the smell of smoke stings
memories of what could’ve been
catching fire but the spark lost in the wind
in my journal i wrote many things
Not much spoken
But we watch the water from the bridge
Not to address or dispute
we are too avoidant to provide proof
Far too broken

callously cradling curious kids
hounds make the sounds to scare the men
hurricanes in my periphery
violent wash, electricity
buying unobtainable zen

coals of the days
warm summer paved
deprived still we try
to go our own way

flowers in the trash
wilted and rash
deprived still we try
to let the car crash

ego a mess
cannot make amends
making me feel like the excluded kid

i still paint with the shades of you
aquamarine to midnight blue
i still taint myself to get close to you
confident to unsure, untrue

lock my lips, seal my secret
sketching my emotions in my notebook margins
far then, far now, my head i bow down
a tear slips from my face, splashing disgrace
scarred then, scarred now, my tears stream down

took 3 years for our orbit to weave
such serendipity then you quickly leave
took too long me for to finally see
such negligence, green to brown leaves

took every ounce of me to not bottle it away
such strength it took to continue the day
took too long for me to finally be ok
dangerous, nefarious, warped awareness
welcome back to the grey

You did it again
I forgave and repented
But after you did it again
I am feeling resentment
you do not care, hands in my hair
you never share your words, i care
i care to listen
i care to hear
i care to know all your fears
i care and i hate it
i care, i think its fated
do i stay while you run me over or get out of your way?
do i stay in the flames another day?
burn my ego?
burn any grace