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R Nov 2015
I'm building a program to your heart
in hopes that I'll get you to restart
the feelings you once had for me
because I surely miss you, dontcha see?

I'm building a program to your heart
because maybe you'll see that from the start
you and I were incredibly close
and that I care about you the most.

I'm building a program to your heart
because I fell for a work of art
The canvas that is you is full and bright
Painted with love, just like the Starry Night.

I'm building a program to your heart
And ****, you'd think I was smart.
But I'm just a girl with a missing component
who misses someone whom she thought owned it.
Inspired by my increased need to learn how to code and program. I've been working on programming my computer to run Linux alongside my current Operating System and I'm super excited.
R Apr 2015
I could go tonight, I still have the ticket and I still have a reason to go. But why would I do that to myself? Would it do anything to me? When you are around, I don't feel anything. Not anger, nor jealousy. Just there. I feel almost completely separated from you, which is wonderful. But at the same time, you still slightly tug on my heart. Ray, you care about her. She'll always be your first love. Yes, I'll always care about her and she'll always be my first love. Maybe I'll always love her. But not in the same way, never in the same way. We've both changed, whether it be for the good or the bad, I cannot tell. But I do not love her, but I do care and I hope she stays safe tonight.
Stay safe and have fun.

I cannot wait for Hozier today oh my gosh
R Apr 2013
This won't change anything,
Promise?
R Apr 2013
You asked me earlier
How I was
I replied I wasn't
"Okay."
That I wasn't
"Fine"
That I felt like complete
"****."
You laughed a bit
Replied with a
"Why?"
I told you everything
Except for the real reason.

I'm slowly falling
Out of love
With the man
In
    Front
              Of
                   Me.

You made me smile
Behind my tears
And I felt like the
Luckiest girl
When you told me
You were
Proud.
PSA
R Oct 2015
PSA
To all of my friends who know me
The only way to contact me is through HP
Don't even bother with my phone
R Jan 2016
My God tells me that I am worthy.
Therefore, I am.
I am loved and I am worthy.
As are all of you.

Just something that crossed my mind while in church this morning.
Have a lovely day :)
R Apr 2013
I'm sorry
I can't be
By your side

I want to help,
No, really,
I do.

It's just hard,
Because I miss
You.
R Jun 2015
im so convinced that
your lips were never meant to
be graced with mine
and yet here i am again
sitting on your lap and
letting you
kiss
my neck and
grab parts of me that
don't belong to
you.

i guess the thing is...
they don't belong to me
either.
all this leftover love, baby, i promise i'm enough,
for tonight
R Jun 2015
how much blood will seep from my skin
until you can figure it out with your
tiny mind that i am not yours to
use and i am not even my own
anymore and i am dead,
i am dead,
i am dead.

how many times will i kiss your
scars until i realize I'm the one who
put them there and what will it
take for me to feel something other than
the numbness i feel right
now?

how many more days and nights will i
have to endure this pain until
i just end it for myself
already?
you mean nothing to me
(i like to lie, i guess)
R Jun 2015
i want you,
oh dear,
i need you.
but,
there's something
i must do and
it doesn't include



you.
goodbye
R Oct 2014
Please, just push me over the end so I don't have to do it myself.
Prompt
R May 2013
I've been feeling good.
Like happy and joyful and good.
But once in awhile, death comes over and
Invites itself in
Like an old friend would.

It opens the door,
Doesn't even have the
Decency to
Wipe off it's shoes at the door and
Laughs a scary and
Mechanical laugh.
It starts saying how its missed me and
I almost start to believe it.
But, to be honest with all of you,
If you look close enough,
You can see how it lies through it's
Venomous teeth.
Through it's
Torturous words.
How it tries to
Pull you in so
You can never get out.
But,
I'm smart enough to see those lies and
I'm sure as hell very competitive.
Death won't win today,
Tomorrow,
*Or ever.
R Oct 2013
the feeling of finally
knowing what it's like
to feel euphoric is
better than really
loving
you.
R Mar 2014
He said to "Play the Game"
but what happens when
two hearts collide?
When two players know
the rules and that it's not
just about falling in
love anymore?

This game of Love
would seem to be
so easy: just something
everyone could do.

He said to "Light another cigarette and
let everything go."
If everyone would play and
just let the whole world go,
wouldn't things be easier?

Love is pumping through me.
Everywhere inside of me,
in the cracks and lines
and veins and the sweet smile
I keep planted on my face.

"Don't play hard to get, it's a free world.
All you have to do is fall in love."
Oh Queen, isn't it harder
than that though?
Play the Game//Queen
go have a listen
R Mar 2014
the thought of a fallout
is something I often wear.
should I just forget it
and pretend it was never there?
I'd love to stay,
but my nature is to flee.
do you really love me,
as I believe I do to thee?
be honest when words are spoken,
and with eyes that gleam of gold.
lies are often said by the
ones you wish never told.
if I could count the days
that I dreamed I'd spend with you at night.
it'd take my lifetime and tenfold
to show you that you are my light.
and if these nightmares of fallout,
are what Queen Mab gives to thee.
I guess it's what I'll get ready for
instead of the hopeless dreams often thought by me.
I need help with some thoughts and I'd love to chat with someone who has more experience than I do.
R May 2015
Do you consider pride a fort or a virtue?
From P&P;
And I'm actually wondering, comment or message, if possible :)
R Apr 2013
My biggest questions are:
What makes him so special?
Why is he so much more
Important,
Than me?
Would seeing his smile,
Be more satisfying than
Mine?

I don't even
Have a sliver of hope,
A chance,
A shot,
To be on the "list"

I'd say it's okay.
I'm okay with it,
I guess.
But I don't know,
I'm still having trouble believing that
You'd pick my abusive
Stepbrother
Over me.
R Sep 2014
Demi Lovato
And 2 fingers inside
Wanted to scream
"oooohhh babyyyy"
Late for school
Smell like *** and
Coconuts
Our 7 month anniversary
Is definitely one to remember.
Wahhhhh I wanna hold your hand
R Nov 2015
“She couldn’t get any farther away inside from her skin. She couldn’t get away."
― Cynthia Voigt, When She Hollers
Skin me, burn me, **** me, and I wouldnt care
R Mar 2016
“He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others–the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else.”
---Jonathan Safran Foer, "Everything Is Illuminated"
R Mar 2015
"When you keep hurting someone, you do one of three things. Either you fill them up with hate, and they destroy everything around them. Or you fill them up with sadness, and they destroy themselves. Or you fill them up with justice, and they try to destroy everything that's bad and cruel in this world."
ill just leave this here as i sip my tea and become filled with justice :))
R May 2015
"Almost seven thousand languages, and not one of them holds words adequate to describe the joy I felt when you stepped into my life, nor the loss I suffered when you decided to step out."
found this gem on tumblr by @princeofthepacific
this very much accurately describes how i feel and I'm really glad someone was able to put it into words...
R May 2013
Not sure if I'm
Depressed or not but
I am certain that I'm
Not happy.
R Dec 2015
i heard you died last night.
it was an overdose they said.
maybe crack?
maybe ******?
who knows...
you used so much.
you'll never know him.
she was upset,
but then she was slightly happy.
but now she's just worried.
he'll never know you.
he might blame them for
never meeting you.
maybe he won't even care.
but you ****** it all up.
too ******* self-absorbed in yourself
and your need for speed.
so honestly,
here are my condolences.
but all in all,
i'm glad that you never had
the chance to be a father.
you didn't deserve it
anyways.
this is probably horrible but he ruined it for himself
being a father/a mother is an honor, and he threw it all away...for what?
R Apr 2015
It's time to say goodbye.
All I want is silence.
I think it is for the best,
and so do they.
Go on and live your life,
and I'll live mine too.
If the stars wish for us to meet again,
then we will.
But I will not keep playing this game anymore,
So this is goodbye.
I'll always care
R Mar 2015
The Angels cry at the lost of their beloved.
For a dying heart does not mean
That they will enter Heaven soon.
It just means that there is now less
Life in the world.
God helped me forgive you last night. I forgive very easily, but I guess it's just because I realized you can't help not being in love with me. I just wish you would've had enough in you to try.
R Apr 2013
I wish the same for
You too.
R Sep 2014
My chest is caving in
And my arteries are clogged with
McDonalds filth.
And honestly,
Nothing makes sense
Anymore.
I have a lot on my mind,
And blood on my hands.
I'm not even sure
What I'm fighting for.
Girls want guys and
Guys want girls and
All I want to do is to
Stop wanting to hurl my
Homework at the wall in
Hopes of not being so
Stressed every single day of my life.

If Education nowadays didn't equal death then
Maybe I'd be more pro-school and less
Pro-meds.
Ugh help
Ray
R Apr 2015
Ray
I'm sure most of you have noticed that my name is Ray on here now, and I would really appreciate it if those who know me in real life to start using Ray as often as possible. It would make me quite happy :) thank you!
R May 2015
And just like how you got that feeling at the concert, I got that same exact feeling in February. I thought it was because we were connected, and we could just feel each other's emotions. I thought it was because we were special, because we were soulmates. I've realized that we do not live in a fairytale and that all it was just our intuition, yelling at us, no... begging us to listen. Get out! Get out as fast as you can! But... We did not listen. We were too blinded, no... masked with our love. Can I even call it that anymore?
It's been screaming at me a lot lately, Its probably time to start listening.
R Apr 2015
"Why do you have a dead rose on your window?"
It's funny, because out of the many things I have that are either yours or what you have given to me, I kept the rose and a painting you made me. Those are the only two things in my room that I will allow to remind me of a love that once was there, but is now dead, just like that rose. I couldn't say this out loud, but what I wanted to say was that I have this dead rose on my window to remind me that even the most beautiful of things wither and die, and that love is *no
exception. It's okay to remind yourself of such beautiful things, but living in a fantasy world does not help to heal, it only makes you delusional. I now know why it's always been so hard for me to live in the reality I belong to, and I think it's time to face it.
maybe one day I'll be able to let the rose go.
(no, I didn't get rid of the other things. I just put them away.)
R Mar 2015
I've realized that maybe you fell out of love with me because I wasn't in love with myself anymore. I doubted the love you had for me, so it made me doubt the love for myself. It wasn't just you, it was me too.
I'm sorry I could only see your faults, I was at fault as well.
R Dec 2015
But even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take your words and all your lies
*I really don't care
Really Don't Care//Demi Lovato
this seems to suit my "**** it, i'm gonna be happy" attitude of late
R Apr 2013
Someone
Please
Save
Me

I'm
In
Need
Of
Redemption

I
Need
A
Savior

Someone
To
­Pull
Me
Out
Of
My
Thoughts.
R Apr 2015
and I love his enthusiasm. I never appreciated him until now.
The Eucharist IS Jesus. So glad that he keeps reminding us.
R Apr 2015
I know he was attractive
But I was here first
Been riding with you for one year
Why did I deserve
To be treated this way by you, you?

I know you're probably thinking
What's up with me?
I've been crying for too long
What did you do to me?

I used to be so strong
But now you took my soul
I'm crying, can't stop crying
Can't stop crying

You could've told me you weren't happy
I know you didn't want to hurt me
Look what you've done to me now
I gotta look at him in his eyes
And see he's had half of me
How could you lie?
Always was one of my favorite songs, I tweaked it a bit to fit my needs.
R May 2013
I don't need medicine to be okay.
I said.
*right?
R Jun 2015
you put me on a stake and you left me aflame.
i turned to ash, but now i'm rising again.
I'm done burning
R Oct 2015
i'll risk whatever i have left if it means i can say what i've been wanting to say to you for so long
i'm willing to put it all on the line
what else do i have to lose anyways?
R Apr 2015
"THERE'S A RAGING FIRE AND IT BURNS SO NEAR, BUT IM READY NOW. IM READY NOW."
Ritual//Ellie Goulding
R Jun 2014
You wouldn't know what
I was doing after you stopped
texting me that morning
of your surgery.
As soon as you said goodbye
I threw my phone to the wall
and sobbed into my pillow.
I had to stop myself from screaming
out your name, so I just mustered up
stifling sobs and muffled "I love you's"
and "please don't leave me baby".

I could feel stabbing pains make its way
up my body as they put the rods and
screws inside of your spine.
Eleven times my heart combusted
throughout the day and the thought
of you without me almost
killed me.

I wonder what you thought of
under the anesthesia.
Was it me?
Your friends?
The Beatles or Led Zeppelin?
Or maybe it was nothing.

I know that all I could think about
was the worst things possible
and how I wished I could have just
kept you safe in my arms because
thats the safest place you could've been
in that day and time (or any day
and time for that matter)
.

But, now that your spine is
un-curved and you are okay,
I thought something was
going to change between us.
I was afraid that maybe the thing that
caused you to fall in love with me
was taken out somehow
and rearranged so that
your spine didn't curve towards
me anymore.

I was afraid that you wouldn't have loved me anymore.

But, now I see that I was foolish for being so afraid.
You are better than ever and you are still mine!
And I just love you so much,
you know that, dear?

*I'm just glad you're safe and feeling well, baby.
I know its long, but I'm in love and i was afraid and this is for my baby girl, L, who is the strongest person Ive ever known and I'm just so glad to love her as much as I do. <3 I love you so much.
R Nov 2015
I’m in a life without a home, so this recognitions not enough.
Rolling Stone//The Weeknd
"I’ll be different
I think I’ll be different
I hope I’m not different"
R Feb 2014
you are like Balthasar
getting into business
that isn't yours
and running around without
asking permission.
taking information
into your own hands.
civil blood makes civil hands
unclean
and i know that you think
that it was right.
it would seem that
your mind is distorted
and you do not know
left from right.

stop being Balthasar.
everyone loathes him,
and if Romeo would not have
been blinded by his feelings
I'm sure he would see as
i do now.
just something i thought of earlier while watching Romeo and Juliet. has no meaning, i just really hated Balthasar lol.
R Jul 2015
"you're seeing what you want to see"
"no, i'm seeing what's in front of me"
im not playing games anymore, luv
R Oct 2014
she tastes of roses and sweet nectar
and I can't get her scent off of me.
her sweat is sweet beads rolling down her
majestic body and I simply cannot
stop needing the music that
pours from her soul
throughout the night
when we are together.
Another prompt. L<3
R Jun 2015
you say you know love, but you are just reflecting words you hear.
rules//jayme dee
sleepy time mixtape
R Jul 2013
she said thats she's surprised I haven't
run away yet.

but the real question is:
where would I go?

I have no one,
I can't even have my bestfriend.

I should just go far, far away.

Anybody feel like helping?
R Sep 2015
I wake up to find you
still on the phone at 6am.
You turn over, yawn, and your
sleepy steel colored eyes flutter open to
find a girl who is fond of you smiling your way.
You stretch and say, "Goodmorning, how'd you sleep?"
Of course I slept well...I always do.
But whenever you and I are on the phone,
I always wake up between 3-4 without fail.
I'll wake up, turn over, and make sure you're okay.
I'm not sure why I do it, but I know that I care for you and
that I want to make sure that you're happy and safe.
The sage light that shines through my window reminds me of
how kind you are...how gentle you are.
It touches everything, but it is not harsh...
It is light and incredible, just like you.
"how do you see so much of me?"
R Sep 2013
pretty pink lips,
eyes so big.
swims in the sea like
a fish.
but which one?

you are free,
with silly stories and
hipbones that soar,
ill never know the mystery of
you.
R Mar 2015
"Y'all are such a great team!"

Yeah and that's why we couldn't save our relationship.
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