"I really wish I could love you."
"Don't cry. I'll be okay."

Her cold hands blanketed my cheeks, as warm tears repelled from finger to finger.

I looked at her, as her eyes changed from blue to green to blue again. "I don't want you to die, Reno."

"Dying can't **** me, Josh. I thought you knew better." Her eyes were green again, as her iris exploded into a wave of grey. She blinked and they were blue again, changing the room to an eggshell white. We sat on a naked mattress, in the middle of an empty room, my face resting on her soft shoulder. Only orange, dancing pill bottles kept us company. They'd tip their caps, like a hat, at the end of each song.

We swam in a teal sea, inside of four brick walls. Our mouths didn't move, but our voices travelled through air bubbles.

Doing an underwater backflip, the bubbles broke, "When did you first fall in love?"

Kicking off the floor, towards her, "I was twenty."

"How'd you know?"

"She gave me a cupcake and was trying to light the candle, but couldn't. She kept trying and trying. At that moment, I knew I loved her."

She swam towards me, her legs like ribbons waving at the surface.

"His name was Lee," she cooed as she started to drown, "I was seventeen and he open hand slapped me. I thought that was love. Then, eventually, he started to close his hand and then I knew that it wasn't. It didn't stop me from loving him with everything I had, though."

I reached for her as her legs were being pulled up to the surface. She opened her mouth, "You'll be okay. I promise."

My pillow was soaked by sweat as I sat up and rubbed my eyes. The other side of the bed was empty.  I turned my head to see the bathroom light peeking behind an indecisive door. Getting up, I walked around the foot of the bed and over the blanket dying on the floor. As I grew closer to the bathroom, the sound of retching clawed at my eardrums.

My hand pushed the door until the bronze **** kissed the wall. An alabaster body was on the floor. Reno's face appeared as she wiped her mouth. She flushed the toilet. I walked towards her, kneeled beside her, and hugged her as the sound of suction and spinning water drowned the air.

I whispered in her ear. She picked up head, out of my arms, and smiled, blue eyes and all.

I never wanted to wither
I never wanted to fade
I never wanted to lose my light
I never wanted to create a mess

So I decided not to bloom
I decided not to feel
I stayed in the dark
which complemented my light perfectly

I never meant to fly
I liked the solid concrete I was standing on
in the darkness, with no way to distinguish myself from my shadow
- I felt satisfied.

But you came around;
your light a lot brighter than me
you dazzled me by your brilliance
and showed me there was another way to be

Your words pulled me out-
one step at a time
your light kept me blinded enough
to keep me from seeing where i was going

Slowly and slowly
you took down all the walls
i had put up
to let my spark in

Together we burnt
bright enough to light our own little galaxy
somewhere along the line
i started losing myself in you

Like a star twinkling in noon
like a drop goes unnoticed when it falls in sea.
We talked about our future
you told me about the place you came from

And we planned how the walls of our home will be decorated w my poems, how you'll sing me to sleep
and make the wind jealous

But like every sweet dream that ends too soon
the bitter reality came crashing in
and the storm took away my light
you somehow managed to keep yours still aflame

Right after the storm had passed
you promised
your light will be enough
to keep us from drifting apart

But in the middle of our laughter
your mind would go to the place
you had come from
and it was then when i started losing you

The more i tried to hold on to you
the more burnt i got
i was so scared to lose you
that i realised one day i will

I could never be a part of your world
but i no longer wanted to alienate you from it
so i withdrew back to the darkness
i had always known

but this time with no spark to help me coexist w it
i felt myself getting swallowed
with my last breath
i wished you nothing but happiness

I never meant to witter
I never meant to fade
I never wanted to lose my light
but i admit i made a mess

**your love ****** me
more than You'll know
but no sweeter damnation
I could have ever got

If our love is a game,
I'm the loser
If our love is a sad song
I'm its lyrics
If our love is a movie
I'm the interval
If our love is a tango dance
I'm the third person
If our love is a clear sky
I'm the one drenched in raindrops
If our love is a novel
Im the character that could not make it to the happily ever after
If our love is a poem
Im the muse long forgotten
If our love is the moon
I'm the clouds obscuring its light
If our love is pure magic
I'm just an illusion of it
If our love is familiar faces and warm smiles
I'm the stranger whose goodbyes are diguised as cute smiles
If our love is the beginning of something new
Im the funeral toll
If our love is a welcome mat
Im the doorbell that never rings
**I can give you
My soul
My body
My mind
My all
But it will never be enough
Cause baby, our love is a sunflower
Im the colorless sunrise..
I'm just waiting for you to realise it
And turn your face away from me

This is for the first time
you opened your mouth after years of silence
and all you could say was
"Im sorry, please come back"

This is for the first time
you saw the wounds on his hand
and regretted how you let
the roses he sent
just to die and rot away

This is for the first time
you realised how much he loved you
and just because his love remained unwritten or unexplained
does not mean he loved you any less

This is for the first time
you realised how much you
burnt him
with your coldness
unintentional-yet brutal

This is for the first time
you realised
how he broke himself
to fix parts of you-
not a single complain escaping his mouth

You cut him open
and made him apologise for having bled
this is for the first time you bled
and he was not there for help

*this is for the first time
you realised
he was your last shot at
happiness
And you threw it away

*this is for the first time
you heard him say
i love you
for
the last time

Dear Allah,
a lot of my friends have been telling me
That you'll be mad at me
for that shirk thing
and what not
but im still your kid,
am i not?

Dear Allah,
things have been hard lately
im sorry for falling in love
and giving him all
but you know my love for him
was nothing impure..
maybe, later it involved
different shades of emotions
but i really do love him

Dear Allah,
I'm sorry
but im trapped
in this maze
Talk to me, will you?
gimme a clue
No, im dumb at decoding
But you know
i feel so bad
please dont stay mad at me

Dear Allah,
i love my family
my mum and dad are good people
They have Always helped other
are they going to hell too
cause they don't follow
islamic religion

Dear Allah,
im 18
So wont you forgive
the sins i cant seem to stop committing
i get it
it is stupid to look for you
in statues
but what if i look for your magic
in every human being
and try to help them
Would not that suffice

Oh, Lord/ Ishwar/ Allah/ Rab
you are one?
maybe even if my way is wrong
you know the destination was you
so, if you can,
please forgive me

Kiss me
As if
you are drowning
And your only
source of oxygen
Is my lips

Kiss me
As if
You want to know
how you taste
On my lips

Kiss me
As if
i am the
Only girl here
For you;
The only one you see

Kiss me
As if
you are a
wilting flower
And i'm the
first drop of rain

Kiss me
As if
my lips
Taste like freedom
And you have been a prisoner
Of the world's ways all your life

Kiss me
Like that is all
You have ever known
As if
You find yourself
Only when you get lost in me

Kiss me
And let the words Flow from
My lips to yours
And weave themselves
into poetry;
a poetry only we can feel

Kiss me
as if you are dying
and your only way
to salvation
is me

*He Kissed me
As if
Trying to tell me
How beautiful He thinks i'm
Without having
To utter A single alphabet

I'm here alone, in my room
And the never decreasing miles
That separate us Falter on the floor
Everytime i close my eyes
It is only your face i see

I guess i always knew
The inevitability of our situation
A dawn chasing midnight
No way on earth we could have had a happy end

It was a privilege knowing you
And having my feet swept off the ground
I was too busy wondering why you loved me
To say i love you in return
But i guess you know i did

Im here alone in my room
but you are in everything i see
you are scattered everywhere
yet your absence is all i feel
too many dreams of you and no you to wake up to.

*I guess i always knew
the inevitability of our situation
dawn chasing midnight
no way on earth we could have had a happy end

Some habits we
can't quit
some wounds
never heal
some lovestories
remain unknown
some beautiful songs
waiting to be sung
some best poems
that remain unwritten
some memories
left to rust
some dreams
left abandoned
some letter covered with dust
some write
to remember
some write
To forget
Me .?
i write
To bleed
i write
Hoping maybe
my words will
help someone sleep
if you are reading this
Just know
if it is dark where you are
we can always fly
to a new horizon
just close your eyes, honey
You and I'll be safe
tonight we are invincible

If this was a bollywood movie
You'd wait for me
And my road would lead me to yours
Eventually.

If this was a bollywood movie
We would have made silent promises
It's either us
Or we are forever on our own

If this was a bollywood movie
My poems would not remain unread
If this was a bollywood movie
Our story would not end like that

If this was a bollywood movie
You would shift the world
Just to see me.
If this was a bollywood movie
You would lift me off my feet
And not simply ....
Go and beg another girl
To love you.


But
This is not a bollywood movie
Just a sad poem
That will never be finished
Cause the poet
Found a better
Subject to muse over.

I gave away
Too much of me
To make room for
Too much of you
I wish i had not

I never put you
on the top
of my list
But said goodbye to everyone else
{It was you and only you}
I wish i had not

I bribed the sun
To let you shine the brightest
And the moon
To never let you
Go astray
I wish i had not

I murmured your name to the wind
And told all of my friends about you
Now,
The wind still whispers your name
My friends look at me with eyes askance. So
I wish i had not

You mesmerized me
With your words
I ended up believing all of them.
Oh, how
I wish i had not.