she used a sewing needle
to tattoo stitches
up my spine
when she asked me if
I loved her I
pulled her
palm to my
blistered chest so she knew
the dull thuds
she's hearing are
not ticks of a
clock, they are
my heartbeat
making way for the
next time she wants
to use me like a napkin
I will help her get clean
every time
without fault
she can break my heart
as many times as she
pleases, so long as
she keeps
coming back to tattoo it together

I never thought I was falling
in love with you
I only knew
how much it would hurt to let go of your hand.
I only knew
that I would never be the one to let go of your hand.
I only knew
that you would stop kissing my sun starved cheeks
I only knew
that I could never cut you off.
I only knew
how much it would hurt to let go of your hand.
I only knew
that it would hurt.

write me fireworks
write me sunsets
and butterflies
write me your first cup of coffee in the morning
write me early mornings
and late nights
write me your brother
                 your son
                 your uncle
                 your cousin
                 your best friend
                 your boyfriend
                 your husband
                 your lover
                 your love
write me your smile
write me your heart outside of your body
write me never missing a beat
write me necessary
write me your last hope
write me your first
write me love
write me the second half of your name
write me your shoelaces you can't quit tripping over
write me the first note you played on your out of tune guitar strings
write me the band aid to your scraped knees
write me the cure for your hiccups
write me yours

Born with a scorn
For the body adorned
With ribbons and bows
And told, "How she glows!"
"I am not a girl,"
He boldly tells the world.

Born with a feeling forlorn,
Feeling emotionally torn--
If I am a boy,
Why am I annoyed
When told not to dance,
And no dresses, just pants.
"I am not a boy,"
She says, cutesy and coy.

Speaking softly to yourself.
She's in the room across the hall.
And you're afraid to cry if she hears you..
Just speaking what you're going to ask her.
"Mom, would you let me be a guy?"
And all of a sudden, your whisper is shaking
and tears of worry and shame slip down your cheeks

I feel more lost
And yet more found on this night
I pace in the mirror
pull out a pink sweater shirt
"If you like how you look in this, don't tell her"
I think as I pull it over my shoulders
I hate how I look...
It's not me.
Grab my skater jacket and cover up the pink
And then I smile. This is me.
I have to do it one way or the other.

I remember I used to be asked by you,
All the time,
"Are you okay?"
And I would say,
"I'm fine."
You would look at me,
With this steady gaze in your,
Storm eyes,
And say,
"I didn't ask if you were fine,
I asked if you were okay."
And now every time I am upset,
You sternly say,
"You're fine."
And I think there is deep
Irony in that.

You promised me the world,
Then left to go find your own.