I still see her
She is everywhere
She lies between each word of the books I read
Her breath ripples between each whistle of the wind
Her words are the thing strangling me each time I dare to speak
She is the gleam in his eyes when we argue
She is the strength in every punch I throw and every slap I launch.
She is the tone in my voice,
in what I say when I choke from being bitter and agitated
She is everywhere.
She is the blade that I keep locked away in the box
She is the thin piece of torture that gets right under my skin
She is the thought before and after every meal
She is the knife cutting through before every agonising bite
She is the sweet and sour substance that balances on my spoon,
Filling me up with insults and low self worth
She is the feeling I get when I am intoxicated
Sick, dizzy, angry
She is in every step I take, the dreaded trip to my every destination
She is in every rain drop, the splatting of the water are my feelings as she has my heart in her hands
She is in me,
In every rumble of my stomach,
In every thought that rattles in my head
In every word that I speak
In every blink of my eyes
In every smile that I fake
In every breath I take
She is there,
She is forever within me,
She is everywhere.