I lay on my bed early morning
After having to wake up at 5 am
Not that I wanted my night to end that fast
All I think about is how much of a big mistake
My stupid want for someone was
I should have been a little selfish
Then I would have seen through the pretext
But blinded for a need of someone I didn't need
I got something I didn't want
Then I had to accept
And learn to love something that was a bad idea in the first place
And now here we are
As I radiate in my love for him
I can't help but shed tears
Of how it all hurts
That I didn't know it would be this hard
But pushing forward is all that can be done
For looking back just brings more tears
And when you have the audacity
To call me any day to make yourself feel better
I get to understand
That I'm perhaps the only one
Who cares too much about other people
Enough to forget my own happiness

Today I made coffee
Not sure how that happened
Because I'm allergic to coffee
Then my eyes got to open
And I saw how frustrated I am
Not sure what holds more account to my frustration
But one, two, three and perhaps more men
Are on top of the list

It's time I made peace
With the fact that I was used
And of course duped
Into caring for someone
And perhaps people
Who don't give a ****

Now that you are into my life
My little source of joy
And sometimes frustration
But my love for you
Can never compare to any
Even though I'm never going to get enough sleep
Or time for myself
My love for you will never go away

The other day
Another asked to see me
Not because he would come
But for me, and my baby
To travel and go see him
Not to count the counties he needed us to cross
And hours on the bus
Yet he isn't even sure he wants us
I'm not even sure what to say about him

But now my dear
Its time I  accepted
That I am responsible
For both you and me
And that sleep is a luxury
And that mommy
Is always right
And that's me

Now that the best view
Comes from the hardest climb
We're going to get the view
Not sure when
But the patience and perseverance
Will be definitely worth it

And walking in it was a pain,
St\rted as a simple *****,
That was the first step,
Then the other foot got in
Landing on scorpion tail
Barefoot i walked
Always hoping for a better step
I had walked in pain far too long
I couldn't go back to the beginning
Mine was a bed of roses
Not the petals but the thorny bushes
I slept in ache and woke in pain
It was hard to quit after trying for so long
And as my second year dusked
Walking away had become easy
Holding on sometimes hurts
Worse than letting go ever would
Even when you walk away
Pieces of thorns remain in flesh
It hurts like hell
And i wish i had quit earlier!!

You want fire
but I specialize in ice,
If that's coffee, I needed some tea,
But if its tea, I would like a coffee,
Its not what we can bite,
but what we can chew.
They tell u to follow your heart,
But tell me if its broken
Which piece do you follow,
And what's the treatment for heartache
When everything tastes different
And all familiar perfumes stink
When all you see in a rose are the thorns
Sit down and relax
Life isn't done yet

I met her accidentally
Her eyes were still wet
After sobbing and wiping her eyes
She had been hurt so much
Wounded with arrows and cuts
Her heart was still bleeding
Urgently requiring a hemostat
And she was breathing rather fast
She had been running away
Fleeing from her captor
Yes, away from her tormentor
But this wasn’t the first time
She had been wounded before
I could see through her toughened face
Behind the forced smile
I could see the scarred heart
Crops of scars lacing her heart
And she could still afford to smile
She could barely complete sentences
She was weak and drained
By people who promised her love
But ended up taking it away
And now she was scared
She said “they never run out of lies”
They always had a new lie
Or another version of the same lie
And she kept falling for it
Over and over and over again
Each time ending up inflicted
She needed this safe heaven
Someone reliable
Someone reasonable
Someone patient
Someone understanding
Someone who loves God
Someone dedicated
Someone truthful
To write a new chapter in her life
To show her the meaning of life
To suture the heart cut by knife
To clean her infected wounds
That’s the time I met her
A shell of her former self
Left empty on the inside
And scorched on the outside
“amebeat” I heard someone say
which is slang for wasted
I wished I had some love left
But my encounters before
Had left a caution on me
And it was hard to trust
All that was left in me
Was just a few seeds of hope
And that is what I offered her
HOPE
I took her into my arms
And read Job 14:7
And now when I look at her
I see what God can do
Because in her I see me
And I know that she is happy
So I look inside and tell myself
It’s OK to lose everything
But don’t lose hope
And there is hope for you too.

I probably don't remember everything
about my first day in college
or the fisrt time that we met
sometimes i even forget
the date my birth is celebrated
.
but for that day i rember everything
from your low heel black strap shoes
sounding the beat everytime your
feet touched the ground
as you walked towards me
and there was the glowing white
emanating from your blouse
the matching was impecable
and although
they call me color blind
but even then i saw it
.
then there was your voice
soft and articulate in speech
yet still firm and stern
accompanied by a contageous laughter
.
at first i thought you
were about to cry
that was when i noticed
that natural glitter in your eyes
you had just plaited your hair
it was sprayed and shiny
holding to a pony behind
.
thats when u spoke to me
then i kept saying "ati"
not because you were unclear
but the sound of your voice
was so soothing and comforting
somewhere between opera singing
and a choral verse recital
.
you were still a young girl
but thats when your wings grew
somewhere the july cold
and you flew away from us
we still miss you every august
.
i wish you were here to see
how she has grown since
she nolonger plays with small
dolls like she used to
but i know you are looking
from up above you see us
alot has happend between
and some day i will tell you all about it.
She talks about you sometimes
but i am still unable to explain it all
i dont know if she will understand
i even dont know what to tell her
but if you were here
you would know exactly what to tell her
like you she is perfect
.
sometimes i cry alone
and preffer to be left alone
not because i like being alone
but because its easier
to immagine by myself
what you would do or say in such situations.
fly safe my friend.
and keep passing by
dont be gone too long.

just forget what i had just said
am sorry that i came a bit late
but i thought that I'd always have the chance
for the sake of humanity
we have been friends for long


remember when we visited the ocean
remember all the bashes
and all the good times we had
how could i forget that wedding we attended
and all the fun we had there

he came just the other day
how much do you really know about him
how sure are you he is here to stay
why wouldn't you ask me first
just like you do with other opinions


am sorry if you feel blamed
the fault is entirely mine
i took my sweet time
to mount up enough courage
twice or thrice i have hesitated

so today when i said i love you
when i said that i wanted us to be
when i said that i have known you well
so well that i could take the journey with you
to a future of the unknown
it took me all the energy i could summon
and all the courage i could gather


but i cant change anything now
i should have said it earlier
i should have told you how i felt
i should have let it out

i allowed him to take you for tea
i didn't know he would ask you that
now that you said yes to him
i feel empty inside
i feel like i have lost it all

am sorry it took me long
but if i had the power to turn back time
I'd ask you out the instance we met
i painted my heart with the colors you like
but now you have a new home

i cry only for tonight
and tomorrow a new journey begins
a wrecking ball for the walls
its time to move on

but how do i move on
when all i have ever loved is you
how could i approach another
while it's you on ma mind
how can i listen to another voice
when yours is ringing in both ears.

i will keep my distance
but i will always love you....

Sometimes insomnia induces creativity
*why am i awake at this hour
is it because of what i said
or is it because of what i felt
see guilt is a torment
a feeling designed to disturb
a times we seek for forgiveness
and with repentance we are forgiven
but the guilt of what we did remains
its the devils way of punishing us
see Jesus offered a sacrifice for all time
to atone us of all evil doing n sin
so why do we accept the forgiveness
but choose to keep the guilt..
its because mister Lucifer
is out to make sure that you don't enjoy happiness
so he makes you feel like you have to pay the price
so even in my lack of sleep tonight
i want to pass this important message to you
that there is nothing for you to pay
for the Lord Almighty said "IT IS FINISHED"
that's the day that he paid it all
and now you and i are not only free from guilt
but also free in deed.