I'm in love with 60% of water, 206 bones, and everything in between.
Hear me out when I say I have what you need.

If the search for God
is a fantasy,
I would rather settle
for a fantasy...

I didn't have anything nice to say,
But my lips kept moving anyway.

I am not a violent person,
But I will verbally punch you in the throat.

To lose what I've gained would be such a wonderful thing.

Your voice isn't like a song
Or a prayer.
It's more like a secret.
I am selfish and don't want to share it.
I wan't to catch it in a jar with fresh air and the scent of pine trees
A bottle to mix it with carbonated bubbles
An envelope filled with letters never written.
I want you shrunken down and curled up in the curved shell of my ear.
Whisper, scream, sing, laugh, mutter.
I have a seven-track mind and I'd like you to narrate them all for me.
Read me your homework, your favourite book, your shopping lists, the ingredients of your shampoo.
The breaths and lilts and stutters
Keep it raw and new and open
And I'm honoured.
Share the secret with me.

Being stupidly tired but being scared stupid to fall asleep.
Its so much more than falling.
Its tripping on the drugs that my sobriety has taken away from me.
Watching too many scary movies that give me the edge I think I need.

When I know the edge of the bed is more than enough for me.
My mattress is lost at sea and I'm the dammed captain.

Just let me ******* sleep.

When I went mental my mom called for reinforcement, her brother.
I called uncle but it didn't stop him.

I understand he wanted to help,
I understand he felt connected because both of our father's abandoned ship.

Just because you have four golden children doesn't mean you get to pick me to be your black sheep.
I won't let you fix me.
I'm not on board to sail the 7 seas with you and your perfect family.
You see, I am a ship wreck.

I'm good at not asking for help,

And my mattress is starting to sink.