The love that died
Left a hole
All dreams
Trickled through,
With them
The resilience needed
To keep living.
It was never
her fault.
Somebody had
to be the last.

Friday night
Used to bring delight,
Revelry
Now only stings
with loneliness
You, swimming
In your lover's arms
As I break.
Let it out,
They say.
Why?
It only pours down
the drain,
Rushing like doom
Dragging me further
into darkness.
Each morning
I wake to find you gone.
Pain circling,
Hungry to feast
Upon me
Again.

It's easy
Why are you so sad?
Cheer up!
Buck up,
It's like you're
not even trying.
Quit moping
Quit thinking
Smile,
It's your
own happiness
You're denying.
Some people
have real problems,
You're just faking.
Positivity
cures
all.
Quit your
bellyaching.

We hear this all the time,
Do you think it really helps?
Those endless
thoughtless platitudes
You spit when
we get sore
Maybe if you understood.
Maybe if you knew.
You'd talk a little less,
and listen a little more.

I keep waiting
For you to say "hi"
For that moment of
weakness.
For you to think
of me
A stray memory,
Conflicting with my
Constant yearning.
An urgency
You can't control.
But it never comes.
I keep waiting —
Heartbroken,
Foolish
Left behind.

I remember a time when
I mattered.
So far away now,
Forgotten
Under scars of time.
Indifferent from
the heartache,
It's perspective dulling
Memory.
A rot
Uncertainty
Inhumanity.
I was born
Unnoticed,
To be forgotten.

These endless skies
Always fading
Since you left.
A hollow dawn,
Unforgiving
Like the lies
We get
used to telling.
Love like this
Wasn't made to last,
You were my future
Now I'm just your past.

Life is a slow death
Remembering
all we
had and lost,
Against our will
We found the cost
Beyond our reach
And so
We cry
and dream of life
Though we must die.
Despite the struggle
Despite the pain,
I'd still do it all again
To see you
One
more
time.

Dreadful Monday
Sitting here
Among the idiot
Chatter severe
Blank expressions
Garbled words
Under the radar
Unseen, unheard
Counting seconds
Losing my head
Anxiety stricken
Better off dead
Another appointment
Facing the spotlight
"How have you been?"
Everything's alright
Exit in haste
Sickening refrain
Back to uncertainty
Into the rain.

I wish I could explain
The tide
Of pain,
That swept aside
The spark of youth
Burning bright
It dimmed the truth.
A darkness
Consuming hope and care
Leaving only hate,
Despair.
A splinter
Buried in my skin
Rotting all that's good
Within.
Now what remains
Is just a husk,
Emptiness
from dawn to dusk.
I wish I could explain
This fate
But even now
It's just too late.

It was always so
            always this way.
With each new day
So full of dismay.
The feelings corrupt
Fading fast
Passing by,
Holding my breath
Waiting to die.
The dawn brings
No light.
No promise.
No love.
Just a trial of despair
To rise above.
The weekend
Brings no comfort,
Just the trauma
Of loss.
No matter
The price,
I won't pay the cost.

Unshaken
Beyond this simple world
I have become unlike
Them all.
Wandering
Behind realms
Lost.
Unknown and
Rejected.
Not looking for
A way back,
Just a way out.

Teeth that sink
Into my skin
Hellish,
With their mighty thorn
Spiral pain
into my heart
Mighty with
    vampiric sting.

My words are
ineffectual
Stunted,
Silent in my throat.
I'm screaming torment
Inwardly
But you won't
even know.
The days have faded
Constantly,
Though pain it
Still remains.
There is no comfort
now you're gone,
No shelter from
This reign.
I'd pray to god
To help me live
But the devil's
more my kind,
I'd like to burn forever
And leave this
world behind.

It has me by the throat,
Choking life from me
Stealing emphasis.
It has me by the throat,
A lesson in perseverance
Never to be learnt.
It has me by the throat,
A cruel tender grip
Without mercy
Without remorse.
Quietly.
It's over soon,
Don't fight.

There's is no feeling
Worth expressing.
No reality
Worth addressing.
With all the thoughts
That I'm repressing,
The future
Is just depressing.
This world that
leaves me stressed,
Is just a
*******
Popularity contest.

Your Goodbye
Removed me
from
                    the world,
Taking everything
Everything I had.
Now each day
I start and end
In nothingness,
Wretched
Without
friends,
Harmony,
Warmth.
I want to begin
With Goodbye and
Never return.

I buried what goodness
Remained
Under the earth,
So deep,
Never to be found again.
Now all that remains,
An anti soul
Free from the humanity
That clawed its measure
Upon my heart.

The pressure of
this life
The woe
The loss
It made a ruined
Diamond
Out of me.

When
I'm at my emptiest,
I long to lose
Myself in physical
Ecstasy.
Desperate
yearning
extinguished
Through
flesh on flesh.
******* passion
Throats ripped,
Blood pours.
Devouring
your entirety
On a wave of
Nothingness.
I ache
to feel
Something.

Less than nothing,
Born into Oblivion
Carving iridescent
Beauty
Through these
endless
Streams of pity.
I counted the world
Upon your lips,
I found my
Sweet Damnation.

This life is burning,
Slowly guttering
Against this lonely air.
Despite my distant association,
Losing it all
over. over. over.
Breaks what's left
The dancing light, dying
A promised life,
Carelessly
Endured.
Without her
Without heart.
I wish for an end
That will not come,
Unforced.

The wound
So deeply bitten
It left but mangled flesh,
Young God
Picked apart
So savagely under the
weight of love.

Hung on hooks!
Hung on hooks!
A heart
With nothing left.
Remove
The offal
Without a motive,
Sitting in my chest.
Chase the soul out
from its
Ugly cage,
**** the light
That lived inside.
Don't look for me
Anymore,
Just let them know
I tried.

There is love in
my shadows
Tucked away,
In my dusky soul.
Resplendent
In its legend.
Written in
another
Tongue.
It's there.
Among the Ruins.

Pain is an abstract
Written
On souls and skin.
Bruises show our tenderness,
Though wounds
May lie within.
Twisted, broken
Flesh will mend.
Hearts yield
Against love's sting.
Beat me.
Bleed me.
Torture me.
I can't feel a thing.

It's been a year,
Since you left
Time's supposed to heal
But it hasn't touched
me yet.
Everything is the same
Tho the world
Has changed.
All the days are
numbered, and
I still feel strange,
Without your hand
                your voice.
I'm sick of love
I'm sick of choice,
I'm sick of always feeling this way.
Every single ******* day.
It's been so long,
It's been a year.
Despite the odds —
I'm still here.

I slept all day and
swam beneath black waves,
Neither alive nor drowning
Just hidden from harm.
Safe within the
nothingness,
Free from guilt & pain
Absolved from burden,
Never wanting to find
my way back
To bitter consciousness.

I lost it all with each
second from wake
to sleep there are no
colours desire expired
motivation lost in
silent minutes carved
upon my wrists here
under heavy covers
subdued as the dog
next door endlessly
barks I am nothing.

I was once something
more.
A man, vibrant in heart
Passion.
Unremarkable tho
genuine
    gentleman,
Maybe not so
gentle.
Red in tooth and
claw.
Strong enough to
give,
As good
As I got.
Until
Invisible harm
Undid this
charm.
day by day
Turning
grey.
Until nothing remained
left unshamed.
of me.
Now I'm just a shadow
At each feast,
Little left of man
Just beast.
Nothing left to love
at least.
Invisible.
Unseen.
Bleeding out.
Without
a doubt.

There is nothing left,
No love
No joy
No hope.
I want to let go,
escape
this debt
That must be paid
Without regret.
I cannot endure
This daily
Punishment.
I cannot feel
This way again.
I'm losing myself
To endless pain.

Another waking gasp!
Cold realisation
The day reset
Under the weight of
expectation
and wonder
Slowly surpassed by
flagging
ambition.
managing
Monolithic Mundanity.
carelessly
Crushed Creativity.
sorely
Sapped Strength.
deathly
Drowned Desire.

There is a distance,
Between us.
Not measured in metres or feet
Not governed by proximity.
Though you may touch my skin,
Hold me close
I am not there.
I wish it were not so,
That we can only be strangers,
Widening each day.

Still,
There is so little reason
Left for me to love.
Time has passed
As a roaring torrent,
Washing it all away —
The importance.
The burning passions.
Yet
I lie awake
Staring into unforgiving
darkness.
Wishing to be heartless,
Dying to be nothing
Once more,
Rather than know
another day without you.
After all this time,
No escape.
No escape.

Less than human
Akin to demon
The pain of being
a man exhumed
Nothing left inside
just a cold dark
shell, Consumed
by darkness in
This living Hell
Choking on silence
extolling violence
To please the beast
Bound and ******
Hungry and shamed
Through kindness
Through virtue
The monster remains.

All the aspects of my heart,
         Got taken apart.
Chambers and valves
         Whispering
"Time heals all wounds."
This sick routine of
Wanting, Longing
stripped me to the bone.
I am my own tired shadow,
Losing every battle
To an outcome,
  Obvious
  to all but my love
still peddling it's hope
Cheap and unwanted.
Your ghost by my side
    Tarnishing my hand
With little fingers.
Dreaming of you every night,
                       Only to wake alone.

Sleep
my abandon,
Where I run with wolves
in the forest.
Where I am King and nothing.
In slumber
free from torment
At peace
Until the dawn.
I see oblivion
when I close my eyes.
If I know happiness
It is there,
Godly
Among the nothingness.
Hoping to remain.

I wish that it was over.
These days drag slowly
Searching for reason
Justification.
A simple promise,
meaning
No matter how trivial,
So long as it's genuine
Warm like toast.
But there's nothing,
Just the meaningless actions we're locked into.
Kicking against the ******
Unable to stand the pain,
Nobody can see
This sickening distance.
Growing
This isolation.
I wish that it was over,
One last breath
I won't fight.

Words purposefully sent
      Will cruelly dangle, stillborn
in this night air
      They are echoes
struggling
                              against a current of denial
      falling short
      among
the corpses of the living
the laughter
Empty Trajectories
                    doomed
              never to be heard,
Just whispered
in the back of my skull.

Never give
Never breathe
Never love
Never leave
Never scream
Never ache
Never fly
Never hope
Never hurry
Never cry
Never worry
And you will never die.

Is it worse
to hope or
know that
hope is hopeless?

Those foolish words
you..                            hesitate
To say,
Just might make
someone's day.

Nothing's left
That's worth my breath
I fought and fought
To stave off death
I wrestled demons
You couldn't see
becoming something
I shouldn't be
I cut through sinew
I splintered bone
Despite the company
I suffered alone
You said you cared
I thought you knew
I'd never survive
Without you
As skin was tested
blood bloomed
My will was bested
denying doom
I saw it hung
behind each scene
Your heart unshackled
Your conscience clean
Love fits so neatly
back on the shelf
My final desire
To erase myself.

This appointment for you to ****
dissect the scattered patterns
                  sinking in my skull
Do I struggle
against intrusion?
alien footsteps
in fear, desperation, in woe
My burning tears seen as weakness
madness —
an irresponsible lie
I'm stronger, I'm gentler than
you can understand.
Golden moon and Stars aglow
A monster
mitigating my own pain

disappointing all that I know.

My love became a full stop
In the twisting of my days
An isolating anchor
That dragged me to the deep
This pain became a reason
I put my heart to sleep
Burn the spoken words
We shared
No one heard them anyway
Company is agony
That's why I walk away.

Loving her
Was like finding an ocean
After a lifetime
Treading
in muddy puddles.

There was a world that fell away
A year and six months to the day
When life became the underworld
Each day a purgatory unfurled
As friends revealed their apathy
And love became the enemy
I spat and cursed and wept and bled
Thinking of the words unsaid,
The strength that used to overflow
Now lost to weakness, fear and woe
Alive but closer to the dead
Strangled by the darkest thread
Nothing left to leave a mark
Fading softly in the dark.

A burning house
So beautiful
In my dreams, every night
Slowly turning love
To ash
In the pale moonlight.

Though I scream & drag
life into broken lungs
There is no breath to be
found within. These
empty moments tick
without consequence
or meaning. Living is a
state of mind without
desire we pluck rose
petals for the ******.

I hear their voices, raised
in joy—merriment
A singular enrapture
Golden throated
days of summer.
How could you disown such love?
I hear their voices,
Tho that is all.

tired expectation
Once as a life
Struggled on
In search of silver hearts
& sober conversation
Now fettered
Against the bedposts
Drowning
Beneath the covers
In remembrance to burning loves.