I wanted to scream
Until I heard the
Whistling in my ear.
I wanted a song
To pair with the freight
Train crashing through
My heart.
I wanted to feel my
Bones shatter
At the impact.

But instead,
I implode
And my lips pull
Into a smile.
"Don’t worry,
I’ll be fine
In a while".

I crouch upon
myself,
Trying
to be
As small
as I can

Just so I
can hide
From
everyone
And
everything,

I crumble
into
A paper crane,
I move
my wings

Up and
Down
And up
And down,
But I can’t
seem to fly,

So I let
myself fall
Into silence,
A void I can’t
Seem to fill,

A rain
Forrest
Full
of beautiful
Things
and ceiba
Trees,

i sit
Underneath
Dripping
Branches
As i disintegrate
Back into the earth.

I'm desperately searching
For an ounce of permanence
In a world in which
Everything fades to nothingness

the world of Man
war and oppression
always ready to rise

yet the birds still sing
and poets try
because that's the way they are made

Three tabbies sitting on my lap
Butterfly flutters then perch on my forehead
Ahh...Nature's loyalty right at my doorstep

they say grief is a silent breeze
like a pang of chill air on tuesday evening
when it pierce right through like a bullet
all strengths coalesced into a collapse

it would be the last thing in my mind
that blue charcoal dimming the february sky
3 months of lovers, how fast they expire
i always wonder, will it actually be alright?

summer come through, late of june
a boy is the last thing my head fixed upon
a soulmate, let alone, when im far from home
must human nature resent process of progress?

now i am walking in the sand, bare feet
i dont even like the beach,
but im too down to climb something i cant even reach
and im too upright to succumb to a fatal destiny

solitude is the best remedy
for only i get to listen to me
in midst of voices and screams, lies clarity
hold on to that wisp of reasons for its sanctity

a theatrical life,
we choose the roles and scenes
it get hysterical at times,
we think we're small when all's but a big screen

i am twenty two and this is maturity
tears fell, chin up and greet everybody
homesick is not a disease
i still get to laugh, i still get to live

crying because the weight of my mother's smile
toughening because of my father's vulnerability
ridiculous jabbers my brothers gone through
all part of what makes me, me

and gratitude is a warm blanket
like a comforting hug on a friday afternoon
when it tug your heartstring,
a hopeful future embrace within

i am thankful for the life i've lived
the good, the bad and everything i've yet to credit
bravery has its own merit
so i'll have a forward courage to live...and believe

a belated gift;
i am celebrating me