I stayed up until midnight
Last night
Worrying about whether or not
You know
That I love you.
About whether or not
You know
That I'd never ever come between you
And who raised you.

Wondering if you know
That I'm not like that.
That I'm not so terrible,
I promise.
I would never insinuate,
I would never dare imply
Anything like that.

And while I understand
What you said was driven by frustration
At my inability to move past
The things that have been done to me,
The things that have I have seen,
And my own doubting of my worth
In comparison to how much you should
Care for me.
And while I understand that,
My heart hurts,
To put it in the simplest of terms.

I know you love me,
I do not know or understand why.
But I know you do.

I fell asleep last night,
Crying into your sweatshirt,
My fingers tangled in the wire of my earbuds that were in your ipod,
Hoping that if I tried hard enough,
I could imagine that the ipod and the wires
Would be your hand and fingers
Laced with mine
As I drift into my nightmares.

I'm sorry and I know this doesn't make anything better,
But I'm scared and I need to know
That you know
I'd do all I can
To prove to you
That what matters to you
Matters to me.

Panic floods my senses,
I can feel the tremors
In my hands
Starting up.

I am shivering
Though I am not cold.

Senseless triggers,
Unlike usual.
Being treated
Like a burden
Having my
Intelligence
Questioned,
Being anything less
Than what I aspire to be.

Shaky text messages,
Shaky typing
Lots of typos
Going back
Editing to make it look like
I'm a-okay.

I want to see
You.
I want to talk
To you.
Hear your voice.
Hold your hand.

At the very least
I want to hear your voice
I love you.
You love me.
I know you do.

Don't make me say I need you,
Though we all know it's true.

Listen to the music,
Listen to it play.

I could listen to our song
Each and every day.

And I refuse
To let stress bring me down,
And I refuse
To let anything bring me down.

I am whole,
I am strong,
And I refuse
To break
Due to inconvenient
Circumstances
And ire.

Let it play,
Let it play,
Let the world play along.

Put on a sad song,
And watch the world play along.

Put on a happy song,
And watch the world destroy it.

Sitting within the darkness,
Watching sparks fly by.
Sitting within the shadows,
Watching lights flicker in the distance.

Sitting within the twilight,
Watching something flicker towards me.

Bright sea foam blues and greens,
Warm and soft oranges and reds,
Spiraling towards me
And familiarity fills me,
And suddenly I'm trailing after this light.

I follow and I trail
And then the darkness recedes
As though it's terrified of the light,
And there's an open field where finally,
For once,
I can see.
I can feel.
And everything is warm and bright and real.

For once I'm here,
And I'm excited
And I'm so ready to be yours,
To be wrapped within your light
For all there is of forever and always.

But I love you more than forever,
I love you more than always.

Thank you for being my light,
My love,
My Bluebird
That I can fly away with.

Thank you for letting me fly with you,
I cannot wait to fly away with you.

Tell me you love me,
Tell me you want me around.

Tell me I'm all the things
You've ever desired.

And I will show you
A steadfast commitment,
A hotheaded opinion,
And a stubborn will to do my best by you.

Show me that you'll love me for forever and day,
Show me that you want to keep me around.

Show me that I'm everything
You've ever desired.

And I'll tell you
Of my being loyal to a fault,
All my passionate opinions,
And of my headstrong way about sticking around.

I don't give up,
It's never been for me,
So tell me
Tell me you're the same,
And we'll show the world.

Your mistakes
and imperfections

the lines around
your eyes - small

miracles, little
biographical proofs

of your timely
existence.