we are all our own allegories until the day we reach the glory we deserve.

I remember the innocence of my childhood
happiness.

It was before bracelets were used
for more than just fashion…
before they were used to hide jagged cuts

The days when I only cried for my
scraped skin.

Now I cry for heartbreak and the loss
of more than just happiness.

The days where pills were only taken
to make “the hurt go away”.

Now they’re taken to make me go away.

The days where Root Beer was the only
“alcohol” I drank.

Now I drink shots of hopelessness
in small glasses of heartbreak

The days where the only kisses I asked for
were before I drifted off to sleep.

Now I beg for kisses in midnight hours
where the only love I receive is the kind
where the sheets are terrorized.

The days where candied cigarettes were my
way of being an adult.

Now cigarettes are the way of keeping
me sane.

“Look, mommy, look. I’ve grew
an inch!”

Now I’m growing without you.

Gone are the days where I felt your kisses
planted upon wet cheeks,
The days where I beg for your love, mommy.

I beg for love in the form of moaning,
bed springs creaking;
where sweat caked into my pores.

The days where my life meant something to
someone.

If I died now, who would cry for me?

The days where happiness grew on trees,
and you showed me how to grasp them with
dirt-covered palms.

Look, mommy. I’ve grew an inch.

An inch closer to the bullet
awaiting in it’s home.

-DDF

I remember that one time I volunteered to hand out snacks at my little brother's 3rd grade end-of-the-year-party.
A father tells his son to say "please" when he asks for a cupcake. I give the boy two, because at his age cupcakes must mean to him what you meant to me.
"Do you see where 'please' will get you?" the father asks, and I want to blurt out, "That's not always true." I want to say, "You can tell someone 'please' and it won't be the magic word, because some people don't believe in magic."
Instead, I nod and smile, but I remember how I asked you to please feel for me what I felt for you, and please don't go, and please don't tell me you have someone else, and please tell me this is some sort of sick joke. I feel my throat close up and I ask if I can please excuse myself, because I need a moment.
I step into the hall and run to the bathroom. I sit in a stall sobbing for 10 minutes. When I realize how ridiculous I must look for crying over a boy who never deserved me, I pledge to never shed a tear over you again. And I kept that promise.

you were an *******
and I was so tired of being **** on.