight.
You went about with your life.

The creature is swelled up again,
You noticed
Life would get a chance again,
That is how it works you wonder,
But she must be furious
You see her staring at you.
You are sorry you say.
That's all you had to say
Until today.

Today you are thinking of striking a deal with her
Today you will ask her
To spill your head open
The way you had spilled her egg.
You will ask her to give you peace,
To give you your awaited escape
And in return she can have her justice.
Tell her you can be killed,
All she has to do is drop you
From a height
The way you had dropped her egg
From her home, your rolled mattress.
The only difference you had no intention
Of taking away someone else's life
But your own.
So today ask her to correct your mistake.

My blood will be wiped
My stain will be removed
Someone else will take my place.
Shanath Apr 2017
I was too long in the dark
Craving the sky to run my lips over.
I never owned a sun
So I set myself on fire.
(And now I burn in desire)
Shanath Apr 2017
I haven't slept for nights,
Waking up in my trials
Mistaking midnights for mornings,
Tired by the lack of dreams
And a need to see the ones I think come true.

I work like a clock now
Going round and round
Rising up only to fall,
Its all a routine,
The ticks follow some more lost ticks.

And I walk through rooms across rooms
Not noticing the doors,
And I end up in places I should have known
But I still don't,
I'm lost in a city I grew up in.

I listen to people as to how they failed
And I convince myself to follow them,
Though I know my ways but I abandon them
Due to my lack of trust in self and I complain of others
Never trusting me.

I sort through the truths
Discarding the unacceptable,
Constructing a few new
And feed them to the ones I meet
Watching myself crave for a confession and becoming a lie.

I ask others of their well being
Making through their masks,
And then they ask in return
I can't trust the words I reply
But they do.

I go out hating my home
And out in the world I see the filth
So I return alone.
The things I could do to better
Instead out there I become one with the guilt.

And I fall in love
And pray to fall out the next second,
I look at us and see how he is better
And then I look at the lovers
And pray that we never become them.

And I fail, I fall
As I stand steady
Grabbing at air for balance,
And I look around for stability
But instead I self destruct!
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