for those that support the disorder of life,
understand the order of all peace kept - sleeps with one hand tight with a knife,

covered in sheets that reek from the odor of death - secrets creep over the  security that was sworn to be kept,
molded from laws as soft as  concrete constantly mocking the hungry  families who eat dinner with a papier-mâché fork wrapped in  barbed wire,

like a Christmas present expired to be opened on Halloween - the corporate begs for his try as he fears his life will be silenced  from the woman screaming inside the screen of a machine,

trails hide liars but it is unanimous  the innocence is such an inconvenience to those who share a chair in power - one more child is treated as a photo never receiving justice as  deserved,
dessert is served but sentencing was never heard - the Franklin family left without any sweet revenge,
it seems big business buys opinions and walks clean with red covered hands that dipped in the process

such a shame the court caught an inner most disgusting sickness and deserted dignity from the rights of 13-year old Rebecca Arnold Frank

Desire Disgusts Even The Likes of Me

The moon, shrouded in a veil of clouds,
Cast a pallid glow upon the scene,
As they, haunted by their own yearnings,
Found themselves entangled in its embrace.

But lo, as the shadows lengthened,
And the air grew thick with unease,
They recoiled at the touch of desire,
For it was a foul and wretched thing.

It was a night of eerie whispers,
When desire, with its tainted allure,
Crept into the hearts of those
Who feared no sin, no darkness.

Even those who knew no fear
Were repelled by its twisted form,
And thus they turned away,
Leaving behind the stench of their own loathing.

See me as a man not as the monster you came to know

they said all I ever did
was to live by feeding off all your accomplishments,
that I was only a fiend-not your friend
but if they began from the beginning,
perhaps they'd understand...

I was just jealous-of your will and
determination,
to move on from the memories
and act as if they never did happen

8 months makes a memento
maybe that makes me pathetic-
to still be writing rhymes about you,
and lock you inside my head.

but-
don't you worry,
I'm about to move on
mister nobody will finally write his final lines.

The depth of the darkness you claimed to feel inside my eyes-
lead you straight to my secrets
and helped break through the seduction-façade-every lie...

I bet these brown burrows brought a sense of home
each time you laid in my arms it gave a sensation of hope

But poets are petty for guilt tripping those we claim
“we hold close”

however,
isn’t it unfair?
That I can’t fall asleep alone-
since my muse keeps holding my dreams for ransom-
every night infiltrates my subconscious
without an invitation...

I won’t put blame on you
it’s me who hates myself
for signing away happiness
trading it for selfish ***

I realized in the dusk of a darkening night,
when the rain enclosed a soggy emotion,
revelations of a cycle I have entrapped myself into-
came in spite of foggy-ill-ententions.

I had to leave and fill myself with hate
and pry you would feel the same before it’d be too late...

I hate how much I still love you, it honestly makes me sick.
apart of me wishes we could wipe the slate
and try another attempt.
but that’s the problem-it will never work

so sorry that I never learned and held onto the silence-I didn’t write all these lines to make you hurt
I know I must be a ****
giving you such simple things
like letters and gifts

keep something as a souvenir to remind you how it’s all meaningless stuff
for when the sun fades away - later today - there’s a chance {I will be considering} that you’ll actually be taking it all apart;
out of destruction-or embarrassment- the possibilities for you not to finish this note are endless...

but poetry is just words on dead trees
I speak in circles
for breakfast I’ll eat all my words
until I feel empty
then I’ll pour
every drop of this petty pain
into a symbolic rusted chalice
and drink until I get drunk-
off from my last soliloquy {that goes} ;

perhaps later in life - when we both reach our prime
we can sit down together and look each other in the eye
until then hate all the things I gave and took away from your life

I've seen it all...
the deserted
become the damaged
burning themselves against
a graffiti sanctuary
called
heaven's wall.

I was standing in the middle of the road,
A cross-road, between two different worlds,
Me and yours,

and baby girl,

Yours has so much more to explore,
Your personality I adore, your past is a mystery-
And I want to know more,

Here I am wrapped up all day,
Thinking of you constantly,
So let's take hand to hand and try to,
Unwrap what I'm really trying to say,
Like a present underneath the Christmas tree,

I wrote a poem inside a poem,
This one might sound cliché,
But what I think and feel is the truth-
To you and I can write about that all day

A - Anytime you need me just say
M - Making this smile stay and not go away
B - Being a friend first and foremost
E - Every secret keeping our trust so close
R - Running out of words to write, since they're all on my mind

Filling this page up line by line
Hoping in due time
You'll be mine

the currency is war - the debt is ***,
it’s time to repay the tax from the glory days.

conspiracy is free - among the men at sea,
they await to join Yankees that are drunken on the shore.

ad-ease! calm your sails - the wind startles lads, that jump at first sound of freedom.

she sounds like a fantasy - sung within our shanties , wearing silk and cotton undergarments.

liberty is precious - like a rose you must cherish, for our neighbors are caught with stone setting fire to our garden...

I walked in through an endless door I never knew I’d know
a calm climatic state of inner calamity,  
walking ever so slow
more painful than a leisure stroll through a fire
but my body so cold and feet shuffle almost like through snow.
A self dramatic portrait of a moment
colors could never capture my emotional movement.
It never hit so hard
I never heard words leave so soon
did those words I even spoke?
How could I? When I was too red to breathe  
only air I swallowed kept my voice shut as smoke does
fire-emotional-exact
water-falling-returned
spirit-uncertain-end.

humanity vs insanity;
a joke vs the punchline;
art captured in a single sentence-
such an inspiration seeing the beauty in pain-
a story of how life is;
absence vs abuse ;
addiction and his muse;
just one more semicolon to the self aware audience that this  triumph continues;
despondency of a tragic backstory leaves complacent agony of a stereo-typical-dictionary-picture-perfect-literary-school-subject­-finger-snapping-cloaked-poet-eddy-outcast-finger-poking-laugh-st­ock-lesser-person-desperate-feeling-introspective-adolescent-prot­agonist-of-the-1sided-tragic-heroic-epic-anthology-of-a-dark-mind­ed-online-persona-posting-exposed-person-caught-lurking-only-want­ing-something-someone(?)-person-love(?)-showing-only-rejecting-cr­iticism-critiquing-only-meant-toBe-helping-overthinking-over-thin­king…

Over
Thinking

coward…
finish the poem/
do you love her, or do you not?
they are all in anticipation with how you will prolong these unsettled emotions with interrupted punctuation…
ellipses are used as visual seeds on your paper to plant the exposition of the prologue to a metaphor illustrating a tree of all branching decisions that lead to this over exhausted tragedy
spilt the rain check or bark up new rearranged jigsaw  literature structures  
make this sentence not rhyme with any other jargon found above or below
sure…just reinsure you’re not the monster when you have so much self awareness to your problem,
don’t forget you’re an addict to self inflicted mistakes
back stabbing yourself hurts , but the rush is worth the risk your subconscious is the witness and victim but has no way to make you listen

COWARD
finish the poem/
no more discussions

a giggly child dancing in the rain
would watch it fall unto a stream
and puddles would grow to show a path
adventure awaits long at last
down the brook
through the grove
under a tree
across a mossy train road
how tragic it is to tell his fate
when last he met a golden gate
chased a fish to the depths
couldn't rise even with all his strength

simple beautiful ambience

alone, but only with you,

a red flush of burning flesh ; iron aftertaste on my tongue after the bass in my chest slows down

remarkably makes my heart panic as if in a crowded audience

deep breathe ; chapped lips ; sixth sense pushing me closer to your warmth

subconscious stranger to myself takes control when I know I must hold you ; but lack courage to confess the confidence I give you was a gift that you left

for me…

lust; a duet of polar opposite ambitions

secrets we kept and promises we wished on ; sacred touches and kisses we blushed upon

Insatiable flavor you bring ; familiar like a sound from a song I heard you sing

I don’t want to rush out of this Paradise; but I cant stand being a prisoner of this taunting device: I want to give us a chance, but do I need to put all my love up for good ? I hate gambling - I have a feeling - whenever the house plays with a loaded  dice

I want to do you - you nasty little creature

but I cannot stomach - you seeing another.

The sacred touch of your skin -
is nothing like theirs - to hƎll with all them-
I only need yours.

Am I just a Vermin - riddled with diseases - or am I worth saving ? until you don’t need me

I’m so pathetic but I’m so obsessive- maybe this is what true love is called...

It’s been 16 years and you still look the same-
Our hearts have been far apart but you still remember my name...
Your perfume sticks to your skin-
This room is filled from moments of fortune from when...
I show you the calluses to prove the age I am-
I hold your face with a rough touch from a hurting man...
My guitar hums a familiar tune-
I need to leave this place perhaps later maybe soon...
/Liquid IV tips and taps down a plastic glass\
Look into my broken brown eyes - look past the sadness of this moment - realize since everyone else has disappeared I won’t disappoint - I will always stay and still be here
Forever and now until your very last moment

A never ending flow of change, the nature of things move from the place they were before

your house is built on the way it was before, but the present goes to the future and the world moves

A never ending flow of holes that you must plug each and every moment

The faster you fix your problems the faster new ones come at you

The more you know, the more you realize that it's actually the less you know.

The never ending path of flow, deeper and deeper into insanity

the shine of her shrine brings fair smiles to some,
young lies fester and spread faster than flies hatching from larvae.

Days by days - weeks at a time - content is a constant crisis to our protagonist

summer is welting while winter is begging to stop the talk of death,
but change is soon - somethings are better not stopped; the same as letting the flame from the candle die with the room...

my elders consider my punishment like prison
separated from my phone but linked to a chain in my home
for 7 days any kid my age wouldn't survive but suffer
what's for supper?
wait, last night double pound
McStuffer burger?!
but dad...
mother!
I'm trying a new diet tonight and am in immediate incapacity
of filling my bottomless pit's wildest delights
perhaps an offer...(?)
every night I must survive
we can all share a nice family supper

—SHOW TIME—

Sorry for the way I stumbled into your life.
I swear to God-the floor was pulling at my ankles…
also! the celling top was giving me a backside high-five — the moment I finished the fifth and after the sun turned off the lights.

I embarrass myself each time I try to embrace this side,
cliche as falling in love like a rerun television show—
freaking out like a pubescent clown realizing he should have grown up to be a mime;
a silent touch of romantic irony, laughing at my own jokes,
until this awkward moment flies out the window…

stop me if you heard this one before;
why did time grow wings?
to fly by like a crow squalling-
that it is past time you should be married…

—PUNCH LINE—

unreliable communication
=
incomprehensible interpretations

being an addict to tragic accidents-
known as flirtatious Failures fulling the fire
of the metaphorical dying flicker to the love life of our protagonist-
this is precisely what was prophesied
from a poet’s birthday candle wishes.

it’s funny how Lady Luck and cousin karma have this affair of misfortune;
capsizing all relationships—
that were set to sail—
hook-line-and-sinker stationary in an icy-burn isolation.

hopefully time can thaw out this doomed  autobiography (of a poetic confession trapped with 4 borders boring the audience awaiting the same confession)
he has been struggling to sense together,
since the first line that was typed…

—MAKING UP MY MIND—

so I stand up with a straight face—
swallow the frog and eat the butterflies for breakfast—
walk up to you with full intentions,
with a sly grin you echo the words I mummer; just as a mic in a crowed place,
I repeat in a shy broken throat-making me more of a fool from the words I chose-
latter to laugh
and just to write about
how embarrassing I made our very first date…

behold such a pure spring smile
a gracious green witch is born-
to a family not kin of her own
sworn to protect and heal those-
close in heart and to her home.

a queen who wears a crown of purple
thoughts, wisdom burns power in her dreams
awake she feels not alone-
however over encumbered
from flurries of hearts upon her steps;
like luscious velvet rose pedals
she sees and treats
with delicately envied dances,
how light on her feet-
how she does not fight to seek
a story unfold
one from epics and elders foretold
of romances that burn into tragedies.
thus begins a seduction to another non verbal
intimacy.

her soul does not graze only to one
her will does not stay in an emerald-
covered-circle
her loyalty is not won with
sincerities of golden covered
apologies.
her strength grows from those
she seeks
understands what worship and openness
truly means;
to live with oneself and love the teachings
her goddess brings and ushers
forgiveness to ignorance
so she can change in a better way.

just as a calf sheds new fur
her growth is unknown
until the pain stains blood red anger;
into the mark of the mistake-
which makes her mind fell less alive
each time she stays in solitude
the sadness feeds darkening madness
which storms fresh seeds to another
growing self-massacre.
when love is lost she mediates
and waits...
patience pays.
when change arrives,
parties of the new black moon
bring smiles from close friends
together, hopefully sooner than later
these conversations
cause no more hibernations
to her inner most
beautiful creativity.
her passion
spills upon affection
to this second family
a faithful array-such colorful company-
a genuine celebration!
at least a fest deserves food for such festivities
moments pass as evergreen memories
which become hummed
as angelic melodies-
fulfill her every emotion sung through
the reflective windows of her soul
a glow from her eyes
shows happiness is still alive
which makes poets woe and lovers know
she is free

~ taurus

...look forward
now towards me
why do you shut down
why do you shut down
When all I am
is trying to be close to you?

I won’t look away…
Do you see the rain?
It’s just like you
It’s just like you
A free spirit
coming down to this world

Your eyes so red…
like stained glass that is cracked  
Just speak to me
Just speak to me
Your friends are here
We just want to speak

...all that you feel
Is hard to deal with here and then
Just look around
Just look around
We know pain
We are here to heal each other

sell your guitar and forget your dreams.
tell your friends it was just make-believe.
𝕒𝕗𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕒𝕝𝕝 you were just a kid hitting a drum, in your uncles garage.
meanwhile your mom was drunk; and your dad was busy beating the dog.
people will always laugh at your tragedies...

so head to bed and try to get some sleep
I’m certain when you awaken things will still be the same; Father Time is always late to the first outing - that’s why destiny takes so long for things to change.

keep your spirits high - just like that time you waited on your parents for a ride.
remember in that parking lot? you talked to your shadow for nearly 3 hours while your mum & dad where still parked-in the driveway getting high off of  disappointment and “ HAᗺITƧ " ...

stay inside your head; it’s a safe space from all the craziness. Just remember your not alone because I too have dealt with this, I love you Lewis. Goodbye