One good day
has me wondering -
Am I really depressed
or am I just faking it?

If I myself am not convinced
How will others ever be?

one who steps
between

me
and
someone I protect

will find

I am a monster

yes

I am a monster
who learned to be kind

I am savage
underneath

I am and I will always be

so please step back
be safe

and pray
you never meet

that side of me

do you ever wonder if you will
remember this

will this moment live on in you
when you reminisce

all the anger of today
how long will you stay ******

and the one you love today
will you still want to kiss

I look back
some days are blank
what did I live them for

why did I turn my head away
how much did I ignore

if you ask me what I did
a year ago
last September

there is nothing that stands out
was there nothing to remember?

or maybe I have memories
but don't remember when

it becomes a part of me
and all the edges blend

all a seamless tapestry
of memory in my head

woven into me so smoothly
that I can't see the threads

or sometimes
I live the same day again and again

I can't place the memory
because there is no 'when'

sometimes I don't record the memory
why should I even bother

when life is a sentence
I write over and over

or sometimes I don't remember
because I was distracted

caught up in my thoughts again
instead of interacting

hiding away in my head
because I belong here

blocking out the world
like a ******* zombie

sometimes I am a coward
living in chains

I turn my head away
because I am ashamed

I don't care to remember
who I was
who I am

but I'm in every single memory
that I have

and I can't go back
and be someone else

but I can find a better way
of interacting with myself

even if I'm not the person that I want to be
yet

I can learn to forgive
instead of forget

turn away from the screen
instead of from life

be present
be in this moment
be alive

today
tomorrow
this September

it's time to live a life
that I am going to remember

A white light slipped into my dark room.
I felt its presence,
warm, inviting.

I moved closer,
but it was only a reflection
in a mirror of passing metal.

Was the light even there?
or it was just an illusion?

To all my beloveds,


Why are you in such a rush?
Where do you think you have to go?
Why do you live as though in a race?

Don’t rush.
You won’t win.
There is no winning.
There is nothing after that end.

Where do you even have to go?
I’m the one who has to go…

And I will go,

Slow.


Before I meet that end,
Please,

Take my hand.

Waltz with me into that windy night,
Not with haste,
But with the remains,
Of this grotesque grace.  

Let the wind howl.
Let it push.
Let it beg us to hurry on our way.

Let it do as it may,
But I will not rush to that end,
Under anyone’s command.

Just,

Go slow.


I will,

Go slow.



Drag your feet through the dusk.
Let the moonlight kiss the path,
Though it can never again light the way.

There is no destination.
Only this journey.
Only this ache.
Only this love.

I will,

Go slow.


Slow enough,

To cry.

For these tears are worthy of my time.
For they are true to my heart.

I will,

Go slow.

As I cry this truth,
I won’t rush to lie to you.
I won’t sprint toward bliss,
For there is none at the end.

I will waltz slowly through this pain.
Because I want to feel this love.
Because I crave every burden,
Of this human heart.



Go slow,
As you read the story.
Go slow,
As you listen to the song.
Go slow,
As you live this life.

Don’t race through beauty,
Just to meet nothing.
Don’t race through pain,
Just to meet that eternity.

That,

Distant

Icky

Eternity.


Go slow,

With companions, or alone.

Go slow,

Until the world lets go.


Let it hurt.
Let me cry.
Slowly, I love.
Slowly, I cling.
Slowly, I’m dragged away.

Slowly, I fade…

Into,


Into,


That,


Into,


Oblivion…

Go…

Slow.



Slower.

Slower still.

Almost,

Imperceptibly.

As,


You,


Approach,


That,


That,


That,



Distant

Icky


Eternity


Go,



Go,



Go,



Slow.



And if I must,

If I must say goodbye,

If this is the end of our time,


Then let me,

Let me smile,

As I go,


As I go slowly,


Dreaming,

That I am hand in hand,

With such kind company.


Waltzing slowly,

Until I,

Must let go,


Until you,


Until you must,

Move on,


Until I smile,

One last time,



As you must carry on,



Until I,

Until I succumb,

To that,


To,


That,

That,




That,




Distant







Icky











Eternity.





Sincerely,
Your companion
From genesis, through oblivion