i fell in love with you today
the way you kind of rolled your r's
trying to sound more sophisticated
i think thats what did it
your voice was soft as my most favorite blanket
your laugh was sudden and mirthful
i could see your eyes
i could feel you curves
even when i told you about the 49.99
you just smiled with your words
making my fluttering heart drift slowly
to where it belongs
and then you said
"honey do we want to get dvr"
....
i know he isn't good enough for you

Have you ever had it
where your heart feels
like it's all swollen up
and it's pressing into your throat
causing you to choke
and your blood
feels more like maple syrup
and you just want to curl up and cry
because your life
is turning into another
Teenage love tragedy.

In tragedy I find comfort
It kills me to know inside you're dying
But I just need to know my feelings can still export

I'd live in pain and no breathing
Rather than being a numb, empty shell
I'll take forth all of this endless seething

Knowing I'm alive through emotion
Is much more desirable than being stale
Through every silent scream there's promotion

My lungs release lessened breathes
But it's all I have to my name
I refuse to erase this pain
It's all that will ever stay the same

Nobody respects a liar.

I just want to know if they chose, or just learned to cool down quicker than me.

Im not learning anything about

the riddles I gave myself years ago.

Cardboard sleeves and my truth explodes

When I fall like the last leaf.

What is one thing I have always been?

I have always been an apologist.

What else?

because everyone, you already know that.

I hate female vocalists. unless they sound like they cant stand themselves.

Unless they sound as disinterested in their own voice as I am in mine, I cant stand them.

I only respect female singers who play their own **** instruments.

And I will never have the guts to ask if you're wearing your heart on your sleeve

Or if it's just me and my wearing my heart as my sleeve.

Sometime ago I asked myself if I could see ahead, and I laughed, and hit my ****.

Ive suffered,

and Ive sang it off.

Even when I couldnt sing a note to save my pathetic life.

No one respects a liar.

im not a liar.

Im not different at all.

In fact, im exactly what I've been grown around.

Im half alive and I'm nothing but sacrifice and I feel worthy when my worth is measured in something else.


There is not one thing I can stand less than people who do not underdstand their own language.

for gods sake, it's they're, not there. it's here. not heir. it's i BEFORE e.

but im a hypocrite,

because half the time...most the time i dont capitalize any I's that i'm using to explain about myself.


i think it's because it's not worth the stretch to hit the shift bar.

for myself I'm lazy.

I have an eleven key hand span on the piano, and i cannot even type properly.

thats an octave and a half almost.

I was born to be a woman that pays her taxes and has a checking account.

And a four door sedan with two carseats.

And a ring around my finger, a two bedroom house and bedtime stories all over the bookshelves.

I want to teach my partner how to play the ukulele,

i want to show my children that faith is real,

even if god isnt.

I want a family that will have me for the rest of their lives,

through good or bad.

Through tradgedy, illness,

thinness, gain, loss, stress, sobriety,

through debt and through retirement.

I was made to give,

and I feel selfish for writing this.

Because its all about me.

I want to give myself to something.

I want to be the best fiance I can be.

I want to be the best student I can be.

The best daughter.

The best owner to my pets.

The best aunt, neice, cousin.

I want to the best wife

and mother I can be.







I'm not lying.

A mocking bird is a creature that mimics the sounds that its surroundings want to hear.
And you never did stop singing.
Every word that came out of my mouth reminded you of a song
And when you'd sing to me, everything would feel alright.
You became the soundtrack to my life.
You were the melody I  couldn't get off my mind and
We were the Love Story even Taylor Swift couldn't write.

We were like Bonnie and Clyde.
We lived by our own rules like partners in crime.

We had our own world.
Our own language.
Our own customes that nobody really understood
But we didn't give a flying **** 'cause we,
were sitting in the stars,

Like, on Pandora,
Only this little planet of ours
Took 167 months less to make.

I  hate how you still bring up those old traditions because now,
They only come under certain conditions.

Like, you used to kiss my palms to give me something to hold onto
But now,
They only come when you find yourself ashamed of the scares and the scars that you gave to me.
Only to turn the tables on me and act like I pressed self-inflicted wounds to your lips
And made you taste it.

That's all you.
So, don't go looking at me like I'm poison running through your veins.
Not when I remember a time when I was your fix.
You needed me.
You put that needle to your own arm, baby.

No relapse for us.
I went to rehab to get that song off my brain.
And I don't need your painkillers replacing me in your bloodstream,
Headed for what's left of your heart.

But all that strain is gonna tear the muscle tissue there apart, you know.

And all that numbness still won't explain why I thank you, though.

'Cause I didn't know how deep I could feel until you filled me
With a sea of my own tears.
I didn't know I could come so close to death
And feel that rush between each breath.
And I'm gonna use that gush of air to sing sonnets like a prayer to a God I don't believe in,
In hopes she won't see the playground bully
I see in you.

You switch sides like a game
Of Red Rover.
And when you sing, you change everything on me.
Tell me, how am I supposed to keep up?

How am I supposed to keep my chin up when you tell me to look down?
'Cause I know tomorrow,
You'll be coming around thinking it's okay
To be my best friend.

And still,
In a couple hours,
You'll be listening to our song again.

You don't need to say you still love me.
I can hear it as you purposely misinterpret the words that used to sound so lovely.

But if I'm wrong,
Explain how our song meant nothing.
Our words? Meant nothing.
Our dance? Meant nothing.
That our world meant nothing to you.

Tell me you didn't feel,
Something.

You were a melody I couldn't forget.
But now?
I regret ever learning the tune.

And I hear you singing louder than ever,
To remind me that you're fine. Well,
That's all fine and dandy.
But who told you I was prepared
For a love song
Turned tradgedy?

I'll admit it.
You got me.
I believed every word, but
You never kept a single promise to me,
Mocking Bird.

Where mans best friend is turned back into a wolf
someone's going to get bit.
oh the tragedy of some friendships
sailing backwards into dark ancient wilderness
where dogs are banned, deemed too wild,
too wild, to share the hearth of Man.

It's funny when you need someone to be free.
When the steering wheel isn't liberation,
when you spot smiles from your so-called friends,
and they only put you on pins and needles,
when every word you release must walk the tightrope of judgement,
as starving eyes wait on tradgedy.

It's hard to stay happy when your lover isn't around.
When all the guilt and high crimes circle like vultures,
when your distant relatives keep asking, "are you sure you're okay?"
When everyone paints you as bitter and self-loathing
because you want life to mean much less than this.

It's the memories tying us together.
"Soon" becomes the lifeline, the encourager.
Future prophecies of coffee, blankets, catnaps,
bad movies, and late night discussions subdue the hours.

So,
I'm sorry if I seem coarse.
I'm sorry if I seem vengeful.
But terrible thoughts abound,
when my freedom is away.

we're hidden
we hide and confide in our own mirror image
our own pride spies on lies that sorrow has woven
or is that also forbidden?
we can't feel or we'll be felt for
and feelings only feel fine when you don't cross the line
drawn with two left hands, because one left and one right is a sign
that you are alone in a room with everyone there
then time stops
and you feel
then it resumes
and you don't
it's quite simple really
the reality is when we really feel real reality, a feeling of love and tranquility, we feel it was only felt by
deep narrow slits in our brains love capacity, and it has the tenacity to wrap us in dreams that see
what we WISH we could see even if we see it right in front of us
it doesn't exist really
because reality only exists badly right?
"then reality struck" a saying stating tragedy struck
"it was like a dream" meaning memories were made and you relive them every night before sailing away
and never coming back to dock
but you wake up anyways
well I've dreamt tradgedy, and really had reality in my arms while sailing away
dreams are just reality with an emphasis on possibilty
and reality is just a dream that you never have to wish would actually happen
so i hope reality strikes tomorrow, and it isn't like a dream even though it seems that way

The sinking starts again in the pit of the stomach up to that empty heart of yours
So emotional and so attatched to possibilities of high hopes and expectations
Drowning in tears again in the darkness of your bedroom in the middle of springs moon
Blossoming with fears of losing everything in the palm of your hands
You had no chance at all because all the chances you had you threw away in daze of indecisiveness
All your insecurities flood in your bedroom as you get lost in your thoughts and forget all your promises
It was so sad, all those choices you made lead you strait to tradgedy
Both you and me,
I swear its both you and me
But your convinced that only bad things happen to you and little black rainclouds hover you in June
I'm not so sure you understand that process is only the beginning and maybe your choices are part of the magic of blind faith
So just escape to optimism