i want to write about you forever,
i want to write about us forever.
i'll try my best to keep us alive,
even if it hurts
because right now,
i can't let go of you,
of us.

i'll write about the first time you told me you loved me,
about how my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest when you simply smiled,
about how the love we shared and gave each other was real and will forever mean something to me.

and although my heart was blue sometimes,
and when your words cut deep into me,
i can't seem to let go.
not yet.

i just wanted to be in your arms again.
no matter how bruised they made me and broke my heart,
i would do it over and over again,
for you.
and i hate myself for it.

i miss you.
i'm coming home.
i forgive you.
please welcome me with open arms.
i'm sorry,
please forgive me.
i miss your warmth,
i need your warmth.
i'm coming home.

i threw away 22 pages of writing because it didn't matter.
the things i've seen and lived through,
it doesn't matter.
i mean,
it does,
but i'm here now.
when it did it get so hard to write about now?

you can't take it away from me.
i won.
i was strong and i won.

it doesn't matter how much i write about it or cry about it.
it's over and that's okay.
it's okay.
i will be okay.