I have an extensive knowledge of things
many people might call useless.

I can explain to you the evolution of the Doctor,
the Dalek’s rise and downfall, the breath of a Rose.
Merlin and Arthur live in tandem, two sides of the same coin,
and it’s hard not to see, they mean more than simple friends in their reality.
Castiel, Gabriel, Lucifer, Hael, Michael, Eziekel, Raphael, among many are
the warriors of God, a man who writes comics about the Winchester brothers.
“Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” is my favorite quote from Russell Howard’s Recalibrate,
and Danial Sloss’s bit about jigsaws hits a note, a truth Ed Sheeran does too, in the last line,
“And before I get to love someone else, I’ve got to love myself.”
Of course, they mean romantic love, it can take someone loving you platonically to learn to love yourself.

I crawl around the corners, searching for this information, the tidbits I can throw at people,
Look and see me, I’ve got things you ain’t never seen before, as referenced to Secretariat,
said by Eddie Sweat. Tiny things, picked up from Tumblr, Pinterest, Instagram, ‘tis I, the frenchiest fry’.
I have a store racked with snapshots of a million different stories packed tight in my head and I’m desperately trying to shove these facts to fill this void I cannot fill.

I can tell you blue waffles are Percy’s favorite food, that Nico deserved better and look at me like come and watch the kid with a slowly declining mental health as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself. Bo Burnham. BBS came from a video featuring a yellow school bus and a fuckton of shouting. Terroriser and Danisnotonfire are comfortable in their gender, and so is my friend Evan. **** the terms and conditions of masculinity, take the signatures and white out the scrawled names, break away from the lines we try to box you in.

Tumblr doesn’t always get it right, often times they get it wrong, but somethings I’ve found on there have helped me calm down a friend from an anxiety attack, have shown me truths I don’t want to see. It also taught me that carrier pigeons could fly eighteen hundred kilometers and were used as early as three thousand years ago. Have you ever seen what fan art can do? The stunning creations made by people who don’t expect any money or expectations? What of the fanfictions? We have to pay for food, water, electricity, but yet we can delve into books, a lifeline for many, for free? Kudos to them.

This is the world I have fought to live in since I can remember. This is the hunger I am trying to sate inside of me, but it only grows and I can’t keep up with it. When I can’t be me… facts, connections, the only places I can feel through are the books, movies, shows, YouTube videos. I make reference after reference, hoping to connect with someone else, to find a place I belong and…

And I can’t stop. I can’t stop. I can’t—

Under the starlight I lie in bed,
Remembering the smile you had today,
Looking for the words in my head,
To describe that beauty which never fades.

Above the moonlight I gaze in bed,
Listening to your laughter again today,
As the voice thread closer to my end,
I wish upon the night for you to stay.

Flying across the raven sky,
The memories that were once painful,
The angel that gave me a heavy sigh,
His radiance soft and warm like sheep's wool.

I'm lonely on nights the star fall,
Familiar feelings in me again brew,
And on these nights I tell the wall,
"Good night Danial, I love you".

He watched in wonder
At the way
she stood her ground
Not a trace
on her face
of the fear
that hovered round
If she were shaking
He could not see a clue
not a quiver on her lip
All she had
was that finger tip
She pointed in his face
As she demanded
he go back take his place
Then she turned her back on this boy
Took the chalk in hand
Started writing up tomorrows  lesson plan
Clearly, he sees that boy
Out of sorts .. out of place
Out of ways... to arrange his face
He tried bravado , arrogance, and disgust
Wanted so badly to open up and show how righteously he cussed
But she never turned around
Had no clue if he obeyed
Unclinching that fist
was the best move
that he ever made
Only three short steps back to his seat
but more like a marathon
He struggled to complete
He stood up that day
a defiant and willful punk
He sat back down as
A human being who had shrunk
To the measure well deserved
as she stood fast and he had swerved
Not a single eye was bearing down
No other boy in class
Would call him a clown ...
...but he did...I did.  I did  he cryed out. loud
I knew right then I lost
22 years ago and still paying the cost
Hes down someone yelled from out in the hall
But he simply held her in his arms
Kneeling as was right
For she was a dead queen now
And he was her faithful knight
He didn't knows that a bit of life still held
As the blood seeped out
the bullet holes
That she stood in defiance of
He had to wonder if she pointed at the killer
as she once had at him
I can see you as strong today as you were back then
In the memories
like yesterday
where I have just been
I changed that day you know
You tore me apart
and rebuilt me
with that one finger of your hand
and helped me become
the man I am
And here I am crying like a baby
in the shadow of such courage and strength
Stop that Danial ...Detective Harris She whispered in her last dying breath
You are not crying like a baby Dan ...you're crying like a man. Then she was gone .