I just hope that whenever my feet are finally dancing a lethal dance at a bridge's ledge, that your voice is the one I hear shouting "don't jump".

One morning
you'll wake up
and your skin will feel soft
your hair will fall perfectly
and you won't miss
him.

The boy who loves me wonders why I won't tell him I love him. I don't tell him because of you. I don't tell him that I was scared to love and you were the one who made me do it. I don't tell him that I didn't want to open my heart to you but I did because you made me believe that you would never leave. I don't explain that the reason I flinch when people get close to me is because the only touch that I can feel is yours still lingering on my skin. I don't say that before you I didn't see a future until you forced me to picture one that I wouldn't ever be able to experience. I can't tell him because I'm still choking back the tears that I held in when you walked out of my bedroom and shut the door. You got so angry that I didn't open up but once you plied me open you left. And now I'm broken like your phone apparently was the night you were with the girl that made you lose your love for me. So maybe you could do me one ******* favor, and try to explain to the boy that really does love me why I can't love him back.

Just because I'm an atheist,
doesn't mean I lack morality.
In fact, my morality
is what I pride myself on.
I have this strong urgency
to love everyone
because I refuse to listen to
the God of discrimination.
I certainly don't need a book
that condones ****, slavery,
misogyny, and genocide
to teach me right from wrong.

Just because I'm an atheist,
doesn't mean my life has no meaning
It just means I have
the freedom to choose my own.
I have value
because I know how
to be a giving person
without having to be tempted
with eternal bliss.
If you're only being helpful
to others due to a promised reward,
does it not cease to
be a good deed?

Just because I'm an atheist,
doesn't mean I have no one
to look up to.
God doesn't create us,
women do.
And why the hell
can't I praise a goddess?
We are creating misogyny
young, claiming that
little girls are always to
put a him first,
instead of themselves.

Just because I'm an atheist,
doesn't mean I hate God.
It's impossible that which
you do not believe exists.
And I desperately don't want
him to exist, because if he does,
then that means he doesn't care,
that he's okay with
watching me suffer.
I don't need any more
people letting me down.

Just because I'm an atheist,
doesn't mean I worship the devil.
It's impossible to worship
that which you do not
believe exists.
But if he did exist,
then I would embrace him
at hells entrance -
tell him I too know what it's like
to be turned into something evil.
Thank him for taking all
the rejected souls that God
turned away without a second glance
Remind him that losing
something good can win you
something great.

Just because I'm an atheist,
doesn't mean I think
Billy Graham is a *******.
No, I actually do
think Billy Graham is a *******.
Anyone who has the audacity
to claim God wanted
marriage to be between
a man and a woman,
when marriage was constructed
long before Christianity was,
doesn't deserve to be
preaching to our children.
This is indoctrination
of the worst kind.

Just because I'm an atheist,
doesn't mean I hate religious people,
only what they preach.
I'm tired of people blanketing
their bigotry with
"religious freedom"
and getting away with it.
If you build a fire
to warm yourself,
and end up burning down
someone's home,
your warmth doesn't bring
their house back.
And it doesn't let you off
the hook for accountability....
Unless you're a Christian
because America was founded
on Christian morals, right?
***** John Adams who says
"The Government of the
United States of America
is not in any sense founded on
the Christian religion."
Or Thomas Jefferson
who encourages you to
"Question with boldness
even the existence of a god."
Or James Madison who once said
"Christianity's fruits are
superstition, bigotry,
and persecution."
But what do the
founding fathers know anyway?
This nation was created only
for those deemed worthy,
those who never realize
they have the right to
think for themselves.

Just because I'm an atheist,
doesn't mean I have all the answers.
But neither do you.

You tried to change me and maybe that's why I actually weighed my options this time. You forced me to realize the handprints I left on people's life. I'm sorry that the only ones I left on you were around your neck. I swear to god I was just trying to hold your face in my hands so I could kiss you. Maybe I just treated you the way I wanted to end myself.  & like drugs, people become toxic. But we don't always start out that way. I am a parasite, slowly but surely destroying you. I can't tell if I push you away because I'm trying to save you or **** myself. I'm a drug, a parasite and the worst possible thing to love.  i destroy everything in my path. & im tired of hurting people. I will only be content when you are safe so let ME save YOU. You made me promise I wouldn't end my life but let's compromise... How about I promise to end it quickly?

- I don't want to hurt you anymore

the sickest part
about realizing you are in love with someone
is figuring out that
they don't have to love you back
we believe that
the person that we hold closest to us
should hold onto us just as tightly
sometimes they can't
because they are too busy
holding onto someone else
who isn't holding them back either
and the trend goes on forever.

so after all of this, here i am
sitting on the edge of another strangers bed
coughing up all the 'i love you's that were said to me
but never meant for me
i realize now that curses don't always unbreak
the past is tied to you
like cinder blocks around your ankles
and pressing hard against your chest
like the weight of his other woman
your true loves kiss
wont fix a **** thing
if the love isnt mutual
lately ive learned that
it is sometimes better when you get stuck
kissing your own wounds
and sometimes is always
i never believed that i was somebody
that someone else could love again

thank you for proving me right

They teach you a lot in school
How to add, multiply, divide,
& subtract.
But they don't teach you how to say
you're sorry for wanting to **** yourself
when everyday, people who want to live
die.
They don't teach you how to deal with
the aching sadness,
the crippling darkness,
& the desire to subtract yourself
from this life.
I know how to factor,
but I don't know how to hold myself together.
They can teach you a lot in school.
But they couldn't teach me
to love myself.