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Grace Smith Dec 2015
My stomach is killing me and I don't know if it's because I haven't eaten in 4 days or if it's because I heard someone say your name. You're stuck in my chest and I try to get you out but the cigarettes make it harder to breathe and the ***** makes it harder to think of anything but you. I know you were never really mine and we were never in love but oh god we could've been. You're the face I look for everywhere I go, wether it's the gas station to get a pack of gum or a party I know you'd never go to. You're the voice I needed to hear when I got the call about my grandfather. You're the touch I lust for when it's 3 in the morning and I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders and I don't know what to do with it. You're the smile that could cure the deepest depression. But you're also a disease. You're the pain in my stomach when I'm trying to hang out with friends and you're all I think about. You're the tear stains on my pillow from the night you told me you loved her and I swear I cried every tear that God gave me. You're the void in my brain, the part that makes it impossible to fall for anyone else, to let go of you. You're the gravity that drags me down, brings me to the middle of the kitchen floor asking God why it had to be me. You're everything. You're everywhere. You're the disease and the cure. And I don't know what the **** to do with or without you.
  Jun 2015 Grace Smith
GaryFairy
when the love is gone
you grit your teeth
you curse the sky
you fall beneath

when the love is gone
you close your eyes
you tell yourself
no more goodbyes

when the love is gone
you're on your own
you look around
you're all alone
  Jun 2015 Grace Smith
heather leather
she's a bag full of twigs,
a bag full of bones and liquor
her stomach always caves in
and she walks with the weight of a gun
to her chest,
she drinks with a smile and smokes
while she thinks,
he doesn't know if there's anything
more perfect than her smooth porcelain skin
and they never thought she'd be the one
holding a gun six feet underground
but life can be hard and it's tough to just get by
and he never thought she'd leave him that
night but now she rests in the dark  
underneath the garden where they had their first kiss
he lives his life on blank canvases and dreams
of the girl who taught him how to breathe and not
a day goes by he doesn't think of her because
she's everywhere; she's that song on the radio, she's
the band on his walls, she's that picture in the hallway
she's his fear of the dark and he tries to paint her but he
can never get it right, because the girl that he loves he
never really knew and when he steps on the cracks in
the street he remembers her,
he always remembers her
remember me
because i'm a bag full of twigs,
a bag full of bones
filled with a smile of explosives
and a stomach that always caves in
i smile when i drink,
i smoke when i think
and every time i try to breathe it feels
like a gun to my chest and time is my trigger
most times it feels like i'm walking on a
rope above the water
and i can only last so long before i sink and fall

(h.l.)
i really like this actually, i'm glad how it came along
  Jun 2015 Grace Smith
Tom Leveille
ground zero
i become aware of boundaries
i am a dog chasing cars
i sing your voicemail to sleep
there are no surgeon general warnings
to tell me that
the objects in the mirror
are more depressed than they appear
so how do i tell you
that there are parts of my life
that move slower
without you in them?
or that i look for you every day
in emails & unanswered calls
in the sunrises
i didn't choose to be awake to watch
that i sometimes still stare at doorways hoping you would walk through them
   *stage 1
you tell your new lover you've got a splinter and they pull the sound of your body falling asleep on mine out of your fingertip
   stage 2 your new lover says something at dinner that makes you choke so they call 911 & the paramedics do the hymleich not knowing you would ***** our promises all over the the restaurant
   stage 3 your new lover surprises you by cleaning the house & washes the shirt you kept next to the bed, not knowing it was the last thing you had that smelled like me
after
people always ask
what was loving her like?
after a really long silence
i just say
"it must be nice"
but i never say
it's watching paint dry
i never say
it's a window seat in hell
i don't tell anyone
about the dreams
where i am reading you
bedtime stories
each one is a different way you die
& every time i can never save you
dreams where what i think
are angels in my bedroom
are just homeless versions
of myself you never loved
i have dreams
where i pay someone to shoot me
just to see if you would cry
just to see
if you would cradle my body
i don't tell people
that loving you is like
playing piano
for someone who can't hear
that it's hitting repeat
on my favorite song
& forgetting the words
every time it starts over
that it's finding out
there's no milk after you already
poured yourself a bowl of cereal
it's getting locked in the dark
& being told to
look on the bright side
that loving you is like
being reminded of what it felt like
the first time
you accidentally let go
of a balloon as a child
it's drowning without the water
it's the feeling you get
when you start to dance
& the song ends
Grace Smith Jun 2015
the only time he ever held my hand
was when he led me to
the bedroom that night
both high as a kite
my first love was my worst love
it was innocent and pure
but oh my god that first heartbreak
it was like a disease
and there was no cure
he touched me and my innocent soul
became unclean
god fourteen was so incredibly mean
Grace Smith Jun 2015
momma you just don't understand
i love him so much
it's more than i can stand
i can't be your little
angel
because i fell for a boy like the
devil
he ripped me apart
he ate my heart
now I spend my days sliding down
bathroom stalls crying
my nights doing unforgivable things and lying
i won't go on with this any longer
i'm sorry that im a **** daughter
Grace Smith Jun 2015
you tripped over love
and fell straight into lust,
i finally learned how to
trust
only to be left in the
******* dust
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