I read never to trust in our own understanding and I believe that.
So I continue learning from the only source or line possible, a faithful and discrete slave, one who does not lie; one who is consistent and continually searching and researching for truth.
It is not something within me, but external I listen to. 
A light that grows ever brighter through a humble channel and it makes sense.
I enjoy a feast of knowledge, a wonderful stream I can drink from and my roots stay strong because of it. Grateful and privileged I endure in a state of joy.

For the sunrise and the rain
despite the storms, come as they may
For the pbj giggles and grins
For legs that have the chance to tire out
For the sweet aroma of cinnamon and vanilla
in the wee morning hours
For the sights and sounds all around me
For white peaks against a bright blue sky
For inspiring sunsets closing out the day
For full yellow moons or Cheshire cat grin slivers
With a blanket of stars surrounding

Tears like waterfalls crash down in never ending emotion. Ripped from reality, doomed, hopless, under mind control; instability everywhere. She wanders through a nightmarish scene. A scoundrel who owns her every move, her thoughts a desperate secret she has to keep. Begging the pain to end, begging for answers to questions she cannot ask. What is love?

by the river
in the tall grass
under the moon
poles in the sand

on a blanket
lantern on a branch
sipping ice cold coronas
hand in hand

I stood there in the closet
Plotting it out
How I was gonna wear
her outfit
Without her figuring out
The one with the stripes
And the ******* belt

She always had something
I wanted you see
Something I couldn't have
Was what I wanted to be

Like the hand me down things
She handed to me
Her hand me down love
was my everything

I was walking on air
When she gave them to me
Like a million bucks
Felt like I won the lottery
In her hand me down love
I was glistening

Hand me down shoes
Hand me down rings
Hand me down clothes
Hand me down things

Mischievous smiles

against golden sunset hues

orange, reds and blues

Pranks in tow

carefree laughter that follows.

Bright eyes, lizards, snails and slingshots.

Campfire sing-a-longs  

through the moist light air

under a blanket of stars

sleeping in tents

with the days dusty hair

Cozy long john sleepers

are

curled up in sleeping bag dreams.

Have you kissed bruises
On a broken heart
Have you ever loved?
Have you forgiven
All the hurt
Have you ever loved?
Have you been used
Left and even abused
By the ones you loved?
I know a secret
It's best not to dwell on it
Because of all the good
That's all God sees
Even under rejection
Under the hurt of the lies
And all the despise
He forgave us
So tell me true,
Have you?
Every really loved?

So many people compare
exquisite experience to heaven
as if they had an idea

He is bold
Pristine
A molded vessel
Listening
Forgives
Wants me
Stays even when
I'm far away
I want his love
I want to be his
One day

Not a single flaw presented
He walked a straight
Unfettered line
Unafraid
Decisive
Not a worry for the past
He left behind
Unmarked in all his ways
He left footprints
For us to follow
His death was bitter,
cruel & undeserved
This is a pill to swallow
Of value unsurpassed
All he ask
Is that we show our faith
Through action
So we must obey
truly I tell you today
our sins will be forgiven

honestly your honesty
leaves a lot to be
desired
you said to me
rather candidly
"3 or 4 others
don't matter
love is something
you give away"
so as long as they're
okay, with letting you play
i shouldn't mind
either
only thing i see
is your honesty
clearly is your only flaw
so charismatic
you take your place
as if you belong
with every pretty face
you see as you scan the room
well honestly
i don't see what you see
all  i can say is
thank you
for showing me...
you

If
there's
one thing
I appreciate
it's honesty,
I mean honestly
let's be forthright,
let's be straight forward
and decisive
& most of all
let's be honest
for without this
nothing is real

honey catches more bees than vinegar ever will
Hahaha who the heck wants to catch something that stings?
No I'll keep my honey, honey,
I'll feed it to the mama bears  they know what it's like to be stung

Stretched so thin it almost breaks
That place deep within
Where anxiety stems
making you curse your birth
and everything that matters most.
Hormones.
The day you find out he never cared is the same day, slowly flowing down the fallopian highway, comes the one bond you will never break.
Something no one can ever take.
That sort of saves you; only the ache truly doesn't fade.
Because the fact remains, the only thing that feels like life, the only breath that makes us thrive
That one truth that is only just out of reach, will drive you completely insane.
Hormones stay,  telling you it won't be good again.
Never like it was with him.
Your heart screams out in pain
He rolled his eyes as he threw you away.
Tossed in with his collection of forgotten names.
When commitment sang
he ran away
never looking back
You squeeze your veins
trying to cut off the feeling
The sting of swollen eyes
stomach in knots
Knowing he lied
He didn't see you as worth his time
Makes a woman feel like a bundle of hormones.
Heart unseen
Mind's all a mess now
Over what was never said
testosterone driven
By her scent, her hips
The taste of her smooth skin.. It was all primitive.
Hormones.

Soft small fingers
reach down
& pluck
the fresh tip
of a blooming daisy

Proudly proclaiming
"For you!"
Handing up the stub

All smiles
You snicker and
Happily accept

Even if
there is no stem
you grin and say
"How beautiful"

He loves me he loves me not
He loves me 2,000 miles away
Always loves me at a 3 or 5
but no larger than 8
12 is a turn off; 
 there's never a second glance
So I guess that must mean
there's no second chance

Feels
Like chills all through your veins
Like nothing you can explain
Stops
You in your tracks just like that
Breath slows
Deep breaths don't stop
Feels
Like a brick just dropped on your head
Like you would rather be dead
Like your head is in a vice
Feels
Like you can't live your life
Feels
So good you want to scream
Then wake up &
find out
it was only a dream

Words
They make your tiny wheels
Turn like clockwork
It's automatic
Sometimes the wheels
Spin so fast
Damage happens
Irreparable thoughts enter
A snap occurs
Reaction follows
The result
An immense collapse

On the other hand
The opposite
A building of
Encouragement
Helpful and thoughtful
Collections of compliments
Making a person believe
They can achieve anything

Oh how powerful
Are words

Colorful thoughts, whispers in a snicker, sharing with a kindred in the warmth of closeness. This is what it is to be human.

To love completely, healing sobs of heartache leaning on a trustworthy shoulder, arms tightly wound around souls.

To care, desiring peace for all, comfort for the helpless. Genuine gestures of  courage, lending manpower and strength, to build and build up the less fortunate.

An image of love

This is what it means to be
human.

All this voting on the TV is truly
making me ill. Only to find the next imperfect man who will lie, cheat and steal. Human ******* til he causes the deepest ill.  Replaced by the next man who can never heal.
So mankind goes through another 4 years of war, greed & hunger.
As I ponder....
This predicament,.. I wonder why it's done. Year after year people placing their hope in total redundanance. History repeating itself over and over again. As if never learning is a never ending trend.

I just shake my head; I already placed my vote for something else instead, For an Almighty Government already set in place. One to which my King and His Kingdom will never be replaced. It will cure all of makind, from every human race.  From imperfection, hate and violence, from every sick & duranged plague.

It is no earthly physical thing, it is a heavenly one. It is a Universal Government ruled by
God's only begotten son.

I suppose I am not so broken
it is impossible for me to keep it
together

I could use gold to piece my heart together in a mosaic fashion

Then I can proudly display my masterpiece

I am still golden
I still have a heart of gold

Only
a much more delicate
Far more valuable
work of art

I believe in my heart
I believe in free will
In forgiveness & mercy
faith & conscience still
I believe love conquers
Above all
I believe a lot
Is bound to fall
Many will fail into thin air
Like the chaff, will disappear
I believe in what's written
Centuries in advance
Holding  prophetic value
Giving humans a chance
I believe that Jehovah
Cannot lie
I believe in what's true
Over what is a lie

I don't know how
I'm lost in thoughts of you

Don't you worry about me
I'll take the good with the bitter
Words are something
Repeated
Over and over

I consider it all joy
Even when we suffer
Like the string from my sweater
Snagged and unraveled
barely a thread left

Because
it never was mended
you see my dear
I've been suffering
as long as I can remember
What is one more day

I don't want a control freak
& I don't want lust.
I don't want someone
who smothers too much
I don't want a parent;
no I don't need a dad.
I don't want temporary,
I never want that.

IF* I were to seek your approval
or just the agreeing nod of your head
IF I eagerly awaited the upturn
of the corners of your mouth instead

IF I was so concerned about your thoughts
of me and who I am
I'm afraid I would not go far at all dear
I'm afraid I'd be better off dead

They say ignorance is bliss
and bliss it must be
because
ignorance is just so easy

I slowly dipped my toes in at first
Yes it took me a while
I shifted, sifted, pondered, waited & then
I decided to jump right in
It was time
I quit thinking it over
I stopped thinking the worst
I stopped waiting and wishing
I decided to jump head first