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Esther Dec 2017
there are always two sides to the same story
two voices singing the same song
maybe i was never enough
maybe i was, more than enough
sometimes i wonder if you wonder the same things

have you ever had the thought of running back
to put a semi-colon instead of
a full stop to our infinite possibilities?
do you sometimes fantasize us two
lying on paper-thin ice
in Alaska
and having no fears
because i'm holding your hand?
under the green, blue, pink, purple, yellow, red
aurora borealis
and millions of stars?
have our heads tilt toward each other
at 4:09 am
in our fluffy snow jackets and boots
and lean in for a forbidden kiss
just
one
kiss
then go back and gaze at the Milky Way
with more thoughts in our minds than there are stars reflecting in our eyes
imagine a place that is ours
it's where a wise man confused reality for dreams
it's in the middle of nowhere
in our deepest fantasies
it's where we hold on to each other
and everyone else simply doesn't exist...

at 4:09 am
i wonder
if sometimes
you wonder about me too.
Sadly, fantasies aren't real. For Jason.
Esther Dec 2017
I am a sucker for dreams.

Suffocating underneath depression and dark thoughts
Disguising the truth with layers of anxiety and dust
I am a sucker for dreams.

If a "wishing fluff" touches my leg while I'm falling asleep to
Another
Episode
Of overthinking
Playing on repeat in my head
Dancing ballad Black Swan on my heart
On a crowded train
I would lean down
Pick it up
And the stranger who sits opposite of me
Whose eyes and their unspoken confusion
I would accidentally meet on my way up
I would smile at him
Because
I am a sucker for dreams.

I would make a wish
The generic "I just wish to be happy"
Or the
"Please let there be a tomorrow
Where depression and anxiety are locked behind bars
Begging me on their knees for help"
Just like ten thousand times a day
I beg them for mercy
I beg them for freedom
I beg them for happiness
But oh my
Sometimes
Like once a month or something
At 5:31am or 2:27pm
I would smile too
Because there's a "wishing fluff" flying by
Like a paper airplane destined to land
In that place from my dreams
Moonlight on the lake
Piano keys composing the most haunting melody
That "wishing fluff"
Is a reminder for me
There is still hope
There is somewhere where music is not ghostly cries
Somewhere where dreams do come true
For a sucker for dreams like me.

Even with 3% battery left
I would not use my phone for music
Nor to check social media
I would use my final breath
To type up
These words
These dreams
Because they are life
They are who I am
Because
I am a sucker for dreams.
I made some wishes: peace of mind, health, steady relationships, to smile more, to go out and have fun, to not let my happiness depend on another person... I blew the "wishing fluff" away.
Esther Nov 2017
i am a dainted rose
and the flames consume me
i know i am nothing
but i still try to grow
through the cracks on that brick wall
i just want to grow
and shine
the plastic
it traps me
it cuts the air off
my petals fall
and my colours fade
all
nothing
was i ever something
to someone?
i am a crumbled up piece of paper in the corner
i am a paper airplane
crafted with every ounce of hope
landed head first onto the floor
picked up
thrown and tossed without a care
came crashing onto the cold hard ground
god it hurts
picked up again
die
live
die...
eventually
i belong to the trash
i am a piano with broken keys in the middle of a forest
the melody long gone
i hold onto them
they slip through my fingers
like the sunlight slip through the gaps between the leaves
sparks kiss me
and my broken pieces
i try to sing a song
that beautiful boy
his fingers traced along my body
touched my soul
every inch of my skin
he admired me like a work of art
the breeze lifts my hair
he lifted my soul
i try to remember
yet the more i reminisce
the more they run
my memories are lone wolves
and i am the hunter
oh
please
stay a little longer
just
a little
...longer
for i
am
a dainted rose.
My first poem here. I don't usually use all small cases, except when dark thoughts cut off my air during the a.m.

— The End —