Outlast all my troubles
my demons close behind ;
To get to the end where the light of heaven shines

Apparently im losing
apparently im lost
So viciously unfocused
i fall and pay the cost

Uncanny how they breach in
My pride was like a boat
its dawning several holes
to water im exposed
then drown..

My issues give me pounds on rearrival
lately hits to ego have me feeling small as Fievel..
I feel as though im lacking
or unfit for this girl ;
They tell me play the game
while cheaters run the world..

I'm this person today, but tomorrow I'll be someone else
Do not become attached to me,
I'm not the same as I was yesterday  
I'm not the same person you once knew,
I'm not pure
I'm not an angel
I'm far from perfect...
If I talk to you today,
I won't talk to you tomorrow,
I don't know what's going on with me,
All I know is that I don't belong...

If I remember you today
and I forget you tomorrow
Forgive me,
I'm not feeling so well . .
I'm sick and im aware
I'm unconscious of the on-going flings
I tend to make,

If I laugh with you tonight
And show you no emotion tomorrow,
Forgive my judgement...
I live for moments in minutes ,
I die in a matter of hours,
My love is here sometimes
And then it is gone...
I am made of steel,

It's sad to say I can no longer feel....

When I speak of words that can make you believe you are nothing, of hands that hold you so tight you can't breathe, of eyes that are always there when you lay in bed at night -
I hope you don't understand what I'm talking about.

When I stand in the shower for two hours and look at the scars on my body, at the fine lines that will remain there until the end of time -
I hope you don't understand what I'm thinking about.

When I'm sitting in the passenger seat while you drive and staring at the people and places that pass us by, at the mother and father holding their child's hand while they walk down the pavement -
I hope you don't understand why I need to hold your hand for the rest of the trip.

When we're facing each other in bed, hearts beating together, and you rest a heavy hand on my face and whisper I love you -
I hope you understand why I can only answer with tears.

I find it hard to decide -
if our tragedy is defined by loving each other or by not loving at all.

Would life have been any different if I had not felt my heart collapse within my chest, or watched you leave a hundred times over?
I don't think anything would have changed at all -
because in the end, you are always gone.

That is something that will never change,
no matter what lies my heart tries to tell itself. You are gone.

I don't feel any pity for my heart when it's tucked into a dark corner,
barely alive on its last few beats. It's abandoned and I can hear it shedding tears from across the room.

Come back, it cries.
It has the face of a little girl and her brown eyes are wet, long lashes dripping with memories. They splatter on the floor and become nothing in an instant.

She's clutching her hands against her chest -
such a tight grip for small, shaky hands. I don't feel any pity. I don't.
There's nothing I can do for her. Nothing at all.

Come back! she screams. She's too weak to crawl, too tired to run.

She stops beating within me the moment she whispers, please. Her dead body is left, untouched, in that dark corner where it'll never be found.
There's nothing I can do for her. Nothing at all.

The biggest tragedy, I've come to realize, is not the fact that you left me so many times. It's how slowly the realization of your loss crept into me when I wasn't looking, wasn't paying attention, wasn't thinking of you.

You made me leave myself and now I'm left with nothing at all.