Parsavagely Kompenere: Poems

242 · Apr 2016

Serious

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2016

Serious

"Stop making me giggle,"
He can't stay serious,
We can't stay serious,
Never a moment longer than a breath,
Wasted with the necessity,
Of words not painted with gold
Smiles.

241 · Aug 2017

Roll

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2017

Roll

An epic battle
Of numbers against paper
Of ideas versus plans
A determination to defy
The rules the world is governed by
And bring inconceivable to life

241 · Aug 2017

Wooden Spoon

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2017

Wooden Spoon

Wood.
Carved by machine.
Curved for purpose.
Yet.
Snatched from logic.
Labelled a trophy.
An antivictory earned too hard.
Wood.
Stirring memories.

241 · Dec 2015

Orb

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2015

Orb

The orb glows,
Grows,
Glares and flares,
Boils and bursts,
Behind my eye,
Blinds my mind,
To the dark,
Dazzles me senseless,
Into a glorious moment,
A ****** of A silver
Sliver of hope,
Of happiness numbed,
Of pain.

But too bright,
The glass shatters,
Breaks my joy,
In two,
Once again,
And my mind shuts down,
And drowns in its own misery,
And goes to sleep.

241 · Oct 2015

The Price of Life

Parsavagely Kompenere Oct 2015

The Price of Life

How far would I go to save you?
How many risks would I take?
How much would I give up to make you smile?
How many lives would I sacrifice for just one?
For just yours?

As far as it took, it would be worth it,
As many as it took, it would be worth it,
As much as it took, it would be worth it,
All those sacrifices, it would be worth it,
For you.

240 · Jul 2016

Laughed before we cried

Parsavagely Kompenere Jul 2016

Laughed before we cried

There was such life in his eyes,
Such energy,
That far surpassed his body's limits.

So keen to speak,
To tell of all his years,
And to learn of new ones to come.

No fear of change crept into his mind,
Always looking forward,
Never "It was better in the old days" but rather "It was different".

A man led by a love of God,
Who led him to touch hearts,
And raise spirits.

And the finest mark of such a man,
That in memory we laughed before we cried.

In memory of Stanley, a great friend.

240 · Mar 2017

VR - V

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2017

VR - V

Free-roaming means data is off,
Eyes are up and headphones drop
Take a breath, taste the air
Take a step, no need to stare -
No shock, no bait,
No status update,
No followers to feed
No limits, no need
To restrict yourself to one-hundred-and-forty
Characters that aren't quite you,
No, for once, feel it all in one go
Not in a ten-second video,
First-hand experience is better
Than cutting down ur lettrs
Time to rediscover the world,
Through the highest definition
Four-dimensional,
Multi-sensational,
Live-stream of consciousness:
Reality.

240 · Jan 2015

One month

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2015

One month

Every day,
For a month,
I have tried to write,
From my heart,
Through my hands,
Onto paper made from light,
Though I found,
It hard at times,
I think it's gone alright,
And I hope,
You have enjoyed,
Joining my mind's flight,
Your words for mine
Have kept me smiling,
And helped keep my heart bright,
So thank you all,
And I hope you'll stay,
To see tomorrow's flame ignite.

240 · Apr 2015

Desperate Souls [Part 4]

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2015

Desperate Souls [Part 4]

I watched her go.
She was right there in front of me until...
She wasn't.
I didn't say a word,
Just stood there and witnessed the warmth leave her lungs.
I couldn't even hold her hand,
I wish I had.
For a month I cried,
But every tear that fell only fuelled the angry flames within me.
Soon I was a puppet,
Forgetting empathy,
Addicted to hate.
And his frail body took the pain of my despair.
I saw him almost break,
Then learn to take it.
I didn't notice him grow up...
Until he ran.
Then I saw how much he had changed,
How far we had drifted apart,
Or rather,
How far I drove him away.
The bottle in my hand does not excuse me for that.
I know.
But.
I think I've gone too far now.
She told me to look after him.
I promised...Oh God!
I betrayed her!
And him.

#pain #death #abuse #son #betrayal

240 · Sep 2016

Made fragile

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Made fragile

Shimmered clouds drip from green needles,
Hanging between the air,
Twisting to follow their jade guide,
And frozen in fine mist,
Clinging to each silver line,
Held in place,
Reinforced into shining wheels,
Soft as air, strong as steel,
Shaken by shallow breath,
A firm grip made fragile.

240 · Jun 2015

Excuse

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2015

Excuse

Breathing heavily,
Then spluttered screams,
Then broken cries,
And shattered bones,
Spilling blood,
Spears of pain,
Tight throats,
Death.

Don't blame me,
It's always been this way.

240 · Feb 2016

Shades of night

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Shades of night

Why are my eyes widest in the dark?
When there's less to see,
No light to see by,
I strain to see the details.

As the shadows creep across and pull the curtains closed,
I find subtly lighter shades of night,
Paint colours far more vivid,
Than the tones of daytime.

The harder it is to see, the more truth the dark reveals,
The tighter fatigue's fingers wrap round my waist,
The more I want her embrace,
And soon I'm smothered in purest black,
Where I feel at home,
At peace,
Until the crack of dawn sends me to sleep.

240 · Apr 2016

Shut down

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2016

Shut down

Determined,
But far too weak to keep eyes,
Fixed on what they need,
To see to keep,
Working,
And instead,
My body lets down my mind,
And shuts
Down.

240 · Dec 2015

Optimism

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2015

Optimism

Shaking hands,
Shaky heart,
Shaken mind,
Will not stop me,
From smiling again,
Dancing again,
Laughing again,
Even when things aren't,
Easy to deal with,
Simple to cope with,
Painless to live with,
Because I am stronger,
Than my mistakes,
Than bitter stabs,
And hateful words.

239 · May 2016

Write through the spring

Parsavagely Kompenere May 2016

Write through the spring

The endless blue has hidden again,
Cowered behind the grey,
Though yesterday bold,
Now shy and afraid to be seen.

American spring has gone back home,
The British clouds back,
To take control,
And remind us we are a kingdom, not states.

Laid-back afternoons are over now,
Making way for the stress of reality,
No time to close your eyes,
No time to look around,
Sit at a desk and write through the spring,
Ignore the seasons,
Sit and write what they say.

239 · Jun 2016

Warzone I

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2016

Warzone I

A child's scream,
But no child's lungs,
Produced the grating sound.

Fear is laced,
Upon the air,
And seeps into the ground.

Shots ring out,
And feet pound,
As mothers rush to their sons.

Explosions rip,
Their hearts in two,
Their lives the price for guns.

239 · Jan 2017

We're all mental

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2017

We're all mental

All my friends need medication
I need injections to stay me
And everyone around me's in love with insanity
The deluded speak the truth
They see the world as it is
Cause really life is dark and bleak and ****

239 · Sep 2015

Write something

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2015

Write something

Why do I write?
Because I can?
Because I must?
Because I should?
No.

I write for that feeling,
That heavenly feeling,
Of absolute freedom.

No boundaries,
When I write,
Imagination is the only limit,
Whatever I want to happen,
Wherever I want to go,
Whoever I want to be,
Is my choice.

I create worlds,
Build lives,
Change perceptions,
Resolve conflict,
At my will.

I can escape to the place of my choosing,
I can be lying beneath an ancient oak in summer,
With my friends,
Becoming better friends,
For a while.

I can redo,
Restart,
Rewind,
Erase,
All mistakes,
All sadness,
If I want.

I can fly and touch the clouds,
Or tame the fiercest beast,
Or battle demons,
Or influence cultures,
Or invent machines,
Or be myself,
Completely and utterly,
Simply by putting a pen to paper,
Or fingers to keys,
And writing something.

Anything.

239 · Apr 2017

Sarin

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2017

Sarin

Proven truths become
Cracks in the ice
Keeping us from plunging
Into a suffocating void
Living only by the
Facts we're fed
That keep us breathing
But only just
And slowly poisoning
Our brains.

239 · Jan 2016

Axis

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

Axis

In my grieving,
The world lost hope.

In my lying,
The world ran scared.

In my stillness,
The world moved on.

In my hiding,
The world forgot me.

In my smiling,
No one was left.

239 · Jun 2016

Fire

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2016

Fire

The smell is choking,
Right in my lungs,
I can't see a thing,
Just grey and flame,
I can hardly breathe,
And the world is turning black,
And all sound falls away,
And only "Run!" screams through my head,
So I do,
Like a coward,
Like a fool,
I could have stopped it,
But now the fire's caught,
And nothing's left to go back to

238 · Aug 2017

Remember How

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2017

Remember How

Lungs bypassing air
Heart forgetting how to beat
Brain losing control

238 · Aug 2016

Angel's key

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2016

Angel's key

Turning of shadows,
By mechanical means,
Serrated edges,
Cogs, screws and strings,
Form fractals of unknown symmetry,
On eternally ancient masonry.

A screeching, a scratching,
Of claws on walls,
Of screams to escape,
Grinding of brutal doors,
Revealing boiling myth-born beasts,
Commencing destructive ritual,
Malevolent black-heart spiritual.

The voices scream,
Chaos reigns,
Angelic faith initiates,
Falling clockwork teeth,
Carving scars from perfect wings.

238 · Aug 2017

Too Hot

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2017

Too Hot

The heat presses down
Clammy hands over my mouth
The air burns my brain

238 · Aug 2015

Can't you?

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2015

Can't you?

I am not afraid to own up to the fact,
That I have ****** things up enough,
For a thousand lifetimes.

And I am not afraid to accept the fact,
That the **** I've done,
Has hurt enough people,
And shed enough blood,
To send me straight to hell.

And I am not afraid to admit to the fact,
That no matter how many times I try to make up for it,
My soul is ******,
My mind is ******,
And my heart is ******.

But if a ****** up ******* like me,
Is still able to accept that some people are different,
And is still able to love them for who they are,
And doesn't judge people for where they came from or who they love,
Then why can't you?

238 · Sep 2016

Catchy

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Catchy

A tune in my head
A tapping of fingers
And feet grows stronger

Made up words
That made you cry
And laugh all at once

A love song
For a muse yet to come
And yet to care for me

A new anthem
For strangers to hear
And sing along themselves

Connections
Need rough edges
And a broken surface

So show my dark side
And know yours isn't so bad
And you're not the only one

238 · Apr 2017

Fatigue, take Dream

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2017

Fatigue, take Dream

In the heart of the evening,
Alone but for the passive hum of the fridge,
Waiting for the creeping force of fatigue
To press down upon my eyes.

He comes each night to interrupt,
To steal away my hours that march on unwavered,
And pass by without interest
In a solitary sleeping girl.

And from Him, She takes my limp body,
To sweeten the inescapable emptiness,
With promises, tales and memories
Crafted from my own

236 · Aug 2015

Sixteenth

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2015

Sixteenth

Behind me,
Years,
Too few,
And too many,
Spent afraid,
But so many,
Left to live,
Left to smile,
To be myself,
For my sixteenth year,
I will be me,
Every day,
For the first time.

236 · Dec 2014

Dreams

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2014

Dreams

The only time you don't lie to yourself

#dream #sleep #lie

235 · Feb 2016

Save the moment

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Save the moment

.                            Their eyes scan,
searching for some
                          sight with more meaning than just an image.

Then eyes to the page and screen, hands to the cold.
Focus on some impossible feeling that could never quite
make it to the paper without
                                                    disruption.

                                                        And eyes close, forming truths.
                                          How best to commit the scent, sound or colour?
                                              How to restore an idea -  a concept so clear
                                                       in their minds but none besides?

The right word - eyes fix, then
               jump and dart,
                             away from those half-formed thoughts - then
               back, return to the same place, the same moment that was
               but then never was again.
That moment that would be lost, but for the words so
desperately scrawled.

235 · Aug 2017

Metal to Metal

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2017

Metal to Metal

A chattering of metal to metal
A hushed whisper
Broken only by the limits of closeness
No message lost along lines of muttering
And those confused caught quickly
No patience stored within those thin sheets
All rushed to fill this screen

235 · Sep 2016

Made Real

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Made Real

Jumbling up body parts,
To find a new solution
To a bonkers problem
That never existed until
It hopped into my mind
And scattered away all logic,
Replaced by a childish dream,
A pointless exercise,
A useless creation,
But still such pride
In the randomness of my mind,
And such freedom to be found
In the limbs and eccentricities
Of a ridiculous beast
With no reality
But made real by me.

235 · Nov 2015

(In)Visible

Parsavagely Kompenere Nov 2015

(In)Visible

I long for invisibility.
For no-one to notice,
or look twice.

But also for the truth
of visibility.

To allow me to shine,
honestly transparent,
and let me be seen without fear.

To be subtly
but clearly
different
from anyone else.

235 · Sep 2016

Audition

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Audition

In an instant this space grows walls,
And their eyes fade from sight,
And the floor is stained
With the blood and memories of friends
I could have known.
And echoes of their voices,
Living in the wood.
And every imagined moment
We spent together
Becomes a last farewell.

235 · Dec 2016

Rubato II

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2016

Rubato II

Straining to reach the notes,
Stretching to soar above all,
And deliver some message beyond words,
Outside reason and apart from logic,
And behind the sound, I must make it sound
As if I am simply singing,
Into the brass tunnels and letting them
Turn my song to music.

235 · Jan 2016

One

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

One

If I'd only,
Held you a little longer,
Smiled a little brighter,
Or looked deeper in your eyes,
Would that show you?

If I'd only,
Been a little stronger,
Laughed a little lighter,
Or whispered the words in my mind,
Would you understand?

If I'd only,
Had one chance I'd have taken it,
If I'd only,
Been brave enough to say,
If I'd only,
One more day,
I'd spend it with you.

234 · Aug 2016

UNANarchY

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2016

UNANarchY

Foundations fell centuries ago
We've been building sins
On brittle understones
We dug up the tombs of the best psychos
And they let us in to hell below

We carved our lives into hungry deaths
And then sold our souls
For sixteen breaths
Then we burnt our bones 'til there was nothing left
And we'd hide and we'd fight for a fateless step.

Stretch the world: wafer thin
Flatten reason, break us in
We are the children free of skin
Order falls; chaos wins

What's left of life is not much at all
But if my heart's still beating I will not fall
Our culture is worthless, our laws are too old
But my heart's still beating
My blood is not cold.

234 · Jan 2017

Steal My Eyes

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2017

Steal My Eyes

If I sit here staring into space
Perhaps I'm thinking
Or playing with thoughts
Posing some character and taking
a picture on an instant camera.

Or perhaps I'm singing
Some song in my head
that means enough to steal my sight
from my eyes
for my mind.

234 · Aug 2015

Doubt

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2015

Doubt

Am I hiding?
Can you see me or not?
Did I run or just fall away?
Am I gliding?
Can my wings keep me up?
Have I broken myself just to say:
I am different?

234 · Feb 2016

Early bloom

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Early bloom

The simple pleasure,
Of feeling my hair,
Move around in the wind,
Which carries on its breath,
The sweet sound of my name.

To know that as stranger's eyes,
Glance at me,
They see the same person,
As I see in my head,
Without a second look.

To feel the freedom in my legs,
The spring in my step,
Blossom under my feet,
Too early, perhaps, but the winter has been mild,
And my heart did not freeze.

234 · Feb 2016

The open door [Part 3]

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

The open door [Part 3]

Try to pull away,
One foot breaks from the shadows,
But no strength remains.

234 · Jun 2016

Satisfied

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2016

Satisfied

The chance, it's there!
Left! No, right!
But too late, the decision delayed,
And straight down the middle,
Denied. Again.
When will the luck break?
Can the bad run end?
A drought, everlasting,
Dry mouth, hungry,
Starving for the one hint,
And there again!
Another chance, charging for it,
Oh the taste! Satisfied at last.

234 · Feb 2016

What he wants

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

What he wants

A finger traces my jaw,
A whisper nudges my ear,
A rustling, a word, a hint,
I know.

A hand on my arm,
A breath trickles down my neck,
Closer he crawls, a touch,
I know.

A kiss on my cheek,
As I close my eyes and imagine,
Myself away, free, but
I know.

He will get what he wants,
Again.

234 · Mar 2016

Denial

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2016

Denial

You'll be fine when...
Eternal lie...
Waiting never...
Made anyone feel...
Better...
Once you've...you'll feel different
Cruel promise...
Aiming the wrong way...
Won't get any closer...
To truth...
Just a phase*
Dismissal...
Will not help...
Denial is...
Pointless

233 · Jun 2015

What the dark holds [Part-1]

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2015

What the dark holds [Part-1]

She can't see,
Her eyes are not covered,
But no light reaches them.

She can't move,
Her arms are not held,
But they do not obey her.

She can't cry,
Her lips do not smile,
But she cannot release the tears.

She can't feel,
Her heart is not cold,
But it will not break down its walls.

She is broken,
And terrified,
"Who's there?"

"Anyone?"

"I'm scared."

*"Of what, my dear?"

233 · Oct 2015

Pledge

Parsavagely Kompenere Oct 2015

Pledge

I am not who you say I am,

I do not fit in boxes,
Except the ones,
I made for myself.

I am not for you to label:
"Fragile" or "Handle with care",
I'll tell you:
"This way up" and "Do not crush".

I will not conform to stereotypes,
Or another one's ideals,
Just to keep them happy,
At my expense.

I am not an anomaly,
A statistic or a test subject,
I do not need examining,
Or curing,
Or filling with drugs.

I will not judge,
On appearance,
And neither should you.

I am not who you say I am,
I am who I say I am,
And I will tell you in my own time.

232 · Dec 2015

The wrong lane

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2015

The wrong lane

Stuck in the wrong lane,
Swerving with indecision,
Cut off on all sides.

232 · Apr 2017

I'm Not Okay Tonight

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2017

I'm Not Okay Tonight

I'm not okay tonight
My focus is brittle
And scampering
Around my legs
Driving me mad
And filling
Every second
With sick, heavy thoughts
I hate them hate
Them hate they
Are not me.

I'm not okay tonight
I'm screaming, curling up
Into a ball of tension
One foot twitching
Breaths shallow
And shaking
Against the darkness
Sticking to my throat
And choking me
Into bed.

232 · Jul 2016

Dream's eyes

Parsavagely Kompenere Jul 2016

Dream's eyes

I have written of being lonely more times than I can count,
When I am still surrounded by my friends,
But there is a shadow behind me,
Longing to be replaced,
By a soft embrace,
And the colour of some dream's eyes.

I've drawn and I've imagined more days than I could know,
Of letting my heart fuse with another,
Of handing over my desires,
My time, my hope, my life,
To one, who'd share their own with me:
The colour of their dream's eyes.

So though I'm not alone,
And have loved and been loved before,
I still know what I'm missing,
And I can't stop wishing for it back,
So excuse me if I hold your gaze too long,
Looking for the right shade,
The colour of my dream's eyes.

#love #lonely #searching

232 · Feb 2016

Steel

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Steel

These steel arteries
The life force of modern day
Expand our horizons
Let us escape
Go further than needed
Or just far enough
The breath of the city
A heartbeat, a step
A journey further on
Pulsing, turning forwards
To the future we're building
With tracks and trains and transport
That keep us moving on, on, on...