It is crazy how from one day someone can’t stop thinking about someone or something that meant so much to them. Then in over a few days it’s like they were never there, they forget you. And it hurts even more when you spill out your feelings to someone that means so much to you even though that you know that you mean absolutely nothing to them. But you know that anyways, and you still try. And it still hurts. A lot. And you know it would.
I hate it even more that I remember the days that we spent together. The amount of love that we had for each other. I really don’t know what to think much less do anymore. I feel like every time that I try and be happy there is an 85% chance that it will blow up in my face. I just feel like a fool.  It is honestly starting to feel that I can’t love my self anymore. I just feel like a failure with anything and everything I do.  
I can still remember the wishes that we had. The wishes that we would last forever. The wishes that we would be the ones that people would say “****, they are still together?” The wishes of having our own family and our own place after collage or even sooner then that. Now, all of the wishes are gone and the only wishes that I have is to get over you and to try and be happy. For myself

i wanted to tell everyone all
the beautiful things
i loved about you

all the things
we know makes you
steal my breath away

i wanted to spread
love and
warm embraces

as if i were using
passion to paint
over everyone's imperfections

like my world
was a canvas
and the love
were my shades and hues

that i could help
you to love yourself
more

and for all of them
to love others
this way too

to think
that maybe
this kind of love
could help everyone

to see more
types of beautiful in
themselves

too close
too far away from what will be

I cannot say for sure
for flowers never faded where
no foot has trod

And deep beneath the waves
are a million different spectrums of a flying color's
Dream

Bound up in my heart I feel it stirring
whirring
flipped out before the hindsight of a thousand years
And yes, I think, he knows what's best

For us
for you and me

Green hills never died for lack of laughing but our hearts aren't grass and smiles are a dime a dozen
at all the places no one ever goes

Joy is free.
Unless you want to say contentment
is a tax

But then again, why not

Diagnosis now confirmed
no need to worry anymore
all's that left is to exist
based on the verdict I can't dismiss

checkbox marked on the form
DSM stating the obvious
discerning the true verdict
from the wreckage of my life

now the path has been prescribed
in the book of consequence
unknown pages yet unturned
none or more before the cure

being broken is not enough
medicine must be consumed
if the diagnosis is made firm
the undoing is all that's left.

© 2018. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20180202.