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 Sep 2015 Nikki Ireland
torrey
You're still messing up my days
Ever since you went away
Your existence leaves a haze
Months, even days
Still your presence seems to stay
I lay and I wonder,
Who could you possibly be under?
As the rain started to fall
Mother Nature began to thunder
I could feel it all start to crumble
I miss the way our hearts would brush
I miss your fingers and their touch
I miss the way our breathing would sync
Our hands could always find their way through the sheets
Do you brush her hair while you lean down and stare?
Does she make you laugh when your days aren't fair?
Do you think of my eyes and skin?
Do you miss my embrace and my frame, so very thin?
Or was I just a pit stop down the road?
You, I may never decode
Instead I watched you erode
Slowly unravel and become new
The boy with the smile of blue
A stranger before me, someone I would never know
Still I can't help but wonder
About the boy without a number
The boy who was quite the jumper
The innocent boy who smiled of blue
The innocent boy who left
for something new
if you wake every morning
and do nothing to make your life better
it will not get any better
if you wake every morning
and do something to make your life better
then surely no matter
how bad life might seem right now

it will get better
Sometimes
It's better to keep silent
Then to tell others what
You feel.
Because
It hurts badly when you
Come to know that
They can hear you
But can not understand you.
 Dec 2014 Nikki Ireland
Alexis
Kind,
Shy, funny man,
Did the best that he can,
To raise me to be what I am,
Beautiful baby girl,
Smiling every second,
What everyone wants in the world
Years pass,
Daddy always there,
Doing the best he can,
Raising me to be the way I am
Beautiful baby girl,
A baby no more,
Middle school,
Troubled;
Diminished smile,
Daddy where are you?
No reply
Daddy's soul has left his eyes
No more doing what he can to raise me how I am,
Doing what he can,
To stop the voices in his head
Searching for cameras,
In the walls,
Paranoia controls his all,
Delusions
President,
Police,
Mom,
Everyone out to get him,
Stumbling upon his daughters sketchbook,
Sketch unfinished;
Headless body
Voices,
Convincing to be dismembered,
Out to get him;
Dismember him,
Paranoia growing,
Irritability as well,
Mommy a victim,
Strangled, breathless,
By a body with no soul
Life flashes amongst her eyes,
Children being married,
Awakes,
Escapes,
Daddy's alone,
In a mental home
Not for long,
Returns with medicine to fix the harm
Daddy?
Void of soul replaced
Stability,
Daddy regained,
Medicine disposed,
Voices grow,
They're going to **** me,
The 9th,
Facing doom,
Departure to a highway overpass,
Aimlessly walking,
The edge
Concerned bystandards,
Authorities called,
Shouting,
Scared,
No way out,
A fall,
A crash,
Daddy,
Is dead.
The story of the loss of my father from schizophrenia and suicide. I'm hoping to raise awareness to mental illness, if you or anyone you know is struggling with mental illness please be there for them, & pursue them to seek treatment. I would hate for the heartbreak of another beautiful life to be reaped from such crippling illness.
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