I think we need a drive with the windows down
Let me make you laugh can hardly stand to see you frown
I think we need a night lost in the music
Smoke one, smoke two, with you,
Mistake making, should be learning my lessons but im steady baking.
**** them **** them only investing time into people who do more than taking, thought about taking you, but anyways I wasent given my time for the wastin
so I always make sure to do what feels right,
I mean like I pay attention to everything
always watching to see if my dreams have meaning.

for you I really cared

I think we need a drive dazed with the windows down
Put you on that nana
Wanna get lost with you
Cant stop wanting to escape with you
Stay up real late with you
I think I'm in a trance.
If we tried I think we'd find cloud nine.
Take out a few hours with me.
I think we look for beauty in the simple things
Just one reason but you remind me of all I'm  grateful for
should I say more?

Waves pulling us deeper and deeper into this ocean.
Think we might need a night where we can just be open
Guessing you told me a little, think I just got my toes in.
I think there's a lot more to you than what they all see at the moment.
Not used to them showing you they care but I'm too focused in
This connection speaking louder than words
You the only thing I wanna go towards
Think we need a night.
my oh my...
I think we need some time lost in the music.
Been lost in amusing.
Honestly nothing more that I wanna do
Smoke one, smoke two, with you
Who knew
I just have to get lost sometimes
But I'm just in my mind, I lose track of time,
Being alone dont bother me no more
so **** them **** them..
only putting into people who do more than taking
God said he didn't give me life for the wastin
so I always make sure to do what feels right,
so I'm high like I'm a kite
I listen, try to hear what the world is giving
watching to see if my dreams have meaning is nature intervening?
Feel like anything could be a lesson
Like its just me, just checking in

I kept putting in overtime, nah
Cant keep ******* with somebody who aint really there
For you I really cared.
I didnt want to, watch you but **** I was there too/to -
see when your intentions changed
Nothing moved me quicker I was on the way
Cause I've always got the best out for me
even when the only person there is me.
Kinda thought you knew Id do that.
But it didn't make you back track, or think twice
Which made me choose to not have you in my life

so I switched up
put my blessings up
It hurts a bit
But Im full of it

Is there anyway I can pull you in?
Don't like to be needy but I need you
so please just dont say a thing
Do you have time to waste with me?
Talk or roll a blunt, We can think it over, I mean what ever flows and
Dance or have drink both sounds so ******* nice to me
Take me deep down, tell me the things you haven't been telling nobody
Just want to give you the opportunity to open up,
I know you're probably holding a lot in too,

I'm used to getting used so
I promise you can get real used to
none of that with me.

**** me spiritually
Its 2AM aint got no where else to be.
like you next to me
baby
I like what your say, what youre saying
Keep talking to me
What do you need
Just want to crown you in roses
Wanna surround you with lovinn

Sit back,
Tell me what you've been needing.
You don't have to be patient boy you know I come with It.

Spending all this time rolling with ya
See I don't care what we're doing
We can do what you want, I'm not looking to the door.

I want people to know I came this way,
I am going to make something of myself some day.
and I'm fighting every 24 hours only against me, the person I was yesterday. Yet my failures everyday make improvement seem so far away.
But I'll make it happen, I have to.
I'll follow my dreams I wanna  see.

Despite the fact that I am a high school drop out and failed multiple classes,
Despite the fact that I am prone to depression,
Despite the facts that some don't believe I can do it,
Despite the fact that I am diagnosed with A.D.D.
Despite the fact that I have an addictive past,
Despite the fact that I have a lower than minimal wage job,
Despite the fact that I have no college degree
Despite all this, I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL.

At the moment,
I'm learning the art of self-mastery.
If there's any flaw in me, let ME see, I wanna fix it, I know I am worth something, but I've got to find the master key.
I don't know what that requires, to find me...
Is it a bachelors degree?
An associates degree?
Well I don't know but I'll swim across the Mediterranean SEA just to feel FREE.

Yet I just took a test that  says my scores say reading level "7th grade"
Right now my math is "5th grade"
.....I'm starting college this year, in January.
and right now my dreams seem only imaginary.

But I wont give up,
because my longing to FIGHT for the wounded girl in every young women is to strong.
I wanna tell them to keep going! and to  NEVER GIVE UP.....
I wanna show them why suicide isn't the answer.
Why they are important, and valued, and tell them
"YOU HAVE GREATNESS WITHIN YOU."
I want to awaken the idea in them that each and every one of us was MEANT TO BE HERE AT THIS VERY TIME, this very decade because each of us has GIFTS that are MEANT TO BE developed to be KNOWN.

I want them to know that out of 400 MILLION ***** THEY were chosen to be here NOW.
THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO WHAT YOU WERE SENT HERE TO DO....
That it is not only necessary to be alive and motivated but it is necessary to work on our selves continually and our gifts.
I wanna save lives, because I tried to take mine, and  only now i can see, years later why I am happy to still be here.

I will tap into my gifts, and I will be successful, I will save lives.

Lord, I am trying to find my way.
Where do you best see me fit in the real world?
Thinking about it this much makes me want to hurl.
I know I just have to find my way, it takes time, and you will lead me.
But sometimes I get anxious and i wish you could just reveal to me what to do..
I guess im impatient but God I ask you, teach me not to be.
Teach me to be like you.

God, listen to my voice.
Watch my mouth and the way i speak my words.
Feel my heart, the way I am true in what I am about to say.
I want to honor you Lord.
Tell me, what can I be for you?
What do you want me to do?
If I knew I would do it.
I want to spend eternity with you God.
Tell me how can I be worthy?
I want to touch lives in your name.
God help me hear you, help me see beauty in the little things.
I love you daddy, my real father.
I love you, I love you, I love you,
I give u praise.

God thank you for today,
even though it wasnt the best,
I am still thankful

Thank you God for today.
I pray that there is a tomorrow
because today was great:)

Touch me, kiss me, lick me, rub me.\

**** me.

Dance for you, kiss on you

Taste you, **** you,
Watch my silhouette.

I want you.

Thank you God for happiness.
Thank you for listening to my cry's.
Thank you Lord for being by my side forever and always.

Thank you Lord for my mom.
Thank you for giving her the ability to give me freedom and for her to trust me.

Thank you Lord for my dad, how he speaks in my life.

Thank you Lord for Anthony, how he brings me happiness and fun and love into my life.

Thank you Lord for the church, I am exited to see how you will use me in this soon future.

Help me love harder, stronger, Lord I ask you to give me the opportunity to do this.

What do you want to be for me today, in this situation that you couldn't be for me in another?

It all makes sense now
I feel calmer
My spirit is relaxed
I know he loves me and that is more than enough
He makes me smile God, please help me keep him around and get my **** together.
Thank you God

Why do I feel so confused?
Why must everything be so complicated?
....I feel lost in nothing, yet lost.
Lost FOR nothing.
I just want another night,
another chance to not blow it.
I want to be the girl of his dreams.
I want to be the best me for him, for me.

God what is wrong with me?
Why did you make me this way?
What is it that you want to be for me in this situation that you couldn't in another?
I want to see,
I want to open my eyes,
my mind.
I'm not gonna give up,
on me.
God please show me what it is you want me to be opened up to.

Help me be happy God I want to be happy.

My whole life has changed since you've come in, in such a beautiful way.
You're my best friend, the love of my life, and such an abundant blessing to this world.
You remind me who I really am, when I feel lost in my emotions.
You're love brings peace, smiles, uncontrollable laughter, you brighten up every moment that you are with me just by being there.
You make me feel whole, you make me feel like a somebody and far beyond that, you tell me day after day of my worth.
I wanna grow in God with you,
I love praying for you.
For your happiness, for your health, for you to have energy to press through another hard day when you have one, I pray for stress relief over you, I ask God to bring you strength through adversity in your life, for you to have joy that over flows, and so much more!
You're not God and I do not try to replace you with him but I feel whole when I am by your side.
I forget every challenge that I am facing, you give me a reason to want to fight for success, to fight for me when I cant find another.
I brush off loneliness, hatred, impatience, and anything holding me back when I think of you,
because when I think of you, I always smile and I just cant help it but be happy when you're on my mind.
I always hope for the best with you, I will always cheer you on,
always pray for you, because I love you:)

When I think of all the times you've made me smile,
I love you.
When I think of all that we have gone through, pushed through to get here,
I love you.
When I think of every fight we have had,
I love you.
When I think of all the times I have missed you,
I love you.
When you make me laugh,
I love you.
When you say something rude and un called for
I love you
When I am wrong and you put me in my place,
I love you.
When I think of times that you've made a false step,
I love you.
When I think of your adorable dimples accenting your cheeks when you laugh,
I smile:)
When you're mad at me, and raise your voice,
I love you,
Because I do.
Nothing you do could ever change my love for you.

So much lead up to the day I said "I love you"
I meant it.
I was overly confident about knowing my love for you.
I was so for sure.
And i still am!
After every night wee stayed up fighting,
after every time I hurt your feelings,
after every amazing moment that i have spent with you,
after every "I love You"
after every "hello" and "goodbye"
after every kiss,
and after every day,
I am still just as sure,
as the very first day I spoke those words to you.
I love you,
and I always will:)

I used to be suicidal, its been a year since I've had those thoughts.
I used to hide my arms, I am no longer addicted to self harm.
I used to hate myself, now I can say I am on a mission to love myself.
I used to have no hope, now I carry It.
Look how far I have come.
I am something to be proud of.
I used to be a blank canvas and now my story is evidence that I've lived.
I struggled with depression but now I am walking in recovery.
I am not a depressed person trying to become happy, I am a deliriously happy person fighting off depression.
God thank you for molding me and helping me grow.
Thank you for sending an upgrade every time I have a trial.

I have hatred for  the way I FEEL
Yet without this towering misery over me, I wouldn't know how to HEAL.
I wouldn't have  searched out and brought light into finding myself, me.
I would have kept seeking for unconditional love in someone else, like yourself, you.
When really i need to stop loving myself conditionally, cause these wounds sting.
I need to devote to loving ME.
Yes me.
So yes, yes, I AGREE, I need to learn, but can't you SEE how this COULD BE distressing...
Like how the **** did SHE and how the hell did HE,
Belittling myself out of confidence,
and
Over thinking into depression.
yet I know I'm worth more than this, I get it, no im not a failure I get it. But as luck would HAVE IT, my mind has a go AT IT, and discovers a sensitive spot for it to pick at it.

**** this place.

I'm frozen from love here.

Yet if i hadn't come here,
I wouldn't have known i needed to grow.
Caving in to sadness, I get lost in feeling hopeless.
But I won't give up.
Because I'm not a failure,
even though I feel like one,
and I AM wonderful even though I don't feel like it.
I WILL have better days...
God teach me how to love me.
Teach me how to fall in love with me.
I want to grow.