In public, you're afraid
and sometimes I am too.
But, having you by my side
makes me feel fearless,
what about you?
You might sneak a kiss,
but I'll try to hold your hand.
You'll pull back, was that
a terrible demand?
I hate hiding, its all I ever do.
I just want to show the world
just how much I love you.
Isn't that enough,
why can't they see?
That I am in love
why can't we just be?
She makes me feel the Sun
and light in my heart.
And all of this is because
she loved me from the start.
I love her, and I know that
will not ever go away.
Because we need each other,
I am here to stay.

nobody could see me
trying to **** myself.
but i could.
every night i saw it.
i saw the various ways to
slit my throat, my wrist,
to tie a knot, maybe with a bow?
and kick my moms nice chair away?
maybe by drowning,
or jumping from a tall building?
so many ways... so many.
i still see those ways.
i still want to cut.
actually, ive craved the blade
for a few weeks now.
and yet, i havent made a single mark
up and down my arm.

whats stopping me?
i'll be honest: when i go back to school
i want to be able to show my teacher that
it'll be a whole month since ive cut.
thats a long time (for me) and i
really want to keep going.

i can save myself.
i know i can...
right?

I saw you today and that
Smiled seemed to
Change everything.

I wish I knew your name though.

I've been told that they
Don't show much.
Why does that make me
Want them to then?
To make new ones,
To show that I've been through things.
It feels like I'm
Asking for attention when I
Pull down my sleeves
But then it doesn't as I'm
Slicing my skin open.

What am I doing to myself?

Autumn
Was the time I fell.

Winter
Was the time I knew.

Spring
Was when I tried to understand.

Summer
If I meant anything to you.

i touchdown into the
warm water and breath in
the vanilla scented air.
it looms over me and for
once i feel serenity.
the cuts burn though
as i try to undo what
has already been done and
the serenity is now gone
and so is the
vanilla scented air.
it went away as did my
confidence and the best idea
came to me as i
finished bathing
but i can't tell,
its a secret.

Every day is
The same--
Cold, dry
and empty
inside.

I live to breathe the
Exhaust that pours outta you.

and if for two seconds you would just stop thinking about yourself, then maybe you'd see exactly how much pain you're causing.

I'm very much in love with my myself.

i hope you care about
me as much as
you say you
do.

and it's about that time,
when kisses become not enough
and touching becomes a need
that burns all the way up your throat
and your fingertips yearn to know
the feeling of someone other than yourself.

He kept trying to tiptoe around the word
but I just wouldn't let him.
"It's ***, you can say it. I know what *** is."
He laughed, looked me deeply in the eyes and
he said, "Fine, ***."
I smirked at him and he coyly did the same.
When she came back into the room and asked,
"gosh, I can't leave yall alone in a room for more than 5 minutes, huh?"
I looked over at him as he blushed a deep scarlet,
and I looked down as I smiled at the ground.
One second I am bold,
and the next I cannot help but to be so shy.
What is going on?

i know its probably the weirdest thing
you've ever heard of in your life, but
this man so smart and so attractive,
it hurts. he knows about Star Trek and
hes a bibliophile and he drink green tea
for ******* fun. thats ******* amazing.
he served in the Coast Guard for 20+
years and he has nine children.
he has double major in Physics and
Education. i just really want to kiss him
so hard and feel his ****** hair just rubbing
on my cheek and with his really nice hands
all up in my hair and maybe i better stop
because im in school and this ******
frustration is killing me. ******.

If you genuinely believe sexuality is a choice, then you're not actually straight, you just haven't met anyone persuasive enough yet.

You said you wanna be good but you're begging me to come over.

she is something more than necessary
a limb? a lung? an extra ounce of blood
pumping through every part of me
aching and wanting more and more
of something that i ever so need.
her touch is enough to ignite a flame
and her kiss is enough to make what
was little left of me bloom.
she lifts up my spirit and
makes me fly higher than anything
in the known universe.
everything about her is beautiful
her fingertips and the way she walks
and her delicacy and the way she
wants me as well.

she is beauty and even
her touch is enough
to ignite my soul
again.

She cuts for the
times she can't ever
replace.
She cuts for the
love he'll never
return.
She cuts to know
what it's like to be
alive.
She cuts in places
where nobody will
know.

And just like Sherlock, you solved the case that is me, and you became bored, so you moved onto a new one, a better one.

a few days ago
someone decided to go and repost an old poem about you
and it had been a long time since I had even thought of that day
but, I guess since I've been thinking about it,
I may as well write about it.

I had reserved the night for us, and sadly my sister tagged along.
It was still so wonderful though, it truly was.
You drank your first tea that night, i had been your first for many things.
And we wanted to figure out the mystery, to discover the clues.
But it was so hard to think of anything other than you.
Your hair was incredibly straight, flowing beautifully past your angelic shoulders.
Your eyes were covered with a black shimmering powder, and you looked so enticing.
You laughed so beautifully, everything you did was beautiful.
You wore a black skirt, a black camisole, and a see through shirt with lace. Yes, i still remember.
I don't really know how I remember, but I guess memories start to come back when you least expect them to.
Your smile that night was stunning, as per usual.
And you made me realize that night just how beautiful I truly was.
I remember making love to you that night, it was sweet and quick and we were exhausted. It was full of sloppy kisses and masked moans and pants. We laughed a bit, because we really weren't in the mood. But the cuddling we did afterwards, now that is something I'll truly never forget. I loved the way my hand always seemed to fit perfectly in the space between your hip and stomach, like we were missing puzzle pieces.
and I remember realizing that I was falling for you all over again that night. But with falling, comes crashing. And I truly made that painfully clear in the few weeks to follow.
"Your lips touched the cup gracefully, just like they when they kiss my lips. And my heart grew immensely when I realized I was falling in love with you all over again."
I miss those lips of yours sometimes. They always knew when I was in need of you. Do they still know? Can they still tell? Probably not.
44 weeks ago, we went on this date. And 41 weeks ago, I did something so awful that I still have a hard time conjuring up the words to describe it. I am truly sorry for what I did, please understand.
"I applaud you, darling, for making everything I do and live for seem so important... And for loving me while I fall in love with you
over and over again."
I guess it's easy to forget when you have someone new, right?
I never thought you'd be the first to break my heart, though.

dont tell anyone
but i broke my promise
its been a few weeks now
but i remember that sunday night
i gave in to the voices.
the voices weren't even in my head anymore
nor were they my own.
sadly, they were my parents and my sisters
telling me that i am not gay and that
maybe if i get a nice boyfriend then
i could be normal.
i cut deeper then ever before,
relapse at its finest.
and i couldn't even help but
smile as blood trickled down my arm.
i am sorry, i really am. i went almost three whole months.
and then i lost it, i needed the blood,
i needed the feeling, i needed the pain.

i'll try harder... but i dont think i can keep anymore promises.

I'm sorry I
Talked ****.

I didn't mean to
Get hurt like this.

/////////////

Halfway up my arm,
They show that I
Shouldn't be left alone with my
Mind.

i remember when i first tried to
tell him about what happened
to me.
i remember going up to him,
like any normal day,
and saying "hi."
he smiled,
asked whats up and
instead of being all cute
like i usually am,
my smile faded and i
couldn't speak.
he knew something was wrong and
he asked, "is it boy problems?"
i laughed a bit,
told him "kind of" and
then i backed away and
said "maybe next time."

i should've told you then.
maybe this hell i'm living in
wouldn't have been so hot with
you here to
cool me
off.

I was at their wedding
I watched as they
Vowed
To stay together
Forever.
I started crying
I just felt so alone.
They started dancing,
Laughing, loving
And everything seemed dull to me
Nothing seemed good or fine or right.
I just felt grey and alone and
Wrong.
I didn't feel like I belonged and
I knew I didn't.

I should've jumped off that pier.

I hate having to
Sneak those glances.
  But I guess I'll have to
Live like this forever.

Sneaky glances and
     Unspoken feelings.

                                      Oh and            Just so you know,
                            You look really
                      handsome
                 From a
       Sideways view, dear.

I hate having to
Sneak those glances.
  But I guess I'll have to
Live like this forever.

Sneaky glances and
     Unspoken feelings.

                                      Oh and            Just so you know,
                            You look really
                      handsome
                 From a
       Sideways view, dear.

I hate looking at you
And
Knowing you're not *mine.

you and I,
we sin,
and we love,
yet we die in
all of this
lonlieness.

should have
tilted my head  
                             up
                            
                             ^^

My doctor said I
Can't work out this week.
Not that I did
Last week or
The week before that but
I don't know,
I kind of wanted to
Start a trend for
Myself.
Maybe eat a bit less (or not at all)
And
I don't know,
Be skinner (or just 60 pounds less).

What would I be then?
85 pounds?

For some reason
That doesn't sound skinny
Enough.

I'll be fine,
I promise.

You're defensive.
And I get it.
The way I
Look into your eyes is
Not the same as I
Look into his.
The way he
Kisses my cheek and says,
"Hello!"
Is different from the time you
Cried and
I kissed you on the
Top of your head.

It's not the same.
For him it's lust. But
For you,
Well,
To be honest,
I am in love with you.

But I'm trying so hard not to be.

Hey Skylar,
I
  See
        You.
All of you.
Every. Single. Part
Of you.
You.
You.
You.
Look at you!
You're beautiful!
You're my muse,
Darling.
And I love every atom of you.

I'll do you a favor and
Pretend I never felt
Anything for you.

I can't seem to find the words for
When I look into your eyes.
The perfect blue and
Gray blends together,
To form something
Beautiful.

I see your wrists
And I smile.
You've been through so
Much.
I'm glad to have helped if
I have.
Even though seeing you
Sad
Makes me unhappy,
I know that in some way
You've become stronger.
I can see it in the way your
Cuts have healed,
And In the way you
Talk,
Smile,
Laugh,
Cry.

Everything you do shows you've become
Stronger
Than yesterday.

If I kissed your scars,
Would you turn away?
I want to show you how much I
Care for you,
Even if it's just as a friend.

I love you so much,
And I mean it dear.
I can't be with you but,
Our furture as friends will be eternal.

Somewhere in the drug induced haze
I wondered what it is like to feel the
touch of a blade again
and how many times I'd
have to scream "Help Me!"
before I realized nobody was
there to save me from
myself.

If all what I just posted
Are not actual poems
Then what are most of the
Words on here considered then?

he left me,
or maybe did
i leave
him?

Yesterday it would seem that
the Sun was in our favor.
As we were touching and
realizing that Love is felt in
many more ways than one,
Solar Flares erupted from the Sun
and left me wanting more.
You were arching and I
was panting, Everything inside
of me ached for everything you
would share with me.

Good God, The Sun was in
our favor and I am very
grateful for it.

I hate eating
I honestly cannot stop eating
Bread? More like carbs
More like heaven
Ice cream? FATFATFAT
I look fine, I'm not fat
I am also not on Varsity.
I could lose about 20-30 pounds...
Maybe I should just stop eating again
That is very unhealthy..
Fat girls don't get anywhere in life.
I have gone so far though...
Yeah, as far as the store to buy more sweets.
Shut up
I should just go cut, huh?
It would dishonor him.
I have been drowning for so long, I need to let the blood out.
Fine, go ahead.
Maybe even nick a vein on the way down...