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One Pusumane Sep 2014
Why am I of this generation?
The universe denied me joy
I now hate the world…..
It’s painful enough that I have to drown in this blissful agony
To what extent do I draw the line between hate and love?
Is it possible that I can be free as a dove?
I yearn for freedom like a slave
Because all I do is for life’s sake
No one knows me, the real
Nobody knows my smile, my joy…
The true me that illuminates when the fake pretence is stripped off
I carry hate around as though I depended on it to live
I bear great regrets that have got me whishing
Whishing I had life’s reset button
But then again it’s a wish
Since forever I will perish
I wish I had someone who could listen
And not for once glisten with judgment
I guess my own heart bleeds through paper
As my dark soul moves to the rhythm of my pen
I thought I had it all
But I now realize…. Any minute now…. I might just fall
Can I have a friend who will hold my hand?
I guess the utter silence means pen and paper are forever with me
But dear paper, dear handsome pen…. may ask…
What is it to be human???
One Pusumane Sep 2014
I think that in the end we would rather keep our pain than jump at a chance for joy....

We would rather hate than forgive and forget because forgiving makes it "ok".

We would rather keep our own crosses than trade for anything else...

I would rather go home to a husband who bashes my face in and his gifts to me are a couple of broken bones and bruises than take a chance with this cold world....

Once you find someone who loves u.. love u in their own kind of way... everything seems OK, perfect even... because nothing hurts more than rejection and uncertainty... It has to hurt to be "Love" ,,, right CUPID?
One Pusumane Sep 2014
Life stood on the far end of the room...
his gaze burned a hole through my empty soul
The silence was deafening.... until "he" asked..
"what is it you want from me".......
I then went on to name "peoples" dreams
Who should have what.. who deserves what
how much and why "they" deserve it..

All this time I never realized that in my own highway of dreams
In my own highway of hope and happily ever afters I carried  someones dream
I gave away my own so that "they" can have  it all.

The universe calls it love.. I call it weakness....
It took away everything ,,,,,I dont know who I am anymore
I dont know what I want anymore.... But what I know is that ,,,,
"Love" is no more because it robbed me.,
One Pusumane Sep 2014
I look at the pale figure that lay before my eyes and I cringe with sheer hate.
I stare in disgust awe as I think of a million ways not to be here.
She stares at me and smiles, for a moment I do not notice it.

The mask she wears is perfect, it was her second skin.
She makes pain look more appealing than that love story ending.
Darkness hoovers over her because it lusts after her soul.
Thoughts that run through her mind have no bounds

She stands at the cold alter, waiting upon death.....
The cold blade against her skin reminds her of the love to come..
She then digs deeper and deeper,,,,,, till she is home... free @ last..
Free from hating, free from everyone... free... just free....
One Pusumane Sep 2014
As the day dawns on me so do my scars
They now retreat back into my pale skin
I then see deception entering the room
I welcome him with opens arms

This is a man I have missed...
These are the lies I have yearned for because I have been loosing sleep
Never have I been so in love, never have I been so content
Never have I seen such a strong grip by lust nor death

Preacher sold me lies today in church...
he stood there and said there is "happiness"
but I ask thee, I ask the deceptive figure that lay before me
Is it happiness or simply deception that keeps us going..

Some call it faith, fate, hope ,persistence, perseverance... all those names
But I know its true form, I know its true nature
Its deception.. it creeps every time....
Because we cant accept it we call it "Names"
One Pusumane Sep 2014
I have found comfort in random places
I found love in the sharpest places
I am a man and I can lie

A girl trapped in a glass house
I wear a mask to hide all the pain
I do not fantasize about boys and six packs
I lust for death and its warm embrace
I guess it could offer me peace ..
It could offer me closure like these scars on my arms

I hate it when these "strangers" shed tears for me
I hate it when these people pity me
They say its because they love me
But I dont feel it....

There is no love, who could love ...
Darkness gave birth to me,,, she then left me to rot in hell
I now walk among these "happy" souls who believe lies to get thru the day
And sometimes I need to bleed so that I can check if I am truly human
Because in this glass house, time and space are no more....
#Depression Modes #Depression Catches Up #random
  Sep 2014 One Pusumane
Joshua Haines
Mother, Father
I am six foot one and I can see over the trees
I can **** mountains and bury my bones in the soil
I am six foot one and I am just tall enough to see the truth
I can look over others but I can't look over myself
My shoulders bend like a bow, waiting to break
And I can feel it all. I can feel it all.

And to you,
May your temporary smile be a golden forever
And your heart existent with or without hope
Let your brain open doors your hands cannot touch
And your chest not collapse when the smoke is too much
To live and to love with you is the grandest adventure
And to cut myself on your edges, bleeds into itself
And to live in your heart, is the biggest place I've ever found
And to kiss you until my hands break and there is no sound

And to all of us,
We're a dark piece of trash
Ribs are a cage and holographic souls sing
Disenchanted by the human experience
We're pretentious and objectify everything

And to all of us,
We're all light, we're all eyes wondering wide
And we all shine bright, some of us cannot hide
May your hands slant, slowly slinging
towards the bells that are slowly ringing
and may you strike a chord in all of us.
May your existence be a temporary forever.
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