"Always become the one being hurt
Rather than ever hurting another"
Words I have strived to live by
The philosophy left by my mother

I've always tried to live my life
Standing up for what is right
Helping others no matter the cost
Being everyone's shining knight

What a horrible way to live

Even when I was on the verge of breaking
Even when the burden seemed too large
I always took it onto myself
And it was always free of charge

They all need to pay

But lately there is this voice
Echoing from the back of my mind
That is always fighting to take over
It wants to punish the unkind

Maybe I don't want to forgive

Tell me who is that inside me
Those thoughts can't be my own
Even when there's no one around
Somehow I am not alone

Just let me come out and play

I'm trying to keep it at bay
Am I past the point of no return?
I JUST WANT THE VOICE TO GO AWAY
But.... *Now....it's my turn

My heart
Is a happy drunk
A little too open
A little too optimistic
It's over in the corner of the bar
Playing poker
Screaming at the top of it's lungs
I'M ALL IN
When it's never
To this day
Had a winning hand

My heart
Is a sad drunk
A little too lonely
A little too caught up in tears
It's over at the counter
Forcing the bartender to take its keys
Because it would rather not go home
Than go home alone again

My heart
Is a reckless drunk
A little too unbalanced
A little too impaired
It's over by the door
Making everyone nervous
A little too good at scaring people away
A little too far gone

Like you
A little too far gone
Turn your head
Shuffle away and pretend you don't notice
The breakdown of a heart
Too drunk on feelings
To know when to stop

The world is blue
A vision of the past
Every lie is true
Honesty cannot last

We were born in fear
A landscape of jagged glass
Among terror and tears
Sailing a ship without a mast

In the starless sky
Our broken dreams live
Dying, up on high
Sleep has no more to give

No fantasies to sacrifice
No ideals left to ****
No aspirations or paradise
Life is a struggle uphill

myaddiction

I'm addicted to love.
And
I'm addicted to blond hair.
And
the color blue.
and
I'm addicted to the smell of smoke.
And
I'm addicted to the way I feel around you.
And
I'm addicted to green eyes.
And
Im addicted to sunshine.
And
warmth.
I'm addicted to sadness.
And
I'm addicted to hiding.

But most of all.

*I'm addicted to being alone.

Insomnia
I'm not sure
Are we friends?
Or enemies?
I prefer the nighttime
It's quiet and peaceful
The calmness alone is beautiful
For that, Insomnia
I thank you
For all of the times I needed to be asleep however
But didn't even know where to begin
I struggle with you
Laying in bed
Wide awake
Bombarded with thoughts
To a point where my body is so exhausted
Yet my brain is running laps
It's a love-hate relationship I have with you Insomnia
Can I catch a break?