He's the person I've loved in a way that I haven't loved anyone else, he's the person I call when I'm about to cry, he's the person I call when I'm happy. He knows me more than I know myself and I've memorized every single detail about him. I'm too attached. Way too attached to let go now but it's a matter of trust and loyalty. No matter what I end up thinking about him, nothing's ever too distracting enough to make me stop thinking about him. I'm lost and confused and doubting the idea of us still being together. He completes but somehow there's something missing. Love's a ****** up feeling and I'd rather be numb right now than feel everything at once. I want to open up to my friends without sounding like a weak and helpless person and my friends tell me things I don't want to hear. I used to say I was strong enough and I know my worth but **** when it comes to love everyone's weak and helpless. and one thing's for sure there are no happy endings in this messed up world.

Depression eats my soul like a snail eats algae,
slowly consuming and withering it away with time.
I want to crawl into a hole and burry myself in it.
I don't want to talk to anyone for fear my depression will be as a virus and infect those I love.
So i hide myself away in my room all alone.
A fate I fear that will always be the end result in my life.
To always be lost and forever alone.

I shed my armour,
Displaying my vulnerabilities.
I shouldn't have.

It must have been a dream I dreamed,
at least it seemed so
because he was here
and I had never seen him so clear,
at least it did appear so.
All his features were figments of my thought,
I thought I caught the hint.
I hoped I knew
better than to
fall in love with you,
the idea of true
perfection.
Don't place the blame on me for reaching out
and I wont place the blame on you for turning around.
I guess I crossed an imaginary line with an imaginary man.

i forget

deep at night
no one
no thing

deep bliss

i wake
in lila

who am i?
what am i?

i lose everything

they are me
why???


are they afraid?

so violent?

i am ready to
give this
false life
for the
knowledge of
the ONE

SO FEW
know

please don't
crucify me

if you do
it matters not

the way of
the manifestation

who are YOU?

who am I???

or i  ???

You are the sweetest of my torments.
You're the tangible torture of citrus
The bite followed by the ****
Fresh and unbearable in the same instance

You're the lemon zest scent;
You're the juice in the cut
As the knife cuts my thumb;
The sweetness meeting the wild coppery tang
of blood in my mouth.

You're in the twist in my chest
that exists somewhere between my heart and my stomach
both organs being wrenched apart...
When I see you and remember that we haven't spoken in months.