So another depressing Fathers Day is here
different thoughts in my head appear
Confusion about where I went wrong
no father for me for so very long
The same conversation each and every time
explaining to myself, his issues were not mine
Push away the feelings that I so fear
and worry about it again, this time next year

I sat atop a wall
A wall Stiff with morning dew
And not fully awake
I just dreamt by
Glassy eyes and slouched back
With sun filling cold eyes
And What choice did I have
But to leave my eyebrows raised
Questioning the morning hour
Taking early commuters
into my mind
Flanking pedestrians
with premature gaze
And Laughing a little
Forgetting the past
but focused on That place

that place that had been overgrown
Overgrown with suburban dreams
And I myself glassy eyed
Could have been unaware  
But not that day
That day I could  try to change it
But not everything
The only thing I could change
was myself
The rest won't change
For It would go against nature
It will wither  
Dissolving into nothing

I wondered If there was a place nearby
A peaceful place to die
Not that I wanted to die
Because I didn't  
It's only that I wanted to know
I wanted to know
Be reassured
that there is somewhere safe
to do so
Well that wall felt quite safe to me
A peaceful place
I suppose
Peaceful
But poisoned with
the ***** work of man
And me being glassy eyed
I decided that disturbing it would do nothing in my favour

A boy on a red bicycle
Passed by me
Swooping down the road
he couldn't have been
more than ten
And I remember
he held a brown paper bag
From the shop up the road
And it reminded me of myself
For I had lived
for that brown paper bag
Rushing up
to that shop on Saturdays
To complete the week with a treat
And it made me cry to think about
the days end
But much more to come I knew
And I was sure that It would not be the end of happiness
Nor pain
Or just the simplicity
of Saturday mornings
And being oh so glassy eyed
I jumped down from the brick wall
And resumed my walk back home