Do you know
How many tears I've shed
Over the things you've said?
Of course you don't.

Do you know
You have been the source of my pain
Wondering how much till I go insane
Of course you don't.

Do you know
How good I am at faking a smile
Strutting in my typical positive style
But I put this barrier to hide the hurt
Pretending not to feel like absolute dirt
Of course you don't.

Do you know
You use to be so special to me
While I stood and watched you leave
Of course you don't.

Do you know
That I wonder what you feel
Maybe you understand this is real
That you are hiding your true self too
Clutching, wondering what to do
Because you feel the exact same way
Wanting me to call out for you to stay
Of course you don't.

Do I know?

Sometimes I just wonder

Wonder about everything and anything
Wonder about the past, the present, and the future
The possibilities, chances, wishes, dreams

And sometimes thinking about all this
Makes me petrified
Scared for what is to come
Worrisome of my choices
Indecisive of my path
Hesitant of my actions
Unsure, wavering, uncertain
And at other times
I am excited
Ready for the world
Broadening my horizons
Prepared to spread my wings
And soar
Ability to be
Anyone I want to be
To decide however I want to decide

And then sometimes I just wonder

Wonder about everything and anything
Wonder about the past, the present, and the future
The possibilities, chances, wishes, dreams

And then I stop
I stop wondering and question
I marvel at my conflictions
I embrace the opportunities
Laid out before me

Sometimes I just wonder

If wondering is a waste of my time
If thinking too much
Can cause you to walk in circles
In a never-ending cycle
Within this immeasurable infinity
Of such an inexhaustible vastness
Which we call our world

I wonder again
Maybe this is what makes me human

Of all the things that I could wish and hope for,
I prayed to a god who I doubt and disappoint;
begging for him to take me back in time,
just so that I could unmeet you... for one last time,
frankly, there isn't much that I wouldn't do,
for this to all become true.

When I meet her gaze,
it rips the soul from my body
and ***** it through time and space
into her hollow and vacuous eyes.
Into the vacuum of her being.

I find myself in her mind
and step tentatively over the creases
and folds of her grey brain,
avoiding the beehives hanging like grapevines
from the ceiling of her skull.

But my eyes adjust to the light
and I see that my fears are misplaced,
it's not hives hanging inside her mind
but a series of dark rainclouds
behind black and blue skies.

It's too dim in here, thinks I,
where's all the sunshine?

If it's true, and her sun has died
I would douse myself and burn alive
just to provide her a little reading light,
just to dry out her rainy skies and
maybe brighten up her nine lives.

If it's true that her moon is hollow and dim
then I would be proud to fill it up again,
I would be happy to reinflate it's craters
with my final dying breath,
with all the essence of my being.

And I would hang it there in the night,
surrounded by the hole-punched skies.
So maybe when it reflects my self-immolation,
light would shine down through her beautiful eyes
and into that long-neglected mind.