I find myself
Recently
Longing for something that never was

A fictionalised reality of a perfect love
Based on my imperfect past lovers

I guess I just miss having someone
To hold at night
To kiss the whole world away
To walk side by side
and know I'm safe

But I don't think I've ever had that

I finally feel like I can come from a place of healing when I speak to you

I took time
Isolated myself from everything
And everyone

I needed to find me again
I needed to know myself
Not this figment of who the world was trying to make me through the expectations of society

I'm not blaming
I'm cleansing
I'm choosing light over darkness

I was choosing the wrong life for myself for too long

I put myself in a cage

When I had the key all along

We are hidden,
   The memories
   The thoughts
   The joy
   The experiences of your past

We get so stuck behind the thoughts of your daily struggles
You forget us
We make you who you are
We want you to remember us
All you have to do is listen

Listen

To the look on your fathers face when you walked into his arms for the first time

To the joy on his face when he taught you how to swim and played with you in the water

To the determination that never allowed your pain to stop you from getting out of your hospital bed

Every time

To the joy you spread to others from simply a smile shared

Remember us,
             We are here just pay attention

You forgot who you are
You forgot what sets you apart
You forgot what makes you special
You forgot what you've been through
You forgot what prepared you for now
You forgot your victory over pain
You forgot you are chosen
You forgot you are set apart

You traded it for the pain of the world
The standards of the world
The pain of the world
The darkness of the world
The vices of the world
The pleasure of the world

And it made you forget

How amazing you are
How everytime you fall you get up
How determined you are to love
How excited you are to change
How beautiful your soul is
How you exhude life
How you came to do great things
How you are set apart

                                                Remember?

Nothing lasts

Not the pain
Not the love
Not the beauty
Not the age
Not the darkness

But the light
It goes on forever
Because it is not of this world

If we realize we don't belong in the darkness
The things we would accomplish
Are unparalleled

Looking back
I was heavy

I let everything surround
And drown
Me

My worth
My strength
My beauty

I wrote from a place of pain
I wrote from a place of hurt
I wrote from a place of numbness

I didn't want to feel
I didn't want to know that everything was ok

Because then it would force me to realize that the pain I had affixed myself to with such vigor

Wouldn't last