For a thousand times,
I can't believe that it took me a thousand times,
To see that you are a thousand times not the man for me.
Maybe I don't love myself as much as I think I do,
Beause if I did, I would have ran a thousand miles away from you.
I would have stayed away from you a thousand times before,
Before I loved you a thousand times once more
As much as I want to kiss you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
Hold you a thousand times,
Make sweet love to you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
Love you for a thousand years,
And a thousand years more.
You are not the man for me!
It took me a thousand tears to see it,
And a thousand more heart bleeds to believe it.
It might take a thousand more years for me to move on, and a thousand years more.
But I will go on a thousand dates,
I will kiss a thousand frogs,
Until I meet the man for me.
A man a thousand times the man you will ever be.
Because, a thousand truths be told,
You were never meant for for me.
Not by a thousand long shots.
Not in a million thousand years,
And a million thousand years more.
I was foolish for a thousand years,
To ever think that you would love me for a thousand years.
Well here's to a thousand times of regret.
I will raise a thousand tequila shots.
You are not worth my time,
Not even a thousand half seconds.
I am letting you go a thousand times.
May I be free from you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
I despise you a thousand times,
For all the thousand lies.
Playing me a thousand times over and over.
You can bet a thousand bucks that it is over.
One hundred thousand times, I am done!
Forget the thousand times I crawled back to you.
Forget the thousand times I ran back into your arms once more.
I can do a thousand times better than you,
And a thousand times more.
You are dead to me for a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
For all the thousand times you've hurt me.
For all the thousand times you failed to put me first.
For all the thousand times I thought something was wrong with me,
I hope you burn a thousand times in a thousand hell fires.
For the first time in a thousand years
I choose to put me first,
For a thousand times and a thousand times more.
For I am a thousand times the woman worthy,
Of a man worth a thousand doses of my love.
Love wasted on you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
I deserve a thousand times more.
I am worth a thousand times more.

how many times had I driven down pleasant hill after dark?
how many times had I sailed through the left turn lane into your neighborhood?
how many times had I squinted past my lights on the road in front of your house?
how many times had I seen the name of your neighborhood on the sign but I still can't remember it now? (did I ever know it?)
how many times had I leaned into that narrow uphill turn?
how many times had I gone fifty in a twenty-five when no-one was around?
how many times had I sped past your house only to turn around in the cul-de-sac just a little ways down the road?
how many times had I parked outside of your house and then knocked on your door?
how many times had I parked outside of your house and just waited?
how many times had I said "hi, how are you?" and listened ever so intently to you?
how many times had I had something to say and ignored you?
how many times had I stopped at QT and gotten a 59 cent soda and some gas?
how many times had I leaned over and kissed you at a stop light?
how many times had I pulled up into my drive way and gotten out with you?
how many times had I brought you to basement and made love to you?
how many times had I brought you down there just to *******?
how many times had I enjoyed that and so did you?
how many times had I laid there with you wondering if things were ok?
how many times had I said I loved you before I knew for sure?
how many times had I walked awkwardly with you upstairs trying to fake like we weren't up to anything? (not anything bad at least. hehe.)
how many times had I sadly driven you home?
how many times had I smiled at you because I really had been happy for once?
how many times had I smiled at you because that's all I could do?
how many times had I driven off without and felt less whole?
how many times had I stopped at QT and gotten a 59 cent soda on my own?
how many times had I thought about how great things finally were?
how many times had I almost believed in god because of you?
how many times had I felt like a fool?
how many times had I regretted all this wasted time?
how many times had I thought the best way was the way out?
how many times had I been right about everything?
how many times had I been wrong?
how many times had I loved you?
and
how many times had I been a fool?

well?
how many?

During those times, I want to be there.

Those times when you're happy, smiling and laughing.
Those times when you're sad, tears you try to hide.
Those times when you're with your friends, altogether chatting.
Those times when you want to be alone, thinking of way to put your problems aside.

Those times when your singing, calms the nerves of those who hear.
Those times when your writing your thoughts, words compliment you so purely.
Those times when you when you play guitar, notes are heard crystal clear.
Those times when you play ukulele, your voice accompanies it so cutely.

Those times when you play piano, grace fuels your fingers.
Those times when emotions control you, emotions that cloud your judgement.
Those times when you're aloof, emotion that lingers often lingers.
Those times when emotions overcome you, emotions that needs to vent.

Those times when tears fall because of happiness, I'll wipe it with care.
Those times when tears fall because of sadness, I'll wipe it with solace.
Those times when others try to hurt you, those who actually do, beware.
Those times when you only need a hug, let me be the one to embrace.

Those times when you're broken, damage will become undone.
Those times when you need someone, let me be the one to be there.
Those times when you want someone to love. let me be the one.
But during those times, during those times someone else is there.

There are times when I walk
There are time when I run
There are times when I sleep
There are times when I rest
There are times when I am resilient
There times when im vulnerable
There are times when I am anxious
There are times when I am solid
There are times when I am falling apart
There are times when I am put together
There are times when I have no idea
There are times when I think I have an idea
There are times when I feel useless
There are times when I feel on top of the world
There are times when I feel damaged
There are times when I understand my damage
There are times when I think “what the **** am I doing”
There are times when I think “I’m ok. I’m doing it right”
There are times when I think “****! What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
There are times when I think “Who cares?”
There are times when I think  
There are times when I think
There are times when I think

- J.D. Maxwell

There were times where thoughts didn’t exist

people didn’t confuse me

and everything was alright in the world.

There were times when I didn’t worry

and stress didn’t control my digestive system

and I didn’t need to medicate.

There were times I did not trust to be alone by myself,

for fear of my own destruction caused by myself

I didn’t understand the strength of the situation.

There were people I trusted who now are no longer

they don’t carry the same heartfelt endearment that was gifted

they don’t have a care in the world.

There were times where I neer thought about looking

scrolling through messages to find a false

a death occured.

There were times when I was somewhat whole,

somewhat capable,

somewhat caring of my own rights and my own dreams.

There were times where I put the right things first,

There were times where I said the things that were meant to be said

There were times where I saw myself in a succesful way of life

There were times where I did not want to just run away

There were times where I knew myself better

There were times where I was allowed to feel

There were times where I saw the people around me care

There were times where people actually meant something to me

There were times where I knew things had worth

There were times where I believed

There were times where I sought love

There were times where I sought truth

There were times where I sought life

There were times where I felt I wasn’t a caged animal

And now I’m in hell, prison, being objectified and slaughtered by those who are of lesser caricatures than life

There were times where I knew the face of the devil

There were times where I would banish this evil

But for some reason I think I’m stuck

I think I’m here for the realness promised

There were secrets kept,

Lies told,

And trust lost!

Changing Times

     These are changing times
The clock just keeps ticking
Yes these are changing times
Though the blood never stops dripping

These are changing times
But things remain the same
Yes these are changing times
But it’s still a politician’s game

These are changing times
The waiting for peace is unremitting
Yes these are changing times
But the lies they continue spitting

These are changing times
But they still dismiss God’s voice, forbidding
Yes these are changing times
Yet nothing seems unfitting

These are changing times
Yet we’re still caveman savage
Yes these are changing times
Yet we’re forever greed driven to ravage

These are changing times
No one can figure it out, no one can win
Yes these are changing times
Yet we’re still divided by the color of skin

These are changing times
We’re still buying what the media has to sell
Yes these are changing times
As we keep getting closer to Hell

These are changing times
I cannot explain enough with these lines
Yes these are changing times
These are changing times

Written By:Charles Kean
Copyright © 10/18/2020
All rights reserved