Hello? Is anybody out there? You said you would be there You said you would catch me If I fell Well I'm starting to think you lied Because now I'm calling for help And no one is answering my cries
I go out to dinner with a near stranger we sit on the same side of the booth and I think about how you're the only one who knows how much I hate that
I drink a drink with ***** and lime and ***** and it almost makes me feel like I know who I am when I'm with someone else
I don't think of you often but last night I did I remembered how your arms are the only place where I am not self-conscious
I lie next to him on my balcony and there are a lot of stars above us but I'm the only one who notices
he is thinking about what I look like naked and I'm counting how many hours of sleep I will get if he leaves before 2
there is not an absence of feeling, just a different kind than I'm used to he touches my hand and I smile in a way that doesn't feel forced
I spend a day with a near stranger and realize there is so much he does not know about me, so much he doesn't care to
like how I got my nose pierced at 14 or the amount of time I spend in the mirror each morning picking myself into something I can carry only semi-confidently
he only learns I can't ride a bike when he asks if I want to he has no idea that my blonde is shielding a deep brown or when I got the freckle above my lip or the inch long scar underneath my chin
he doesn't care and that's okay when he leaves we say I miss you but in a different way than I'm used to
it is not a pain swelling to be morphined nor is it a pulling from the gut but instead it is the ever temporary desire to fill the excess lonely
we say I miss you and still mean it but it is not the missing that a body feels for a phantom limb
I am with him now and probably will be again but moving on doesn't mean I don't miss you it only means I'm trying not to
just because I'm all right doesn't mean I don't wonder how you are I can still be happy with the existence of a quiet ache
but yes I do miss you, I will until the day I can sleep without having to count sheep I will miss you even if there are no stars in the sky to remind me
I don't think of you but last night I did the moon was too bright and I was the only one who noticed