Motionless
Stuck where my world crashed all around me
Rotating through the mundane monotony on autopilot
It's time for a new book, not just a new page or chapter.

I wish I was stronger
That my mind would leave me alone
I keep trying
Pushing through all of these walls I've built
I keep trying
To focus on the little things to get me through each day
But each little thing is getting harder than it ever use to be
Why can't I just stop
Stop worrying about how I'm meant to do this
How I'm going to get through this
Stop avoiding life and carry on get over it and move on
I wish I didn't feel so strongly
But the emotions I carry weigh me down so intensely
I don't want this to be who I am
Yet it's how I see myself
I've got no dreams or aspirations
And I find that really weird
Why don't I want more out of life
Why can't I see a better future for myself
I just continue to get stuck in my head and weigh myself down
I'm a burden to myself
And I resent it more than I should
I wish I could see the light the silver lining behind it

The silence has become deafening
Encased
Submurged
Surrounded
By the silence
The chaos is not ceasing or changing its course
Destined to whirl around me
Twisting and pulling me in ways i could never explain
Pushing and pushing
And pushing
Until i cant hold myself anymore
My stregnth has shattered
Within the silence
Into a thousand tiny pieces i lay strewn on the floor

Alone, though I've caused myself to be
Bitter, weak, & fragile. It's just hollow inside of me
Confused by how I got here, or who I am today
Determined to do better in every single way
Although it feels over I have a long way left to run
Eventually I hope I'll understand what it's all been for
Fresh & ready to face whatever comes my way
Glints of me keep poking through
Hiding
It's overwhelming just how overbearing I've become
Just a little further, I'm sure my day is done

Pained with a sadness I have never known
A dagger driving into the core of my soul
As I let go of everything
Yet a calmness washes over me
Something guiding me
Its not my own
I'm noticing things differently
The way the breeze dances softly with everything it touches
The scents that are heightened
The smell of rain before the storm
Clipped grass on a hot summers day
Perfume that lingers long after they've gone
I'm not in a daze
simple pleasures are filling me with more
I don't have to be ok
I'm not sure I ever will be the same again