To the Father of my fathers father.

 Oh Father of my father,
I have wandered far too far, further into a blight.
Amid the night,
amidst the mist of the midnight-lantern,
I roam,
like a phantom.

     Oh Father of my fathers fathers, darkness has dawned on me.
     In a world where desire victimizes us all, my lust for love has left me
     lost in a lie with a life that questions the true essence of time.

     Oh Father !
     at what cost do my sins separate from solitude ?
 
  I ask not of your affection, I just simply wish to inform that i shall no longer continue my endeavors.
for i am preyed like pirates lost at sea, longing for a lostful gain...
to and fro and back again, to the track where black is but night and day,
Yet the sun has kept its wholesome shine, but still the sons have lost their way.
No wonder some of them lose their eyes, yet questioning but the tide.
Pirates, I pity you.

Goodbye, goodbye all of the noise.

i shall simply drift towards the mist till i meet an end to the earth,
and fall to my destined doom.

Have you forgotten so easily? We are you. We are the madness that lurks within you all, begging to be free at every moment in your deepest animal mind. We are what you hide from in your beds every night. We are what you sedate into silence and paralysis when you go to the nocturnal haven where we cannot tread.

I feel like I don't belong here.
I can't place it--
Maybe too pure,
Maybe too evil,
Maybe too ill.
Its hard to say
When every word flung
Wildly around is a
Contradiction.
Too sensitive,
Too changeable.
The balance causes so
Much cognitive dissonance,
And the more I approach my heart,
The more it alludes me on the horizon.
Colorless,
These words ignite a
Flame
Stronger than any pigment.
I am worthless.
I am a treasure.
I am worthy.
I am pitiful.
I am beautiful.
I am a fool.
I am genius.
I am every word they say to me,
Yet I feel like
I am none.
Their icy words spoken with
Frozen hearts
Set my teeth chattering.

Nothing can protect me from this
Impeding cold.
The energy is inexhaustible.
Their ranks are numberless.
The fight goes on,
Teaching me the person I am
Is ought not to be.
Destroy the anguish
Mistaken as beauty.
They take my heart from me--
Brutally beating the bruises,
Formulaically tearing the
Gashes open with silver knives,
A gray harder than the
Silver of the moon--
Harder than the silver of my heart.
I am bruised,
Broken,
Wanting to be gone.
And they laugh at my pain.
They don't believe me when I say
I have nothing to live for.
All I need to do is to
Live up to the low bar they set,
But that's never good enough.
The words bleed out of me,
Yet they remain unsaid.
They would taunt more
If they knew their wickedness.
Sleep saves me from this endless cycle of
Torture.
Engulfed by
Vivid of imaginations of who I am,
I forget for a time
What they told me.
Meet me in this innocent state of existence,
Escaped from the pain.
I wish I knew how to
Avoid their toxic remedies
And the poisonous reminders
That they own me,
And will decide who I am.

But poets tend to exaggerate:
Tell me how it really is.

Who is person that they call beauty?

Why does beauty exist?

Does beauty know that it had hurt so many people?

Does beauty do this on purpose?

Is beauty a curse?

I think beauty is a curse and should be punished.

We should **** beauty.

Just like it killed countless souls.

Beauty is sneaky.

Beauty deceives.

Beauty should only exist behind ugly.

But too bad society thought ugly was a curse and destroyed it.

Ugly is the true beauty.

And that makes ugly a curse.

This means nothing should exist.

He is lying down in his bed. His mind is overloaded with worries. Worries about life. Worries about death. Worries about who he is. Worries about what he is. Worries about why he is. All his friends call him crazy because he doesn't like money. They say evil spirits have taken over his body. They call him lunatic. They make him feel unique. But they don't know. They don't understand. They don't understand that they live in different worlds. They are so blind folded by the illusions of life that they do not know where they are. He doesn't blame them. He blames God. He knows God can open all these people's eyes but He choses not to. He doesn't understand the ways of God but he respects them because he has faith in
God. He still persists to be who he is despite what all his friends say. They had taken him to countless psychiatrists. They said he had Diogenes syndrome.  But he knows that no such syndrome exists. It was just another word for different. But they wouldn't understand that. They never understand anything. He was alone in his world. No one other than him and his ghosts lived there.  His mind was never empty. He was always occupied. He didn't know anything else. His skill was thinking. Too bad that skill wasn't appreciated where he was. And just like that he killed himself. Doing what he does best. Thinking. He thought himself to his own death. And now he understood everything. Who he was. What he was. Why he was. He got it all. Everything is so clear to him now. He no longer has to think. He is finally at peace.

I ask why, you wave goodbye
I say hello, you say no
I wonder how weve come to this, you go on like theres nothing you'd ever miss
I cry myself to sleep at night, while your crushing my heart squeezing tight
I feel the ripping of my chest being opened, while you tug and pull on the ropes end
I am dead...ill...still you go on as if there never was or will

I feel gone--
Dead by some accounts.
Lonely and abandoned I fall
Exhausted from the pain.

Pangs of emptiness
Flow through my veins.
I am diseased with
Hopelessness.

Stricken,
There is now way out.
Abandoned,
There is no way to get there.

Shade the gray light from me,
Gather my pieces.
I am fragile,
Merely breakable.
I don't want to go.

I am gone.
Hypnotized in a drunken world.
They tell me I'm sleepy,
They whisper other things.
I know what they do,
I don't trust what they say.
I trust you.
Are you the same way?

A schizophrenic feeling
Ravages my soul.
Do you exist?
Are you real?
Your smile makes me question.
I'm not worth even that.

Say a word again.
My name.
Not the name They know me by, but
Anything to make me seem real.
Tell me the wishes of my heart.

I don't want to leave,
But I'm only gone.
Destroyed by
Heartlessness.