water is gasoline
and i'm steady drinking it.

my necklace is noose,
i'm waiting to slip.

my bracelets as razors,
pressed up against me.

cigarettes as car exhaust
when i watch it fill the dead air,
i breathe deeper.

and i stop all together.
there was something about
feeling close to death.

i search for that feeling on the edge of tall buildings.

and i'm always on the edge.

i didn't need visuals to survive.
skin trembled in need of touch,
ears empty needing voids to be filled
it was hard to believe i'd set myself on fire for someone who consumed me,
but ashes piled up into a being made of fragments from previous fires and burnout relationships,
hardening into the chills that skimmed skin when i heard beautiful words directed towards me,
the way music transformed my soul, each different melody something so eclectic, the feeling of finding unlimited rhythms that moved my core,
initiating thoughts that each person was as unique as these songs, and i was endlessly discovering them like the harmonies ears fell in love with daily, individuals will come in through one ear and out the other, but some will synthesize and tremble my reality, and i will eternally seek the one who will stay like the song stuck inside my head, the one that rings in circles and plays perfectly behind every situation.

What's true to your heart
Is a treasure to keep
Keep it close, tucked next to your soul
And don't ever let it to
It's times like these
Moments such as this
That keep you humble
Yet allow you to fly
It doesn't matter what it is
That gives your life
A reason to live
Embrace who you are
Become a dreamer
Let your feet leave the ground
And let your dreams
Set you free
The only life worth living
Is in doing what you love
And never giving up
On those silly dreams
Never letting go of all the foolish things
They say you'll never get there
But they don't know what it means
To soar through the sky
With open wings

I never understood
Why everyone tends to walk out on me
Of all life's lessons to teach
Why was this one so common?

My mom left the family
And took me away, without asking me if I would rather stay
My brother joined the army, we only spoke through letters
My father was alone with his heartbreak and I could not console him
My best friend went off to college and I couldn't join her because I didn't have the money to make my life better
My beloved aunt passed away, almost unexpectedly. I never had a chance to say goodbye. To tell her I loved her one last time
The tragedy struck
I've seen God take a life in front of my own eyes. A horrid accident that you only see in movies. A boy I grew up with and had known nearly my entire life.
A first love, torn from my arms and was forbade to see. This separation was equivalent to him dying to me
My dear friend moved away and became ill,  he was such a cheerful boy and died so very young.

All I am making is a point, you see
Of all life's lessons to teach
Why teach this one to me?
It's cruel and unfair
These things mess you up inside
After all the torture and torment
I began to lose my mind

Life, above all things
Taught me how to shut down
But the most important lesson it taught me:

Life taught me to be lonely

the ghost of you in this photograph
I see you now, I can almost feel
the motion of you passing through
both our bodies