Yesterday, I could see clearly.
Thinking & actions flowed freely on their own accord.
[ Where is my mind? ]
Yesterday, "things" mattered.
I had goals.
Or so I thought?
I didn't worry about the way I stood, or whether I have a "dorky" look. Because today I saw you.
I was struck with awe by the mere presence of you.
If my limbs hadn't of frozen, then maybe I would have spoken to you. As the days roll by this fog grows thicker, you've become a form of block in my mind. [ Just think something rational! I swear I've forgotten how!]
It's a beautiful dream I've planned out for you & me.
But I know I'll be, forever alone

No longer do wander aimlessly,
I've found my "path" so to speak.
It may not be yellow
Nor paved for the eye to see
Yet it somehow shines brighter
Radiating through me.

I wonder when the foggy haze will return to taint my view
Such a serene sense of serendipity one can never get use to
No more boarders on my horizon therefore I know this calling to be true

All that's left is to take that leap
Step out into the great unknown

To be is to ponder,
Taking every waking moment & nourishing it giving it life as though it were your last.
Cherish life,
For without it you simply wouldn't be.
Let go of hate caused by wrong doings brought upon you.
The peace & lightness that follows will guide you for the rest of time.
LOVE whole heartedly toward every living being.

Do you ever get the feeling you're trapped, or in captivity?
Not by the true meaning of the word.
An overwhelming feeling you try, but cannot escape from.
Forbidden topics we feel should never be mentioned, there lays part of the problem.
We need to learn to reach for one another, help each other break free from these chains we've imprisoned ourselves in.
Maybe then we will be able to heal our home.

Blanketed beneath your warm embrace, I'm comforted by your tender spirit.
Learning each other, getting closer & fonder.
We're fragile creatures still finding our tongues.
Spirited away through the nightly hollows, like finding peace among the stars letting the journey unfold & become clearer to see.
I wont be frightened, only eager for what's to come.
Knowing my soul sings louder, I wonder if your song has even begun?

Motionless
Stuck where my world crashed all around me
Rotating through the mundane monotony on autopilot
It's time for a new book, not just a new page or chapter.

Once was a little humming bird
So innocent & true
He loved a good adventure
But longed for something new

Singing his sweetest tune
He flew
Unsure of where & how he knew
That the distant land would hold something much less than fulfilling

For that little humming bird
Had been searching foreign lands
Wanting excitement & ambience but was missing so much more

So now that little humming birds sings to a different tune
He's now searching inside himself to be happier & strong
For within finding his inner peace he saw further than ever imagined

Blanketed in your warm embrace.
Cradling me
Carrying me threw time and space.
Everything becomes right.

Scratching from the inside, hurts more than the physical sense.
A shattering within my chest. Emotions on a tidal wave that has just smashed into shore.
I shouldn't trust my own judgement's anymore.
This is clearly not my shining hour.

Speckled minds
Dwindling down a long winding path
Defeated or lost?

You can almost make out a harness, lock and key.

We live in a free world?
Then why are we all slaves
Fighting our way through this rat race, we call life.

Music*
Infects the mind.
Never stay
*inside the lines

There I lay,
Hollow,
All innereds  discarded along side the rubble.
Numb,
Dark shadows cascading faces to the mundane.
Confused & tormented,
Uncertain of where to turn.

I find you.

Both battered & bruised.
Scared & confused.
I'll be your light,
Warmth & comfort.
A safe-haven to rest your weary head.

I wish I was stronger
That my mind would leave me alone
I keep trying
Pushing through all of these walls I've built
I keep trying
To focus on the little things to get me through each day
To focus on the positives in every single day
Why can't I just stop
Stop worrying about how I'm meant to do this because the pain and sadness doesn't stop
I wish I didn't feel so strongly
The emotions I carry weigh me down so intensely
I don't want this to be who I am or how I am
But it's the only way I've ever known how to be
Countless years of trying to brake this cycle just to function
To not feel so alone
To be happy
To be able to feel free of what I escaped from
To stand proud of who I am and that I'm here today

A lasso wrapped about me, and you have control of the other end.
Just let my soul be free.
Hurt me!
Make me feel ANYTHING than the pain and sadness I still possess for you.
This isn't living!
This is barely surviving!
Yet you don't even know it, the hold you still have over me.
Disregarded so you can continue living your illusion.
*Yet I still long for you, forever I'll wait for you

The silence has become deafening
Encased
Submurged
Surrounded
By the silence
The chaos is not ceasing or changing its course
Destined to whirl around me
Twisting and pulling me in ways i could never explain
Pushing and pushing
And pushing
Until i cant hold myself anymore
My stregnth has shattered
Within the silence
Into a thousand tiny pieces i lay strewn on the floor

I miss you
Not just in the physical sense
In every sense of the word

Your unique way of doing things, its like watching a symphony of noise
You're either in complete harmony with it
Or consistently fighting against it

Your laugh
Oh your laugh
It fills my whole body with warmth
A sound I crave to hear

The smell of the top of your head, comforts me
Like a mothers embrace, I know I am safe

Day to day living never felt less mundane
Always helping wherever we felt we could
Exploring, guiding each other
Always finding refuge in one another

Life is not the same without you
Never will be without you
The emptiness, at times consumes me
Swallowing me whole
The crator you've left within me
Can only be filled by you

I hope
I have to hope

To some,
This life is a maze,
To some just a path,
To others a confusing,
Distant memory.
Never be afraid of what's not yet set,
Before you start to age.
Some may dither,
Others they stumble,
But you remain graceful & strong.
My Granddad,
My hero.
Your wit must have seen you some trouble,
But your charm surely helped you out of a  few pickles.
That heart warming smile fills a room.
My Granddad,
My hero.
No one can ever compare to you.

How it started
Running around the playground squealing with laughter.
Building stables on the field
Or witchy poo on the fort
Over 2 decades of knowing you. Experiencing life alongside you.
I watched in awe as you raised your family, and held it together all of these years Watching you grow into this unstoppable, firecly strong woman you are today
Ever need me, I'll be there
I'll never be in your pocket, or the other end of the phone every day
You'll always be like family to me, sorry but you ain't getting rid of me

Ive been running for years, never feeling safe or at ease. No sense of 'home' until that day you held me.
My lifes been a lie, countless masks to face whatever gets thrown at me. Hiding from those demons that chase & torment me, too frightened & weak to tackle this road alone.
I feel safe when im with you, you're my best friend & my protector.
Ive trusted in you, pried open doors that were sealed with rust and vines.
Ive trusted in you, pieces of me im too afraid to look at alone.
I give you my hand, my hearts already yours.