i keep my soul hidden now beneath scattered tattered notebook paper pieces in outdated shoe boxes & deep between the covers of books, crisply underlined & strong- strong there, only there, with those words. most days i wake praying for rain; that tender soft world which it provides me with, drowns out the ever constant hum of traffic, arguing, the war on television, the growing sigh of humanity.

here i am.

I’m driving down some typical road all the roads look exactly the same here the streetlights passing by one by one by one. counting patterns in the road & I’m watching the swarm of black birds hanging over the highway; they’re swimming in their own way; kissing the sky & diving back down. that comfortable feeling of breaking skin
my blood may be the most priceless thing i own & maybe it’s for that reason i want to ruin it.

You are not defined
by the pain in your stomach
or the tightness in your chest,
and your shaky hands
and the inability to breathe
are not signs of weakness,
although you have convinced
yourself differently.

Every masterpiece was once
a work in progress,
and there is more to you than
a disorder.

-k.w//An Open Letter to my Anxiety

Shades of black
Everything is black
Your eyes your hair the way your stare back
You eyes are mesmerizing ******* me in with just a look. Your like a temptation you've Got me hooked. I just died in your arms with a smile on my face. Shrowed with black covered in lace. Dying before I even realized I was alive, living for a love that's already died.

sometimes......................
I take one too
many
pills

because I don't want to think.

I don't need to feel.

I am made of stars.
They cover my skin,
creating galaxies that traverse my body.
I am beautiful.
Every breath I take creates something new,
like a world full of beauty.
I am a good person.
Though I occasionally do bad,
I am wonderful and nobody hates me.
I am made of stars.
And I am learning to love myself.

To you

I'm not really sure how I'll start this letter, which is a first since you know I love writing them. I'm trying to picture your reaction as you read these words, and I am both relieved and frightened. Relieved, because I finally have what I have been wanting to say for months off my chest. Frightened, because I may be making a grave mistake that I'll surely suffer the consequences of later.

You are like a drug to me. You're not good for me, and I'm not good for you. Yet I keep wanting you, missing you, craving your presence. You still take up about 90% of the thoughts in my mind and I wake up, every morning, thinking about you. I've been doing that for months, and I wonder when I'll stop, and it scares me to know that it may not be for a while.

Is there a reason for this letter? Yes, there is. I need you to know the words I have never told you. If I had to die tomorrow, I can promise you this: I'll die regretting not having told you this. You meant so much to me, and yet somehow you still do. Everywhere I go, you seem to follow me, haunting me like a ghost. And, to be completely frank, I deserve better than you. And I felt like you never appreciated me, but at the same time, it was my fault for not showing you who the true me was. I was always scared, so stupidly scared. I never showed you my true ability to love, and for that I am sorry.

I don't exactly know what I'm asking for you, or if I'm asking for anything at all. But know this - I miss you, and if I could redo our time together, I would.

I hope you have a good life. It hurts me to know I won't be apart of it. But hey, people come and go. That's life. Maybe we will both find someone better.

- Someone who was once your everything x

You make me feel...
Indescribable. A rock among the crashing waves.
Safe. Like my silly fears aren't tearing me apart.
Accepted. I love myself, but never thought someone else would too.
Loved. Maybe I'm not so alone.
Happy. A smile on your face is a smile on mine.
Bubbly. I've never known a solid cloud, but now ones beneath me.
Afraid. I can't lose you. I've never known that pain. It'd **** me.
Awkward. I'm not used to compliments.
You make me feel
Both like feeling is amazing
And something id rather not do.