schizophrenia is back.

I talk to the creature sat at the end of my bed,
He takes his hands and places them on my head,
I cry into his palms,
He is humble,
He is kind,
The only vision that has been in the whole of my life.

I tell him my troubles,
My worries,
My pain,
He whispers and tells me to keep being sane.

I tell him I lost my mind a long time ago,
He says
"Oh my dear, no.  You are the one who's sane amoung a world that is crazy. Take this your gift and let your life flow."

He tucks me into bed,
Wipes my eyes,
Tells me to never believe anyone's lies,
He leaves me now,
Walks away,
I close my eyes,
And drift away.

After a lifetime of "my gift" giving me grief,
Pain, despair, and broken belief,
The creature he showed me,
That not all is bad,
There is hope still,
maybe I'm really not mad.

You make me shine on outside
Yet inside I still
Feel yucky

Sweating, hurting;
I've been working all day.
Lifting, heaving;
I don't mind, I'm strong.
Chopping, gripping;
I can take it, the pain is nothing.
Carrying, moving;
My mind starts wandering.
Raising, digging;
I say "I'm so tired..."
Pushing, straining;
Isn't that how you feel every day?
Shaking, holding;
It's cutting into my hands.
Don't deny it. You know you want to quit.
Kneeling, struggling;
Just let it go, you'll feel so much better.
Trembling, groaning;
Drop it, **** it! Let it crush you!
Seizing, hoisting;
I will not.
Hefting, bearing;
Yes, you will. Let the weight crush you NOW!
Shoving, throwing;
No! You can't do that! That's not fair-
Falling, relaxing;
I'm so tired, but now I can rest peacefully.
Sleeping, dreaming;
I've thrown my past away.

Show me a field that is filled with golden flowers
hours upon hours the smell of the grass elevates the scents
that seems to send passerbys into an overdrive of envy.
Lend me your hand so that my coarse skin is softened by yours,
the door to my heart is forever open awaiting your entrance
and the defences are fending off other fiends so don't worry about guard
because as hard as it is to trust, I've let my guards down a long time ago.
Show me that you can be the green to my gold
let us grow old but never grow up as we play like kids
let the bliss fill both our hearts as we unite together against the world.
Girl, will you find it in yourself to love me? ...as much as I love you?

You and I have shared words, shown the darkness, the light
and glimpses of bright coloured sky where the truth floats freely.
Though you can not see me, I have felt glimpses of your strength,
the length we've known each other has honestly been short
but thoughts to words, I have come to understand and learnt
that though the sun has burnt, there are moments where that star
wears a seared scar like any other thing that exists within this world.
The waves curl between the shores and the vast amount of water
and like an author you find ways to find words that fit perfectly.
There is certainty in my tone when I say that you will come to find
the gems and stones that blind those who chooses to wear a mask
like a buried flask filled with honesty and pure emotion.

I have been grateful in so many ways for your constant encouragement,
the words you flourish embeds itself into my mind as a constant reminder
to never give up writing like a spider that never gives up designing webs.
I've leapt in joy on numerous occasions to discover new poems of yours
and to learn behind closed doors what an amazing character you possess
only attests to how well you write. You've written diamonds in every line
like a diamond mine but with words.

It's a new year, happy new year.
The introduction of your story is up to how you choose to write it,
you're the writer, the painter, the artist behind the pathways you choose.
I encourage you to keep on writing, to never give up and to stay strong;
it's been a long journey and yet there is so much left unseen.
I've only been your friend for a short while, but I thank you for every moment.