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none Jul 2018
I had split in parts.
I lifted my hand but
it was not me
I spoke words but
it was not me
I existed but
it was not me

I split in parts and
there should be dialogue
between roomates
but I was so terribly frightened
to bother them again
none Sep 2018
You made hatred in my heart,
sadistic and cruel.
a loud voice in the rain cloud,
a little piece of evil.

I have nightmares of you
trapped in the many many places
that were a lonely prison.
I experience again what was
only a nightmare in sleep to me now.

but I awake horrified, full of anger,
not just towards you,
but to myself,
that I could be that violent
just like you

even in a dream.
none Jul 2018
Today I heard a song
about romance, but
I did not picture a person-
instead a glass of ***
and I danced to the tune
and the words
of love and adoration.

Today I made up my mind
to break up with this romance
and no longer dance
to this song anymore.
none Jul 2018
emotion is the sea
and not for me-
a creek at most,
to wade in shallow water
but if I drown in a bottle
I am then
the ocean of highest depth
none Jan 27
the greatest day of my new year
was riding into a thick grey fog,
revisiting places of my early memories,
of pain and violence absolute.
i couldnt have wanted more
what i would give to feel as free as that again-
to admire that despair over and over...
it was the perfect day.
of remembrance
and then of ultimate loss
none May 16
darling, I miss you
in ways I wish I could
portray fully. as they say,
true love is shown through
actions-not words.

I miss your violent sweetness
tearing through my stomach
kindly molding me
into our perfect image.

I crave your airy touch-
on protruding bones,
bulging veins.
and holding my heart
while it flutters.

I will win you back
through splatter on ceramic tile
furious punching of numbers,
sleeping in tremors
and waking in dizzy euphoria.

please, I need you
render me empty
deconstruct my body
to put together anew
once more

You have always told me
"you are nothing without me"

.....

and oh god,
you were right.

— The End —