The way we rewrite
Our histories,

The way we polish
Our achievements

The way we conceal
Our all our flaws

I have to wonder
About memory

Was I ever that "me"
That I recall

words are like the squiggle in your eye
just out of reach and then they wiggle
then they die

Blackberries dripping with Summer dew and
you with stains on your patterned shirt.

Alert to the possibility that death could be the death of me
I decline to climb the tallest tree and sit down on a rock.

I remember the taste
which was yesterday,
things taste differently today.

My thoughts are put down in the order of appearance
and not necessarily in the order of occurrence,
but you've probably noticed that.

And I'm watching a pink sash being slowly wound around an unbecoming sky.

Crowds gather in the waiting train
Kids fidgeting
Mothers panicking
Man with eyes of steel
glares at me from the opposite seat
Suddenly the train lurches forward
quickly gathering speed
All the tension seems to lift
Kids settle down
Mothers look out of the window
Man opposite puts his head back
and closes his eyes
Yes, the journey has now begun

I love you
So much
I dream
Of saving you
From drowning.

I despise you
So much
I dream
Of drowning you
To death.

Every day.

Aromas never smelt
                    the same,
inhaling the essence of
                                  you.

Allured,
              tasting your lips
                          a single kiss
cherry blossom moments.

i almost like it better when i'm thinking too much
makes me feel like i'm alive and not some dead battery found in the trash when it can no longer be used
find peace in the swirling thoughts in my head like a toilet that wont flush
because it means i'm still alive
still able to comprehend what you're saying
still able to feel.
i will live another day and get caught on something new
and probably trip
and fall
back to that low feeling i'm used to
but that's okay
because hey, after all i'm alive
and right now that's good enough.

7/15/2017

A plank of wood,
sand mites bite our ankles
my ankles

One in the morning at the
Gated Beach Community
and the signs said

Without parental supervision,
No one under 16 allowed
but there I was, 15

Dealing with a bad lease on my brain, don't forget yours, too
parents nowhere to be found

Or maybe two buildings over
Years later, it's night
I step over puddles, drunk boys

Walk around the complex laughing
Trying to remember when I found that sort of thing fun,

Remembering never,
I sit on a ledge--
And you'd never guess the sea

Was several hundred feet away
with the way the sky bleeds black
congealing, together

The Atlantic and it.
Remembering my old obsession
With blood, my old poems

Speaking feverishly of it
adding meaningless symbols-
the flower the color of it,

or the sky in the morning in august
trying, selfishly, to make sense of my life.

I wish to run a fever-- forget this place ever existed
Or you, truthfully.