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naxiai Feb 3
sipping a smoothie through my straw -
taste buds lighting up with how good it is.

but it's not as good as you,
not as sweet as you.

you're my favorite craving -
and i don't care about the toothaches
or the cavities
if it means i get one more taste of you.
naxiai Dec 2019
in the midst of a dream
on thanksgiving morning
i was snoring away in a peaceful slumber when
firm hands wrapped around my stomach,
a couple of long fingers rested familiarly upon my breast

your hot breath was lighting up the back of my neck like a bushfire
your whiskers tickling the top of my spine
now i was awake.

you were breathing so heavily -
“go back to sleep” i mumbled, making myself smaller in your embrace
you got even closer against me
unbearably closer
whispering like you knew something i didn’t
“i just wanted to get your attention”

nothing was thought of that
i wanted to go back to sleep, after all
and you are known for playing games
but i don’t think i would be lying if i said that
my heart started beating like a mad drum
the hairs on the back of my neck stood up
and my whole body became the most awake it’s ever been
when you said
“i...love you”

i won’t forget that moment -
and i still have the biggest smile on my face that
is beginning to hurt.
“i love you too” i said so, so, so quietly
because i was afraid i was still sleeping in a dream
and none of it was real.
but we did go back to sleep -
and when we woke up again later
i knew deep in my heart that we had spoken those words to each other
in the world of the living.
and i am thankful for that.
we have been dating 1 year and 4 months.
naxiai Nov 2019
hormonal surges
make me, force me, pain me -
they hold me by the back of my head
and spit nasty words at me
but all of that is routine.

the worst thing of all is -
they remind me
of how much i need you
they sneer at me
for crying when i have to sleep alone
they laugh at me
when i want to hear your voice just once
they yell at me
when i search for your scent on one of my old t-shirts

hormonal surges
bleeding from between my legs -
all of that is routine.
but how deeply i miss you -
that is something that makes me hang my
head in shame.
naxiai Jul 2019
we've been talking for 47 minutes and 33 seconds
we already talked earlier today
i like listening to you ramble
makes it feel like you're actually next to me

i can see the way your mouth is moving
your hands lifting higher, higher, higher
as you get more animated
i can see your floppy, straw-colored hair -
your long fingers brushing it out of your eyes

you're talking about politics right now
and i'm really not a huge fan of politics at all -
it bores me quite a bit,
but i wouldn't mind listening to you talk
for the rest of the night.
naxiai Apr 2019
we were sitting in my car
eating food that we shouldn’t have been eating
a comfortable silence existing between us
a single overhead light illuminating us

you looked over at me, gave a quiet smile
“you’ve got something on your face”
i shrugged and replied, “i know, i’m enjoying my food”

a delicate hand appeared, using a napkin to wipe the corner of my mouth
i chewed my food slowly, eyes blinking to the left in careful curiosity

“thanks” i replied, my stomach doing something other than digestion  
you took another bite
then looked over at me again

“can i kiss you?”
my eyes blinked to the left again
my cheeks turned a shy shade of pink
**** it, **** it, **** it

i turned towards you,
eager, smiling, wanting
“yes”

and you gave me the sweetest kiss -
there, in the silence of my car
out of nowhere, unprompted -
our food left, abandoned -
my stomach, feeling true butterflies for the first time -
an honest smile, never leaving my face.
a true story.
naxiai Apr 2019
“you are likely wounded by your understanding of love”

wounded like a kicked puppy
licking your wounds -
sharp claws on a marble floor
wet nose smelling someone that’s no longer there
licking your wounds -
the floor is slippery
with blood
with your messy understanding of love
licking your wounds -
no one loves a hurt animal

there are two types of creatures in the world
those that inflict the hurt -
and those that lick their wounds
naxiai Mar 2019
you're sleeping as i write this
dreaming gentle things
your bottom lip, pouting
the last thing i want to do is wake you -
and mess all of this up

i haven't told you that i love you
i'm sure that's what i feel, but the words
themselves
feel
meaningless

i love how you look when you're sleeping
i love your bed head -
straw-colored hair having a mind of its own
i love the gentle rise of your chest -
tempting me to come over and listen to your heart's voice
i love your big dumb feet sticking out from underneath the blanket -
probably deathly cold but still belonging to you

i love this boy in my bed
dreaming gentle things -
being a gentle thing himself
we've been dating for seven months. i love having you in my life.
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