Guilt. Ever festering, it grows. It never lets you go.

It is fathoms deep, and ever creeps,

Like canyon rivers running slow.



Guilt erodes the sanity, the gently shifting sands.

It drives away the empathy, the union of two hands.

Softly speaking, to your heart, it finds your weakest moment.

And presses firmly, hard and sharp, to end the reason for it.

I’m not asking for an excuse,
I’m not saying I feel abuse

But my mind and my soul
Lacking explanation, stay cold.

Surprises promised, love attached,
Care for me, explanations lack

You claim incapability,
You claim to not see me

Your explanations lack gravity
And truth is lacking as far as I can see

WHY CAN'T YOU SEE ME?
WHAT’S WRONG, WHAT’S LACKING FROM ME?
HAVE I DONE SOMETHING WRONG?
WHY CAN’T YOU SEE?
THIS ISN’T A JOKE
YOU’RE HURTING ME!

I regret yelling that,
But I know I can’t take it back
You tell me not to erase poetry,
But that isn’t me, that screaming banshee.

I should stop
Cease and desist
Overreaction
I just wish to be kissed

But I can’t stop overthinking
What do you mean?

Is there a reason you won’t meet my eyes?
Is there any possibility of lies?

I know the answer
Burning in me like a cancer

Killing my will
Trying harder still

Pining for your gaze,
You won’t meet my eyes
I try to count the ways
It’s possible that I’m despised

You laugh as you say it,
You won’t hold my only contact,
My heart still being crushed
Forced to be compact

Why is it funny?
What have I missed?
Why are you laughing?
What’s so funny about destroying my existence?

Not even a glance.
There wasn’t a chance
The lack of your eyes
Stabs like a lance

I don’t understand,
What’s the surprise?
What’s so important?
It matters more than my eyes?

My chest is burning
My throat in flames
Is there a reason?
An explanation for my pains?

An explanation would solve all
And save my heart, before it falls
I hear your name from my heart
As out for you it calls.
But I can’t cry
The tears refuse
But in your gaze
I wasn’t allowed refuge

Overthinking the whole thing
Of that I’m the king
You’d think by now my head would ring
With all the times, to you I cling

Overprotection is an excuse
Overreaction is the truth
The only real explanation
Is the shame that comes with my emancipation

Freedom leading to my demise
My words coming back, this time as cries

My mother’s best friends I never knew
Because I believe, no, I’m certain
that trust of other people she eschewed
As behind fake smiles she hid her pain behind a curtain

My own best friends, I ever called my allies
But I was a child then, and I gave them no fights

My new best friends, among them, my bestest.
I seem to fight rarely, but that could always change
To ask them for help, my always request.
But maybe it’s time to expand my range.

Maybe one day I’ll have newer best friends
And with them I’ll achieve childhood again.

But perhaps my greatest dream is to make friends of my enemies
Because if being around them changes from bitter chilled freeze
To a whole, nice, summer breeze
Perhaps I would never treat my true friends unkindly

But even beyond that
For my daughter of the future
For my lovely little girl
I will make pals of the monsters under the bed
Just so she can sleep smiling, as stories to her are read.

For the first time in a long time
When I put my pen on paper
I feel no burning sadness
A total lack of anger.

A good bed rest, with a loving girl added
I feel better now, my heart is free-er of strife
Making me have a better day, concern is not needed
Happiness around me, glowing bright about my life


But my worry refuses ceasing,
My concern ever increasing

At least today you smiled
As I wish we both had whiled

The day yesterday
With a little more like that
Always for you I pray
Even while we sat.

Your head aching,
Your body shivering
Scared to leave you
My heart was quivering

But today is a new day
I’m no longer stressed
With your happiness
I have been blessed

I’ll keep you smiling
All throughout the day
Because only for you
Does my heart burn this way.

Many people pose the question
The one of many with a hard answer
If for this answer you begin questing
You may find yourself lost evermore.

The question sought to be solved
The question to answer many are called

The question of course, posed till we die
Is “Who, Am, I?”

The answer:
Me

I'm in love with a distant beauty
Reaching far, I find her heart
I'm in love with a close girl lovely
Reaching inside, I give her mine.

I'm in love with a long lost memory
She's the only one who finds it for me
I'm in love with a dark haired lady
She's the one my heart revives

Tears are gone, and no one's lonely
Once I've found the love I'd lost
Tears away the hiding curtain
She has made my life again

Would I stand idly by and let unfairness pass
Standing whiling away watching the growing grass
Doing nothing, ignoring the lies from that little ***
Hurting the one I love the most and I let it pass

Damaging pain, suffering, sorrow
Nothing I've done to stop today or tomorrow
That little ***, whose fear I have borrowed.

And now today I feel nothing but shame
Because I was the one who let her feel pain

Eyes that don’t see
Ears that don’t hear
Face that doesn’t feel
Tongue that lacks taste
Nose without scent
Senses overloaded
Assaulted all out
Sight, sound, suffering
Senses overloaded
Pleased by your everything
Eyes that see your face and love
Ears that hear your voice and love
Face that feels your lips and loves
Tongue that tastes your kiss and loves
Nose that smells your scent and loves
Senses overloaded
Assaulted all out
Revived by your everything
And I love you for it.

You say in a new way
Every new day
How you love me

Proving
In a new way
Every new day
That I love you

Showing
In a great way
It’s a great day
And I love you

Glowing
I love your face
All your great ways
These are great days

Tears and Tears
Eyes and Hearts
Glass and Mirrors
Sight and shards
Blood and water
Both in the gutter
Products of hate
By dying we create
Life from our bones
Love from our eyes
And when the light leaves them
The roots take hold
And a new day dawns
On the life that is the product of our death

There once was a little boy
His teddy was his favorite toy
Without it he could feel no joy

One day the bear was sadly lost
And his smiling face became ever cross
There could never be a larger loss
For that little boy.

The loss of his favorite toy
Led desperation to the boy
He sought out as many ways
To again see his teddy’s face
As the world had known

He found the bear, bruised and beaten
Beyond repair, its death was nearing
With extra care, he lifted the toy
Tears fell from the little boy
But then he heard his Father coming
And assured him help was on the way.

Misled, heartbroken,
Unclean, thoughts spoken
Bad words, Sadly croaking
Eyes filled, tears flowing
An author’s power
Turns me sour
In this hour
Pain becomes a tower

Tall is the tower
Made by pain
No further gain

Aided by words
Slashing like swords

An author’s power
With words to devour
Strength to empower
But leads to only my cower.

An angry acid boils as my stomach churns,
The face of my loved one filled with tears,
As away from me it turns,
The day had been looked on with anticipation,
But only loss lurked in my own emancipation,

The freedom of that day led to unkind words,
Words meant for no one, save the worst of lords,

Guilt leading to my own demise,
Wondering if I would ever rise,
Never to see the light of saving grace
All because of the tears on my love’s face.