every time i think about us
i remember the way we smiled while looking into each other's eyes
but every time i realize you're no longer here
my eyes well up
and become flooded with a pool of tears

my heart stings and longs for you
i just don't know why i wasn't enough for you to stay
i miss you so much
maybe you'll come back some day

but was the feeling ever mutual?
i fear that maybe you just never felt the spark like i did.

sometimes it hits me like a brick
the realization that you're not there anymore
the realization that i'll never be able to feel your touch again
i'll never be able to be in your presence again
oh how i miss being next to you

then i wonder how it was real
it was just so perfect, until it wasn't
i just don't get how someone who made me feel more than anyone else has could leave my life so quickly
i don't get how we weren't meant to be

not a day goes by where i don't think of you
and i hate myself for it

was it just the idea of you?
or the potential of what we could've been?
or was it genuinely just you as a person?

for whatever reason, i still can't seem to get you off my mind
i can't forget the way i felt when we looked into each other's eyes
i can't forget how my whole body filled with joy when you smiled

oh how i miss it, but i will never know if you feel the same

daddy why don't you love me anymore
you know mom never did
it's almost as if you're dead
yet you're still alive
you can't protect me from her insults anymore
because now, you're the one going along with it

making sandcastles at the beach while being basked by the sun
quickly turned into doors slamming so hard that the room vibrates

laughing until our ribs felt like they would burst
quickly turned into insults that would rot my soul away

jubilantly screaming on rollercoasters and squeezing hands tightly
quickly turned into punches and threats

smiles that shined brightly with purity and joy
quickly turned into tears that i'd find myself drowning in every night

being daddy's little girl
quickly turned into being the one that got away