icarus—
curiosity is a fire,
roaring inside your ribcage.
you wonder, and you want,
and the tips of your fingers
stretch themselves
towards the sun—
warm, then hot,
then scorching,
and finally, you plummet.
icarus—
they call you a tragedy,
but tell me,
did your blood not run
liquid gold,
in that moment
the sun’s heat
embraced you?
didn’t the touch
of pure, pure opulence
leave stardust
and embers
embedded in
your skin,
a heavenly dust
adorning your burns?
icarus—
in the sky, as you
dive towards earth,
you glimmer
like glory.
icarus—
charred angel,
did you not feel divine
in the seconds before
you fell?
icarus—
wasn’t the warmth
worth what followed?

You arent afraid of the darkness because of demons and monsters out there.
More likely you are afraid of your own demons you have to face.
Cause in the end of the day you are all by your own. Darkness kicks in.
People disappear.
Objects disappear.
Your eyes get blind. Things get hardly to find. The vision you have in the morning gets blurry. The only thing that stays is you.
You and your own mind. After a long day with many attempts to escape, the darkness overtakes you.
Your problems and thoughts get clear cause there is nothing other left to focus on.
There is nothing other left for your senses to be seen or heared.
Cause in the night when youre laying all by yourself in your bed. You are confronted with your own inner demons.
Just yourself.
And somehow you manage to escape this demons night by night by falling in sleep. But in  very few nights your mind finally interrupts your sleep..

One day an angel will arrive
Never is she ever going back
Her soft tiptoe rings in my ears
Day and night, every moment
I long for her so bad

Befriend with flowers
Softer than the buds
Delicately, shyly
Nervously, coyly
With cloudy tresses
And terrified lips
She's gonna astound me as she arrives
I seek for an angel

I can't breathe
Like there is something pressing down on my lungs
Stealing the oxygen right out of me
Ripping the strength from every fiber of my body

I'm tired
But I don't want to sleep
Because if I drift away into that abyss
I'm not sure I'll ever leave it
I'm not sure I'll wake up

sometimes, it feels like the bath filling up with water,
you lie there and try to relax as it
slowly inches up your thighs and past your slumped shoulders.
or like watching the clock move, watching the day turn on and off-
incoherent, stunned, you try to drown your incapability in apathy
like being strapped to a bed
like being force fed, out of your control in a way that forces you to feel it.

sometimes, it feels like breaking your bones,
a sharp snap you can hear for years when you fall asleep
shooting pain up your spine and straight to your fight-or-flight response
it feels like choking,
it is not slipping in and out, it is violent crashing waves
the tide came in while your eyes were closed
and you're being thrown headfirst against the rocks

sometimes, it feels like keeping a secret,
like holding your tongue, like shy muffled smiles
and pulling misguided threads on your years-old sweaters.
it tastes just like guilt but also a little bit like copper,
almost familiar but with a difference that keeps you up drenched in sweat
it feels like "you did this to yourself" and all you can hear is "it is your fault"

it feels like nothing, sometimes, too.
it feels like emptiness, it feels like 'scared-to-be-touched'
it feels like absolutely hollow,
like knee-**** reactions when people put their hands on you
like your fight-or-flight lever is broken and you're trapped inside of a burning building with flight on your mind against painted-shut windows
it feels a whole lot
like they took the exact definition away from you that day
like you have a bunch of "almost"s
like a puzzle that has been worn through generations, sticky fingers and gluing together corner and middle pieces

it feels like something is missing,
it feels like you do a manual reset of every feeling to try and sew yourself back together,
it feels like someone bent your needle and frayed your thread and you are trying but they took all of your chances away from you

a little bit vague, inexplicable, 'you-had-to-be-there', like everything, like nothing,

like helpless, if you had to give it a title.

Woke up to the twilight morn
With an aching head and an aching heart
Hands touch the sheet of my bed
To shield myself away from both the cold and the loss warmth

The alarm clock started to ring, to my funny luck
Given with the choice to leave it on or turn it off
It was always the same thing that ****** me
Left with the choices that I never want to hear, do, or see

But clearly I am always the loser at this game called love
As every turn every choice is wrong when push comes to shove
It always leads back to why I did this and why not do that
Forever making decisions that will never be enough

And so go back to the culprit that started this montage
Still ringing still ticking haunting me every second
Likening itself to my every love that went gone
To stop is to accept that I have succumbed to my fate
To let it ring is to endure for an eternity.
All I can think of now,
"Why did I buy that stupid clock."