could go crazy over
this
over
analyze
over
think
this
but i'm over
over thinking
so you come to me
with what you will
when you will
and that's just what we call life,
now ain't it?

I appreciate simplicity.
The mediocrity
Of being absorbed in my thoughts.
The life of a solivagant.
It's who I am.
It's all I know.
Do not deem me ill because
You have never sat down and
Explored the dynamics and complexities
Of your being because we are clearly not On the same mental or spiritual calibre.

i am the buzz you feel after
glass number two
i am the manifestation
the realization
of your innermost exuberant intoxication

i am your left and also
your right eyelid
heavy for that sleep place
wanting no less than to consume
every inch of deepness
of your day’s most secret secrets

i am a collector of sap
slow and true. and meticulous
and like that overgrown tree over which it falls

i’m dead

satisfied, endlessly, with my stillness.

I am not numb
For numb is having emotions too much to bare
Too complicated to sift through
Too tangle up to sort out
Too overwhelming to rise above
That everything just merges into nothing.

Robotics
Mechanics
Manic antics.
No longer unmotivated
No longer too scared to try
No longer too pained to care
No longer too hurt to love.
The threads you were hanging on by we're annihalated.
But you're not falling
Or panicking
Or soaring
Or dying
You're just existing.
Going through the motions of the decent or the flight.
Taking everything in your stride.
Not faltering
Not altering the way you do things.
Everything is transformed
Emotion feels nonexistent
And thoughts become frail.

But my days are numbered.
Not because I can't feel
Or won't feel
But because everything is mediocre.
Soaring is going up
Plummeting is going down
Rising above the **** is up
Being in he'll is going down
Torture is annoying pain
Euphoria is mild joyfulness
Depression is a shadow
Love is a fleck of light
Being haunted is remembering
Thoughts are just there
And my existence is passing me by.

My days are numbered
Because my torturous reward is this cage.
This daze
This haze
This maze of feelings
Impossible to navigate when everything is foggy.

My days are numbered
Because when you push something so far away
You're just giving it momentum to hit monumentally harder.  
And I can't escape this daze
But when I'm released...
I fear the outcome.

i see it now
i spent countless hours
peeling petals off of flowers
and wishing futures that would never come
seeking love in the dark and not in the sun
i see it now
he is the wave that drags sailors under
and the lightning that proves more fatal than thunder
and the song the birds hum that is too melancholy
and he never could ever truly love me fully
yes, i see it now

how terribly dull
what pitiful fools
who can't think for themselves
and abide all the rules

how wonderfully clever
and unequal in measure
are those brave few who dissever
themselves, from platitudinous notions, and live free, forever.

“I miss you”* is an understatement
Because when I say “I miss you” what I’m really saying is that
Every day I go without your laughter
Without your smile
Without your voice
Without your intoxicating presence
Is a day wasted
It’s a day the sun is a bit duller
Food a bit blander
And oxygen less satisfying
Suffice it to say
“I miss you” is an understatement